Friday, December 5, 2008

Tell Everybody That You Know

"I got the right. To put up a fight, but not quite. Cuz you cut off my light - but my sight? is BETTER tonight - so i might...see you in my nightmares..."

Sometimes I understand my girlfriend. Alot of times i'm stuck wanting to understand her and wanting to just be as crazy as I can be with her. She's the semi-crazy type, at least where I live. Where she lives is different. She is on the plateau to more while I beat myself for not being responsible. YET - I always know that a stress-free existence is promising alot as well. Fuck that - it's HANDING me the key to my full eternal release.

Sometimes I drift and think suicidially again and it's not healthy, this I already know. Yet, I also think that I should want to be all I can be and be the best for the one I love. I'm torn between self-fufillment and self-assurement that I selfishly consider the option of suicide, yet I'n my head I convince myself that this will alleviate me of the added pressures of the many.

"Hey hey hey...don't say you will...then play you will...i pray you will..."

HAHA - I won't exactly flirt with that. I just wish I could cry as easily as she does. I think the childhood erased my emotions as well as the whole 'outkast until 16' syndrome. When I accepted being weird is when people started understanding me for more than just a nerdy black kid. I had an imagination and it was bigger than this room we sit in.

So what if I was gone? Who would it DIRECTLY affect? Probably Sheree the most, but isn't that why 90% of them do it? To claim revenge or appear spiteful towards the one you love as to say - fine, we'll see how you do without me. It's a shame how pitful us humans can be at times. Going through uneccessary methods just to prove a fucking point.

Now I can march back in there and play GTA as if nothing has come of this and is if I went on a bender. I could be a stupid jackass and try and break my neck on this chandelier so people can turn the lights on me when I've got a rope on my reck.
Or I could just find her pills and swallow them all.

Hmm.

GTAIV is looking SO dope right now.

-H

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Goals

NEW JOB
Midnight - Sister Souljah
XBOX 360
Gears of War 2
DRIVERS LICENSE
CAR
COLLEGE (City College)
APARTMENT

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The New Harem.

About three years ago, I made a post in my older blog (yes - this is NOT my first blog - actually my 3rd) about who I would have in a 20 woman harem which you can read here.

After reviewing the old Harem, I figured I would post a new one being that most of those girls i'm not too crazy over anymore.

Remember, these are for amusement purposes only.
I love my girlfriend faithfully and nothing will EVER change that.


The NEW Harem is as follows:


20. Sarah Silverman

Okay, so I'll start this one off with Sarah Silverman.
Why? Because she's this totally underrated hotness.
For me, CRAZY=SEXY. Yeah she's Jewish, so what? Girl has one of the
fattest Jewish asses I've EVER seen.
Keep kickin' ass Sarah, and big-ups for supporting
Barack!


19. Kiss Promise

Who said I didn't like black chicks?
When it comes to me and black girls, it's all about the "cute" factor. Cute plays into your sexy which therein - makes you sexy. Why do girls get so offended when you call them "cute"?
Anywhoo...I found Kiss Promise
online perusing the net for upskirts and whatnot, and she's a cutie. I love a chick who can tease well (most of her pics aren't nude) and she also gets points for the bucky-buckteeth. Super-CUTE in my book.



18. Kim Kardashian

I know what yall thinkin'. Damn, H?? Why you put Kim all the way on the BACK of the list? Well, honestly - I'm not too wild about Kim Kardashian the way the rest of the male population is.
She's a sexy girl - kind of a freak (lol - Ray J proved that), but all she's got t
o me is that booty. Overall, she's a Paris Hilton with an ass. Out of my tax-bracket.



17. Charlize Theron

Always been a fan of Charlize, since "Monster" dropped - hell, even before that. It just bewildered me how she could look so atrociously-gross in that movie (i think she gained like 20 extra pounds for the role?), and then right after - look just as hot as she ever has.
She's fallen down my list over time, but I don't think she'll ever fade. She's also an activist, and there's nothing hotter than a rich, hot chick fighting for the little man.
Keep kickin' ass, Charlize.




16. Gabrielle Union

My girlfriend is DEFINITELY going to have something to say about this one.
(LOL - one of a few I'm sure)
Something about a woman with power who knows how to call the shots and look sexy while doing it jus
t presses my buttons. Miss Union has mastered this craft and even though she can appear to be a bit of an 'itch' with a B at the end, she pulls off the sexy marvelously - usually reducing her male counterpart to mush. It's like when a girl beats you at arm-wrestling.
Not even to mention that she's recovered from a really rough issue to tackle...rape. :(



15. Christina Ricci

Man, I've been hot for Christina Ricci since "The Addams Family". No joke.
She's always been a natural beauty, even when she played a dyke in "Monster". (LOL - funny how I have BOTH chicks from that movie on this list) She really stole it though, when she was in "Black Snake Moan".
She's blossomed into a fine actress for sure, but to me she'll always be cute lil' Wednesday.




14. Amerie

Wow. I mean, wow-wee. African-American AND Korean. She's smart as all hell AND she can blow. (She can SING, assholes.) When she first dropped "Why Can't We Fall In Love", I was in love with the vocals...then when I was able to put a face to the music, it was mind-blowing. My lady put me on to a few other joints by her including "Rolling Down My Face" which I really like alot.
Haven't really heard much from her lately, but I hear she's on Def Jam now workin on a new LP.
Should be cool.




13. Eva Mendes

One thing about latin chicks is that they have this unspoken sexuality. Like, this glare they give ya. Even before her nude flash in "Training Day", I was oogling over Eva in "All About The Benjamins". She's like the tom-boyish Mexican Cindy Crawford.
She's a rough-and-tumble kinda girl (always the kind i like) yet still a graceful and beautiful model...and she knows how to keep it real with the dudes too.



12. Bjork

Yeah, yeah. I know.
How you jump from Eva Mendes to Bjork?
Sure, Bjork is a little older.
However, Bjork is also graceful, beautiful, talented and crazy...and like I said earlier - CRAZY=SEXY. If you check out her older work and when she was in the Sugarcubes, you'll see a vivacious and spunky Bjork who doesn't have a care in the world. Her voice sails as she bounces around playing around with the camera, yet putting on operatic perfomances.
Even with all of the responsiblity of being considered one of the "innovators" of experimental rock, she's still a playful girl and now a playful and loving mom.
For some reason, that innocence and glee is enough to make me smile.



11. Amanda Bynes

I don't really rock with the pop-sensation "teeny-bopper" style girls, but Amanda Bynes is different. When she got her show on the WB, I saw a mature and way-yyy hotter Amanda who knew how to work her sexy into her goofy character.
Nothing hotter than a sexy goof (see: Sarah Silverman), so while she would act like a clown one second - she could just as easily switch that into impervious seduction. Haven't really seen much of her in a bit, but she could be doing other things.
She's like a hotter version of an Olsen twin.
Those Olsens are a bit too boney for my liking.




10. Brenda Song

Surprisingly, if I would've done this list about a year ago, she would be alot higher. Ehh. I dunno. I've kinda lost the fire I had for cute lil' London Tipp from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
The "asian curse" that once held me captive has finally been lifted, and I guess this one left right along with it.
My sister would watch that show and London would be the only reason I'd even be interested in a Disney show. Nope. Scratch that. Last list, I had Raven-Symone on it - but she's fallen off. Hard.
Brenda doesn't replace her, but she's earned her spot this time...I guess. (She kinda looks like she has a mustashe in this pic tho...OH NO!) ;)



9. Rachel I.

Oh man, am I gunna catch hell for this one.
Rachel I is one of those girls ya just KNOW not to mess with. Like eating candied corn when you have like 10 cavities. I always say a pretty face and a smile works for miles - and she's got it - but that also means having to beat away dudes with a bat.
I would mention her other features, but I don't want my neck broken.
It's hilarious how you can hug girls yet not touch them with a 10ft pole. (I say this metaphorically - we're cool, but my hands never leave my side, ya dig?)
She's a cool friend - so I try to be real cautious when I'm speaking in a flattering manner about my "friends".



8. Stacey Dash

How in the FUCK did I miss this one last time?
Stacey Dash?!
Is she not the HOTTEST MILF you've ever seen?
Funny, because when she was in "Clueless" I wasn't really phased by her. I was all over Alicia, tho.
Man, I'm glad i stopped sweatin' white chicks.
I think it took me having to see her in Kanye's "All Falls Down" video to finally be like "Ohh. Oooookay...she got it". I mean...if the picture above doesn't tell you that "she got it", I think you need your eyes checked.



7. Rihanna

Ahhh. Nothin' hotter than a famous hottie playing video games.
I didn't care for Rihanna when she first dropped, I was a real hater. So, much like all of the pop-sensations (and gnomes, fairies and all other imaginary creatures), I forgot she existed and she dissapeared for awhile.
Then "Umbrella" dropped.
I was like "Who dat??", and it was Rihanna. Lookin fly as ever. She had that cute lil' emo cut, and was killin it in them fishnets. Hot. She's continued to get dudes hot and bothered, including a certain 'Transformer' star?
(*cough* Shia Labeouf! *cough*)




6. Liz

Okay, I'm ready to catch MORE hell about this one.
Liz is another friend. Very cool, very sweet - just the person you can kick it with on some intellegent, funny classy-ghetto-hoodrat ISH. Yet, much like Ms. Silverman, she's another Jewish girl with a bangin' body.
I think her attitude makes her look and seem hotter (she's real laid back and cool) but I still keep that "10ft pole" rule in full effect when she's around.
No offense, but I just don't need my head handed to me on a platter.




5. Megan Fox

Hmm, speaking of "Transformers"?
Ya gotta love those girls who look as girly as they come, yet they can't cook a damn meal and NEVER touched a broom in thier lives. Straight beer-drinkin hotties, who have no problem talkin about the chicks as if she were one of the dudes.
Enter, Megan Fox.
Of course, she's on EVERYONE'S hot list, but I still don't know enough about her to feel totally comfortable with her being on the list. She's still good eye candy, tho. ;)




4. Raelene

LOL, another one falls victim to the "10ft pole" rule.
Raelene is more like a little sister to me, that is just young enough to not follow me around everywhere. A girl who can punch and kick you like she's one of the fellas is a nice friend to have. Just like Liz, her attitude makes her more attractive than her looks; she's more of an outspoken, sporty gymnast who has a model hidden under her belt. However, the model side of her is only masked by her interest in fashion, a field I can see her becoming heavily involved in.
Go on, girl. I see you strivin' for ANTM status.




3. Scarlett Johannson

Whooooo, look at Scarlett kill 'em!
Scarlett has been one of my faves for a long time, even before "Lost In Translation" dropped. If it wasn't for her, I think Selma Blair would have this spot (whaaaat? Selma Blair?? YEAAAH, Selma Blair! You know you saw 'Cruel Intentions'!).
Scarlett knows how to work her sexy JUST ENOUGH to have you comming back, begging for more.
She's a temptress, using her eyes as tools of seduction, leading you on with her Jolie-esque lips (yeah, I wasn't gunna cop-out and put Angelina on the list, but I did think about it)...AND if that's not enough for ya, she's a die-hard Barack supporter!
That's what im talkin about!
Pretty in politics!




2. Halle Berry

Okay, okay. Before you even START about how "cliche" it is to have Halle Berry at damn near the #1 spot, I ask you this:
How many women (besides Jessica Alba) can just push out a baby, and then a week later be lookin just as fine as they did before they got pregnant? Halle Berry, son.
Yeah - she had to get nailed by Billy Bob to grab an Oscar, but she EARNED that Oscar. She's got that SPECIAL kinda sexy, a mix of innocence topped off with a dash of seduction and eyes that can peer right into your soul. She's had to deal with alot of asshole dudes that she's dated, but that hasn't set her back a bit.
She's still as hot as she was when I first saw her in "Boomerang". You're not a black man if you don't like Halle. Sorry.



1. Sheree

Now look at this sexy piece of hot-chocolate right here.
This is MINE. ALL MINE.
All you fool-ass, corny motherfuckers that try to holla at my Ree-Ree cause you see her flossin now, can all eat a dick.
Sheree is my perfect mix of sexy, soulful, sweet and seductive chocolate that is in NO way afraid to tell you how it is. If anybody gave it to you straight, it was Ree.
When I first met Ree, I knew she wasn't like the rest. She got the booty (oh my gaaaawd do she), but it wasn't even about that. It was about how she was the most stunning girl in the park that day and that moment; and she walked around already knowing it. Confidence radiated through her aura and that drew me to her.
I was afraid at first, because I thought I was gonna get shut down by this queen. Yet, when we started talking - I found out something that made me want to follow her forever. That something was that she had a heart as big as a 10,000 piece puzzle and she was looking for that last jigsaw piece to complete it. So was I. So when we found each other, we knew we had found our piece and we weren't letting it go.
I picked this picture of her, not just because she having so much fun, but because she's looks so beautiful while doing it. We were in our own world (as we always are) and she was struttin' her stuff just for me. She's got the bad-ass glam of a "Hills" superstar, yet the down to earth ghetto-soulbird you'd find in a Lauryn Hill song. Club ready and scene-shreddin', she's always got somebody's neck breakin - which i's why I always gotta have my eyes open, like hustlas on forty-deuce. She's got a smile that no-one could outdo and a style no one can match. She's my baby girl, my hunnylumps and whatever new pet name I come up with for her.
She's my all. And no - you cannot have her.



That's it!
Tune in around 2011, and maybe I'll put up Part III!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Peace, yall!

-H

Told Yall!!




Told yall Obama-hatin', McCain praisin', Sarah Palin ass kissin' mo'fuckas that we was gunna TAKE this shit, and TAKE IT we did!

Not only are the republicans pissed off that they lost, they're pissed because they lost by a LANDSLIDE!

A LANDSLIDE ladies and gentlemen.

That means more than HALF of the country voted this man in - that means that America is TRULY ready to take a step in the right direction.

I was nervous the whole night watching them tally the states. Then I saw that Obama had 195 electoral votes to John McCain's 90. I told myself - it's okay - alot of important states havent been counted yet. I took a break, smoked an L, came back and the numbers had only shifted a little. Obama 207, McCain 135. I was nervous then - damn, McCain is gobbling up these southern states...shit...will this be the determining factor? Obama winning Ohio gave me more hope (Ohio was the breaking point for the last election) so I just watched anxiously.

Then it happened.

ABC came back from a commercial break. Charlie Gibson had said that the polls were now closing in California. 10 seconds. 9.8...
..."Okay, we are now ready to predict that Senator Obama has won California."

Then, the image of Barack Obama with the words "President-Elect Barack Obama" showed up on the screen. I was confused, because they didn't do this with the other states.

Charlie Gibson's words froze me.
"We are now ready to say that Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States of America."

I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be true.
I needed to see numbers.
I switched the channel to CNN to make sure what I had heard wasn't false...
...and indeed, they too had displayed on their ticker:
"Barack Obama Wins Presidency"
and to the side of that said, McCain - 150, Obama 298.
He needed 270 to win.

At that moment, my soul jumped so high - but my feet never left the ground. I yelled SOOOOOO loud, and was joined by people were feeling how i felt all over my neighborhood. I opened my window, and people were screaming. Running through the streets - yelling at the top of thier lungs.
Cars were in mass rally, honking ever so loudly and rapidly.
The magic was real and you could feel in the air.
We had finally taken the step as a country to break down these barriers so that our children could have a better future.
All around the globe, the world cheered simultanously...and in that moment, I knew that we all wanted the same thing: a brighter future with no boundaries and no discrimation aganist anyone. A beautiful world where a white family and a black family can stand on stage together and hug each other as if they were all the same people. Human beings. No matter your race or creed, we can look towards our future with common goals and ideas.

Now, I'm not celebrating TOTALLY yet. We still have alot of work to do as a country and considering the mess George W. Bush Jr. left behind, it's not going to be easy. However, we look towards these challenges a bit more earnestly knowing and believing we have the right commander-in-chief in office.

My last words are this:
We've just watched history being made. Being alive for 23 years, I haven't got to experience anything like I have last night. An UNDESCRIBABLE feeling overcame me last night. The only time I had felt this connection with my country were after the horrible events of 9/11. Last night just reafirrmed how much I care for this country and how sometimes it may seem like the odds are against you, yet righteousness still will prevail.

McCain tried his best. He did. No lie. Even Sarah Palin.
Now they both get to fuckin' dissapear! Hahahaha!

Nah, I wont be a bastard about it. However, that concession speech McCain tried to throw on was HORRIBLE.
"I understand that this is an important victory for African-Americans"
Whaaat? Nigga, this is an important victory for the whole COUNTRY!
The whole WORLD!

So, I'll wrap-up my ranting and say this: All you racist, country-bumpkin, anti-abortion, same-sex marriage hatin', ignorant ass americans who REALLY thought that this historical event would NOT take place...i got two words for ya...

SUCK IT! (Ummm - i mean) TOLD YA!!

WE IN HERE!! OBAMA '08!
WHOOOOOOOO!!

-H

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Change Is Here.

I can't believe it. It's actually happened.
Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States.
It's such a wonderful feeling.
A feeling that only our ancestors could feel through us,
our parents and thier parents.
America, the land that I love...
...has chosen the RIGHT president.

I love this country.
I love my hood.
I love my block, my building.
I love. My life.

Thank you god for keeping me alive on this earth to witness this.
Thank you.

-H

I Love America.

No matter what happens, I still love this land.
I still love america...
...and I believe that it will make the right decision.

-H

Anxious and Amped

Well, the results aren't in yet - but it's looking kinda tight.
Of course, the hick states are in full support of McCain.
I still have PLENTY hope that Barack is going to take this thing.
The moment he does, I'm shouting - then I'm smoking.

I voted. I'm sick as hell, but I voted.
Change. Change I believe in.
Change we ALL can believe in.

It's here.
-H

Monday, November 3, 2008

Hours Away From A New Day




I can feel it. I can feel it rising up in all of us.
This change is realer than real - and dammit, as americans and humans alike - we NEEDED this. We needed a reason to believe in something. Something that was unlike anything we've ever experienced as a country before.

Thus, Barack Obama.
He is here. We are here.
CHANGE is here.

-H

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Yo, PANDORA is TUFF!

Man, I like this Pandora thing! I know, I know - I'M LATE as usual - but this shit is really the jumpoff!

My lady tried to put me onto Pandora awhile back, but I was bein ignorant and not worried about "online-radio" stations, but shit - when I'm bloggin', I don't wanna have to constantly be switchin' tracks and shit - there should be a radio station that just plays hot joints they KNOW I would like. Thus, PANDORA.

I typed in two words: J Dilla.
The rest was like magic. It just went off - straight to Dilla, then to Madlib, then to Jazzy Jeff - shit was bananas. Like it just KNOWS your style. It tells you why too:

Why was this song chosen?
Based on what you've told us so far, we're playing this track because it features sampledelia compositional qualities, east coast rap roots, r&b influences, headnodic beats and swingin' beats.

Fuckin' TUFF! I'll be messin with this hard while playing SF2(Rb).
I'll put you onto that later.

-H

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Guess Who's Back



OMG - It's Eminem.

After wondering "where the hell is my favorite rapper of all time" for FAAAAAR too long, it's the edge of 2008 - Kanye is making the most heartfelt (and unfortunately the most misunderstood) album of 2008, but the "WilD-as-F*CK" award will ALWAYS go to Em.

Whether on his most serious of the serious (ie: "Mockingbird") or silly of the silly, (see above video) Em is always going to be the lasting impression of what it is to take perfection and creativity outside of the limits. Dealing with the struggles of being in a game that is becoming less and less of what he got in the game for, this album should be a breath of fresh air in an otherwise smoggy hip-hop year. I hope it's called "King Mathers". That'd be ill.

"Im Having A Relapse" is the first single off the new album, and it's fuckin' retarded. Em is DEFINTELY back on his shit - no matter how many pounds he mighta had, he still sounds like the skinny, psycho Slim Shady we all once adored.

So laugh, and get ready for a good end to a bad year. We gettin' Em, Jay, Kanye & Obama - in my opinion, things can't look any better. Shit - if McCain was in office, this might be all I could look forward to.

-H

And Though It Seems Heaven Sent



...I choose not to finish that one. Instead, I say that Tuesday night will prove all of the critics wrong. All of the naysayers humbled. All of the passerby's gasping for breath. The day is fast approaching. History will be made.

A black president will be here. The RIGHT president.
Obama '08.

Inspiration: REVS






The first REVS joint I ever ran into, was this joint right here. I went to school in SoHo - my first real eye-opener for the city, because I didn't really see much of NYC outside of midtown and uptown.

When you come from Harlem, most of the time Harlem is all you know. When I returned to NYC from TX, I was rushed into an alternative school that my cousin attended (Unity High School) located near Spring St (though I wouldn't learn this until months later). Instead, I would take the A to Canal St and walk about 4 blocks over and just marvel at the amount of graffiti that littered SoHo. This is when I first ran into REVS.

REVS is one of the main reasons I still do graffiti. REVS didn't write for fame or to be respected by other writers, he wrote to DESTROY shit. To let the world know - I'M HERE - I EXISTED - I LIVED. REVS's work was different too - which is why I guess I was so drawn to it. I questioned how these huge, blockbuster rollies (graffiti done by paint rollers) could've even been acomplished - like, who DIDN'T see this man rolling his name on the side of a building? The beauty of it all is that it's something so simple that makes the normal side of a building so abstract.

All I knew of REVS were rollies at first and then as my obsession with graffiti grew, I learned that he was places I didn't even realize. Around me constantly, and I didn't even know. One day, I decided to take the A train back uptown from school, yet this time I decided to go to the front of the car so I could peer into the tunnels. Who's work did I see all over the tunnels? None other then the tunnel king (aside from JA) King REVS.

Analogy: REVS:Graffiti / EMINEM:Rap
Now you get it.

Not only was I surprised to see is rollies underground, but I also was shocked to learn that not only was he using the tunnels as his artistic playground - he was using it as his diary was well. As the train came to a slow speed between 50th and 59th st, I saw a huge white space high over the pillars separating the downtown and uptown side. In that white space were these sloppy scrawls of REVS's past, a little clue to the mystery of who REVS was. Before I could finish reading the first sentence, the train sped off - and I wondered to myself, "How in the hell did he find the time to do that?" To my amazement, I would later learn that before REVS was apprehended by the MTA as well as the NYPD Vandal Squad, he had accomplished painting 225 of the 270 subway tunnels in NYC.



What a feat. REVS is now a retired graffiti artist (something I hope to be soon) who is a full-time wielder and mechanic. He often referrs to his graffiti past as the good 'ole days where he an COST used to run the city. I remember seeing the COST/REVS bills posted thoughout the city, long before I knew what they were. It's THAT reason why he's such an inspiration to me. Graffiti isn't supposed to be something that is an EYESORE. It's supposed to awaken your third-eye so this way you can appreciate all of the little things around you. This city is full of garbage, why not brighten that garbage up a bit with a twist?

Thank you, REVS. Your work has not only changed the lives of graffiti artists, but New Yorkers all over.

-H

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Real McMotherf**kin' Talk



OMG - I've just been schooled. It's Face from the Geto Boys ("My Mind's Playing Tricks on Me") kickin' some REAL shit about McCain. Like, I didn't even look at it like that.

This dude is somethin else. This old ass dude voted AGAINST a King Jr. Holiday? Like, do you republicans REALLY care about black folks?

I don't think I know a SINGLE black republican in my 20 mile radius.
Son.
I put this on my life.
When Barack Obama wins it - I'm lighting it up SOOOO heavy.
Outside with the blunt in hand, jumping, celebrating. Passin' off. Passin' out.
We IN THERE. Obama '08.

Fuck all yall haters.

Burning Angels

"...it feels like a burning angel..."

http://www.tube8.com/share/gia-paloma-enema-accident/22210/

WTF? I think that was when I really started questioning my morality with porn and how deep it was getting. That shit sucks you in. They do some pretty filthy shit, and I think this is by far the filthiest of the filth that I've gotten off to. I don't expect too much respect for this, I just think it's time to start being honest with myself.

What the fuck is the matter with you, Halo?
I don't remember where the lines got blurred and I said to myself "tittie shots and girl on girl action just doesn't do it for me anymore...".

Here's some of the comments on this vid:

JerkFace, added 4 months ago Okay, seriously? Are some of you dudes jerking to this? Because if you are I salute what sick, desensitized fucks you have all become thanks to the magic of the internet! : )


Doobie09
, added 4 weeks ago Now THAT is the the kind of real, genuine, to the core piece of shit whore that I need.

jbuff420, added 3 months ago I LOVE GIA PALOMA. Yes she's on meth in this scene, but what a great little whore!

Man, I don't know what to say. I got off to this, but I didn't know about the meth. I just figured to myself - how could somebody just ultra-degrade themselves like this? I think my brain was warped severely due to Flare's submissive behaviour, but the fact that we kept pushing it is what always made me hunger for something sicker...something nastier...but lately I've been really questioning morally where that's taking me.

I used to go to church when Ree and I first started kicking it and much further into it as well, but I've been slackin hard. I think if I go soul searching, I can shake the porn and the sick shit - but I also know this is a hard demon to tame. LOL - fuck, I sound like Kirk Franklin and shit. Im not like - ADDICTED to porn, I just think I'm FASCINATED by the sick shit. They ran an episode of South Park where Stan's dad Randy was addicted to porn and South Park had ran out of internet. Then when he got internet he looked up Japanese girls vomiting on each other and Brazilian fart-fetish sites - all shit that I have seen before. I felt like, so disgusted in myself then - but then when I said I would just rock with the regular shit, I was right back on the crazy shit.

I dunno, bro...I dunno. I just need to fix this shit, fast. School commin. Until then, I'm playin Max Payne. Heard the movie sucked. Go figure.

-H

Throwback Joint of the Day: 10/29/08



Nothin' like some old school Doom. I have the KMD instrumental EP, and this is one of the illest joints on there ("Peachfuzz" by KMD). For those that don't know, Zev Love X (first rapper in the vid) is better known as the one and only, MF DOOM. Man, how hip-hop has evolved.

Speaking of evolve:
Zev Love X?
X evoL veZ?
X-Evolves?

Hmm... ;)

-H

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

See? This is the fuckin shit I be talkin about.

Sister says suspect in Obama plot is sorry

Click the link. Go ahead, just click it...and read about how DUMB and IGNORANT some white, middle-class americans are.

Fuckin' little 18 year old pricks trying to be the next Lee Harvey Oswald.
Get it through your head, retards - Hitler's DEAD. He been dead.
Dead as a doornail. So, why the fuck are we still going though this Nazi shit? In AMERICA no less?!

*in retard voice*
"Oh, hummdy dum-dum, let's be NEO-NAZIS, yeah THAT'S cool..hummdeedum..."

Get a fucking life. Better yet, give me your life - and I'm sure I'll find something productive to do with it. Little bastards said they wanted to kill 88 black students and behead 14 of them. WHAT? Are we STILL really taking steps BACKWARDS as a nation?!

PARENTS - WATCH YOUR FUCKING KIDS. I'm pretty sure had the dumb hick fuckers they call parental figures actually been that, this idea wouldn't have even entered their minds. "He 'disliked' black people". HAH! Shit, I 'dislike' dumb ass racist fucks that figure they can take another human's ability to live freely, just because of some stupid 'cause'. Man, I wish I could hang these kids upside down for 88 hours and just let black folks WAIL on them.

Whatever. In a week - Barack Obama will be president, and we will be THAT much closer to becoming a nation of united individuals.

Apparently, we still have ALOT of work to do.

Throwback Joint of the Day: 10/28/08



"Microphone checka, 1-2 checka..."

Man, this shit takes me BAAAACK! ;)

-H

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Hopefully Not The Last

Well, my heart is gluping and my mind is trying to convince me from steering down the dark chasm at the end of my life. It's like i know where I'm going is a dead end, but it's a dead end that leads somewhere. Somewhere purhaps, where my heart isn't quite prepared to go - but my soul keeps pulling me.

Dearest Ree, I apologize for being the sex-crazed fiend you could never housebreak. I don't know why I'm so weird and so awful at sex, and I never thought I would drive you to the point where you wouldn't enjoy sex or crave it. I'm sorry.

Don't blame the others - it was my mind warped so badly always. I watch gruesome and otherwise sick things and gain arousal from this imagery. My heart craves to be outside of the norm so much sometimes that I can't control it. Curiosity is also a vice that I have difficulty controlling.

If I was a juvenile boyfriend, I apologize for that as well. My graffiti expeditions should be over, yet alas - they are not. This is the hardest addiction I've had to face, and the rebellous spirit of my expression keeps excusing the juvenile nature of this sport.

To my soul, it's bigger than paint on a wall or a tunnel. It's the exploration of your existence somewhere where your have been told you cannot be. The soul-searching and bond that you have with the youth inside you and the thrill of existance. If my existence were to be cut short after this night, I would hope you have remorse upon my soul. I didn't die to make you sad or to hurt my family or intentionally hurt myself. This was a choice of my own to walk into a dark, risky and dangerous situation in order to fully grasp my purpose of being alive on this planet.

I wish I could just have it all - I wish my talents could shower all of the money and value the universe could bring, yet in this society - it is sometimes those with the most talent that are easily overlooked. Those that have had to struggle internally with what they are becoming and how far off it really is from what everyone wants you to become. My music started in a dark land and sometimes this is where my best work comes from. I never wanted to be a serious artist within visual art, yet i loved it all the same when i became an artist with sound. In the same vain, I took that dark shelter and lended it to the world of art - being involved with graffiti and vandalizm. It's a comfort zone.

I want you to have everything I own if I'm gone. My records, my beats, my equipment - EVERYTHING. You were always concerned YOU were dying, but sometimes I feel I'm dying on the inside. If I could have it my way, we'd be hippies - living free of any cares and enjoying the beauty that is nature. This world is not for us. I hope change really is coming though, and I hope to god this is just a precautious letter and that I my live to see another day. If I live to see tomorrow, I would like to go to church tomorrow. I need a soul cleansing, I need to see the value in my existance once again. God is everywhere, a mystical force that leads divine souls to his embrace.

...Sheree, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not calling for the last few days, I'm sorry for not listening and I'm sorry that this may very well be the end of everything we've worked hard for. I want to start this new life, but I cant turn the page confidently without putting my ugly past behind me. I hope to see you after this is all over.

-Josh

PS: I'll always love you Sheree. I love your mom, my mom, my grandma, my little sister, my dad, all my niggas (you know who you are), hip-hop, graffiti, the 80's, music, J Dilla and God. God, god, god. To the fullest. I believe in the watchful eye of Jesus Christ, and I accept him as my Lord and Savior.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

AerosolHeart // PRELUDE (Arraignment.)

As she grabbed my hand, extending my finger with excessive force, I wondered to myself; Is this all necessary? And even more importantly, was it even all worth this?

Rolling my index finger in the dark ink, she then asked me for my thumb. For a millisecond, the thought crossed my mind to use this un-cuffed and potentially vulnerable opportunity as my chance to dash to freedom.

Then the thought of the overweight, meat-head cop hovering near the exit pouncing on me before I even got my first hand on the door handle, squashed that daydream like a roach. The sound of a dog whimpering ran though my mind, and I sheepishly gave her my thumb - abandoning all thoughts of escape. My eyes shifted from the door back to the counter where my paperwork was being filled out.

I sighed a long and heavy sigh.
I was here now, and it was bound to happen eventually.

I looked to my right to see another young man being arraigned, he looked about nineteen at the oldest. I shot him a glance to offer him some sort of hope - as to say we were in this together, but he refused to return the favor. Instead, you would've thought someone had killed his puppy the way eyes were glazed over with sadness. He looked defeated, as if he had given up the fight the moment the cops had placed the cuffs on him. The bond I was searching for was nowhere to be found and that did nothing but cement the clear fact that I was stuck in this by myself.

The days and nights of striking back at society were all adding up quicker than the clock could move. The seconds and minutes I spent trying to prove something to myself and the world proved all for naught, for they had the power. They were intent on showing me that now; forcing me to extend my ring finger for another dirty ink print. I've heard crazy stories of people biting the skin off of their fingers or sanding them down to remove their fingerprints, and the idea flashed in my head. Nah. Not that serious. At least not serious enough for what I'm in here for.

"Do I get to wash my hands at least?" I asked. I wanted to see how far my liberties as a detainee went. She rifled around her box of police goods and tossed me an Alcohol Swab.

"Here. We're done." I wondered why she was wearing rubber gloves - I mean, it's not like she's a doctor or some shit. You're a cop. A DT at best.

"What about the bathroom?" I asked. "You gotta let me take a piss." She flashed what seemed to be a grin for a second, signaling to me that she had a sense of humor. Shit, At least cops can feel something.

"Toilets are in the cells."

I hate how short cops are with you, like it's their job to be dicks. This was a bitch-cop (policewoman) too, so I was expecting a little bit of kindness and nurturing. You know. Even though in her eyes and in the eyes of the law, I'm a criminal and all. I guess a cop is a dick no matter the gender.

I was growing impatient, but that wasn't my call here.
"What time am I gettin' out?" I spouted. She rolled her eyes. "You asked me that earlier and I told you it depends on what the charges are and what the judge tells you. You need to be transferred to Central to see the judge for a proper arraignment. Right now they've got you with 'Making Graffiti' and 'Possession of a Graffiti Instrument' which are both misdemeanor offenses. When they transfer your case to Central and the courtroom, the judge will let you know what your punishment is."

Hmph. Punishment. Because that's what happens when you express yourself freely, right? You get punished.

My stomach began to grumble a bit with a mixture of unease and hunger. All the nights I had coached myself to be as hard a stone when this day came, meant nothing now that the day was actually here. I got myself into this shit and now it had become too late to get myself out. I felt the ground beneath me rumbling as a train roared into the station, and I wondered to myself what kind of grub I would be served in this hell-hole. More of the dicks (cops) began to crawl out from the back of the headquarters, bitching about shifts and joking to each other about their "collars". I was getting more and more sick of the place by the minute.

"So, when I do get sent to Central - I'll be able to go home after that, right? Because I'm ready now. I got a lotta shit to do."

"I'll ask you not to use that language with me, sir" Officer Bitch-Cop replied. "You'll go to Central as soon as we can get you processed here. As you can see - you are not the only one here, so you'll just have to be patient."

That was something I didn't want to hear.
Be patient.

I had already decided that my "complimentary" phone call would go to my girlfriend, I just didn't know what to say. What could I say that wouldn't result in her flipping out and making me even more frustrated? I can see the conversation now:

"Hey baby, guess what? You'll never believe what happened. Remember all those nights I used to go out late and go bomb the city with graffiti? Well, it finally caught up to me!"
Yeah, that would go over well.

Why did this have to happen to me?

Of all of the people in New York that write, why did I have to get bagged? Stupidity? Cockiness? Karma? I didn't want to believe all of that, so I just settled with it being a bad coincidence.
Wrong place, wrong time I guess.

"Were done with all of your paperwork." the bitch-cop stated. "I need you to empty out your pockets and take off your shoes."

Take off my shoes? The fuck do my shoes have to do with graffiti?
"Why do you guys need my shoes?" I asked. "I'm supposed to walk around barefoot in here?"

"It's not your shoes we need, it's the shoelaces" she said. "We've had incidents where former prisoners have used the shoelaces for, umm - suicidal behavior, so it's now become standard procedure to confiscate the laces of our detainees."

Wow. That's crazy.
I smirked at her, "C'mon miss. Really. Do you really think I'm going to hang myself over some graffiti?"

"I don't know sir, but if you want to keep your shoes on you're going to have to give me your laces."

Being cynical is in my defense mechanism, so this incident was no different - except that this time I was dying of worry inside. How long am I really gonna be here? Are they gonna give me real time? Have they started to figure out that I'm the one responsible for over 75% of the vandalism in this area?

I sat down near the desk where they were processing my information and holding the materials they had confiscated from me. Trying not to smirk or smile, I watched them zip-lock my belongings in a plastic "evidence bag".
My black KRINK marker I had just bought from Scrap Yard.
My Ultra-Flat Black and White Rusto cans.
My black-book.
Watching them carelessly bag away and toss my supplies in a Tupperware-like bin, was like a parent watching his kids being taken into custody by ACS. Those tools are my babies.

"Are they going to keep all that, or can I get it back after I get out of here?" I asked while removing my shoelaces. "Oh no, we keep all of that stuff as evidence in our vaults." She replied. "You can come back and obtain your personal belongings like your keys, your wallet and your iPod, but we keep all of the other stuff for our records. They are criminal instruments."

My black-book?! FUCK!
I could replace all of the other shit, but my black-book?
Man, that was my opus...my claim to fame.
That black-book was like a graffiti yearbook. I had cats I looked up to in there...JA, OJAE, MISS17, GOAL, SKUF, VFR, EARSNOT...even a COPE2 piece, who's style I had admired ever since I bought my first Tribal T-Shirt with one of his pieces on it. No one could replace the art that blessed those pages.

"Daaaamn...My black-book too?" I stammered. "I can't just keep that? I mean, it's paper, it's not hurtin' nobody..."

"Sorry." She said, with a dead cold stare. "I can't make an exception to the rules on your behalf."

It was like she didn't even mean it.

"That evidence actually goes straight to the Vandal Squad so they can investigate your case further." she continued.

FUCK, FUCK, FUUUUCK.
Vandal Squad? Now, they'll definitely know. Damn, this shit is WACK. They can't take my black-book, that aint right. That's my shit that I paid for. Who the fuck gives them the right to just do as they please with my stuff? Who the hell do they think they are?
Oh yeah, that's right. They're the cops. Cops are dicks.

The bitch-cop opened up my wallet to examine it thoroughly, somehow ignoring the pungent smell of bud attached to it. Thank god I had gotten rid of all of my clips that I usually would stash in the inner pocket.

She examined my keys next and started to throw them in the bag, but then paused.

"Oh, we need to keep these too..." she said, pointing to the Sharpie MINI's I had attached to my key-chain. "For real?" I replied, trying to play dumb. She laughed, "Yes, these are graffiti instruments as well."

She gave me a smile as to try and sympathize with me, but I hated that bitch. She's the one who arrested me - said i was "stupid" for writing graffiti and she that "could" make a big deal out of this (you know, because I'm some sort of terrorist or some shit) but wouldn't even listen to me when I tried to plead my case. It was like she found this to be some kind of a joke, but wouldn't laugh it off enough to give me a slap on the wrist and let me leave.

Whatever.
These people aren't my friends. All I got is me in this and that's who I trust.

She signaled for me to get up and led me towards the cell room where they held all of the other prisoners. I scanned the faces of my cellmates, and they all adorned the same look of despair and hopelessness that the kid getting processed earlier had. As the cell door locked behind me, I looked down at my hands...staring at the red paint. It seemed to almost resemble blood. Wounded and bleeding with ink, I took what felt like my last breath...as the artist inside me began to writhe and die.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Icons & Influences: Ol' Dirty Bastard

Man, I can't even imagine how life would've been had I not discovered the natural beauty that is Ol' Dirty Bastard. This man was one of the most gifted and supernatural human beings on the planet. Quite possibly my favorite individual, next to Dilla.
Enjoy this final documentary that captures the true essence of Russell Jones (ODB) called, "Dirty Minded":






RIP - Russell Jones. You will INDEED be missed.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Birfday Celebration.

So, my lovely lady Sheree stealthly hooked up this surprise BBQ/Party on Morningside for me - decked out with beers and blunts and all of the cool kids that I could've ever wanted to be there. Danny and Shanae were the first people there (lol - that's how she got me - "look! who's that?") and then more people came as time rolled on.

Frank came, (dammit - some asshole stole his camera before the night was over, which was NOT cool - I hate that we all can't have a good time without so shady shit goin down) Sciryl and Charles Hamilton were there (always a good look), Xiara & Bella came (awwww - Bella can be so bad but so cute), Liz, Shannon (hadn't seen her in 4ever it seemed), Kels, Brian, Dep, Z, Lauren, Isaac, Ingrid and a whole slew of other people I might not have known but was in someway cool with.

Overall, yesterday was a fun and exciting surprise. I rarely got suprise birthdays when I was a kid, and I had already told myself that I was over the bar for those. My Ree-Ree came through though, and made it all work out so well. She's amazing, and I'm soooo happy to have her in my life.

I have to give myself at least a week to recover from all the brain cells I've lost over the weekend. I'm running late for work. I'll get up with yall soon.

-H

Saturday, July 5, 2008

News Disasters.

My new craze has defintely gotta be viral-videos of real life things, not your stupid re-made version of "Friends" or your friend Shameika singing "Lollipop" while shaking her 'web-cam ready' ass. My first craze installment is newscaster bloopers, blunders and slip-ups. I adore the fact that we rely on a "live-feed" source of news and I love it even more when that system is put into a tense and unnerving moment when something goes wrong during a live performance. Here are a few of my faves:











And this guy is my favorite guy, ever.

Mission Objective



This song takes me back further than it needs to.
This is my own personal time capsule. Enjoy it.