Thursday, November 6, 2008

The New Harem.

About three years ago, I made a post in my older blog (yes - this is NOT my first blog - actually my 3rd) about who I would have in a 20 woman harem which you can read here.

After reviewing the old Harem, I figured I would post a new one being that most of those girls i'm not too crazy over anymore.

Remember, these are for amusement purposes only.
I love my girlfriend faithfully and nothing will EVER change that.


The NEW Harem is as follows:


20. Sarah Silverman

Okay, so I'll start this one off with Sarah Silverman.
Why? Because she's this totally underrated hotness.
For me, CRAZY=SEXY. Yeah she's Jewish, so what? Girl has one of the
fattest Jewish asses I've EVER seen.
Keep kickin' ass Sarah, and big-ups for supporting
Barack!


19. Kiss Promise

Who said I didn't like black chicks?
When it comes to me and black girls, it's all about the "cute" factor. Cute plays into your sexy which therein - makes you sexy. Why do girls get so offended when you call them "cute"?
Anywhoo...I found Kiss Promise
online perusing the net for upskirts and whatnot, and she's a cutie. I love a chick who can tease well (most of her pics aren't nude) and she also gets points for the bucky-buckteeth. Super-CUTE in my book.



18. Kim Kardashian

I know what yall thinkin'. Damn, H?? Why you put Kim all the way on the BACK of the list? Well, honestly - I'm not too wild about Kim Kardashian the way the rest of the male population is.
She's a sexy girl - kind of a freak (lol - Ray J proved that), but all she's got t
o me is that booty. Overall, she's a Paris Hilton with an ass. Out of my tax-bracket.



17. Charlize Theron

Always been a fan of Charlize, since "Monster" dropped - hell, even before that. It just bewildered me how she could look so atrociously-gross in that movie (i think she gained like 20 extra pounds for the role?), and then right after - look just as hot as she ever has.
She's fallen down my list over time, but I don't think she'll ever fade. She's also an activist, and there's nothing hotter than a rich, hot chick fighting for the little man.
Keep kickin' ass, Charlize.




16. Gabrielle Union

My girlfriend is DEFINITELY going to have something to say about this one.
(LOL - one of a few I'm sure)
Something about a woman with power who knows how to call the shots and look sexy while doing it jus
t presses my buttons. Miss Union has mastered this craft and even though she can appear to be a bit of an 'itch' with a B at the end, she pulls off the sexy marvelously - usually reducing her male counterpart to mush. It's like when a girl beats you at arm-wrestling.
Not even to mention that she's recovered from a really rough issue to tackle...rape. :(



15. Christina Ricci

Man, I've been hot for Christina Ricci since "The Addams Family". No joke.
She's always been a natural beauty, even when she played a dyke in "Monster". (LOL - funny how I have BOTH chicks from that movie on this list) She really stole it though, when she was in "Black Snake Moan".
She's blossomed into a fine actress for sure, but to me she'll always be cute lil' Wednesday.




14. Amerie

Wow. I mean, wow-wee. African-American AND Korean. She's smart as all hell AND she can blow. (She can SING, assholes.) When she first dropped "Why Can't We Fall In Love", I was in love with the vocals...then when I was able to put a face to the music, it was mind-blowing. My lady put me on to a few other joints by her including "Rolling Down My Face" which I really like alot.
Haven't really heard much from her lately, but I hear she's on Def Jam now workin on a new LP.
Should be cool.




13. Eva Mendes

One thing about latin chicks is that they have this unspoken sexuality. Like, this glare they give ya. Even before her nude flash in "Training Day", I was oogling over Eva in "All About The Benjamins". She's like the tom-boyish Mexican Cindy Crawford.
She's a rough-and-tumble kinda girl (always the kind i like) yet still a graceful and beautiful model...and she knows how to keep it real with the dudes too.



12. Bjork

Yeah, yeah. I know.
How you jump from Eva Mendes to Bjork?
Sure, Bjork is a little older.
However, Bjork is also graceful, beautiful, talented and crazy...and like I said earlier - CRAZY=SEXY. If you check out her older work and when she was in the Sugarcubes, you'll see a vivacious and spunky Bjork who doesn't have a care in the world. Her voice sails as she bounces around playing around with the camera, yet putting on operatic perfomances.
Even with all of the responsiblity of being considered one of the "innovators" of experimental rock, she's still a playful girl and now a playful and loving mom.
For some reason, that innocence and glee is enough to make me smile.



11. Amanda Bynes

I don't really rock with the pop-sensation "teeny-bopper" style girls, but Amanda Bynes is different. When she got her show on the WB, I saw a mature and way-yyy hotter Amanda who knew how to work her sexy into her goofy character.
Nothing hotter than a sexy goof (see: Sarah Silverman), so while she would act like a clown one second - she could just as easily switch that into impervious seduction. Haven't really seen much of her in a bit, but she could be doing other things.
She's like a hotter version of an Olsen twin.
Those Olsens are a bit too boney for my liking.




10. Brenda Song

Surprisingly, if I would've done this list about a year ago, she would be alot higher. Ehh. I dunno. I've kinda lost the fire I had for cute lil' London Tipp from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
The "asian curse" that once held me captive has finally been lifted, and I guess this one left right along with it.
My sister would watch that show and London would be the only reason I'd even be interested in a Disney show. Nope. Scratch that. Last list, I had Raven-Symone on it - but she's fallen off. Hard.
Brenda doesn't replace her, but she's earned her spot this time...I guess. (She kinda looks like she has a mustashe in this pic tho...OH NO!) ;)



9. Rachel I.

Oh man, am I gunna catch hell for this one.
Rachel I is one of those girls ya just KNOW not to mess with. Like eating candied corn when you have like 10 cavities. I always say a pretty face and a smile works for miles - and she's got it - but that also means having to beat away dudes with a bat.
I would mention her other features, but I don't want my neck broken.
It's hilarious how you can hug girls yet not touch them with a 10ft pole. (I say this metaphorically - we're cool, but my hands never leave my side, ya dig?)
She's a cool friend - so I try to be real cautious when I'm speaking in a flattering manner about my "friends".



8. Stacey Dash

How in the FUCK did I miss this one last time?
Stacey Dash?!
Is she not the HOTTEST MILF you've ever seen?
Funny, because when she was in "Clueless" I wasn't really phased by her. I was all over Alicia, tho.
Man, I'm glad i stopped sweatin' white chicks.
I think it took me having to see her in Kanye's "All Falls Down" video to finally be like "Ohh. Oooookay...she got it". I mean...if the picture above doesn't tell you that "she got it", I think you need your eyes checked.



7. Rihanna

Ahhh. Nothin' hotter than a famous hottie playing video games.
I didn't care for Rihanna when she first dropped, I was a real hater. So, much like all of the pop-sensations (and gnomes, fairies and all other imaginary creatures), I forgot she existed and she dissapeared for awhile.
Then "Umbrella" dropped.
I was like "Who dat??", and it was Rihanna. Lookin fly as ever. She had that cute lil' emo cut, and was killin it in them fishnets. Hot. She's continued to get dudes hot and bothered, including a certain 'Transformer' star?
(*cough* Shia Labeouf! *cough*)




6. Liz

Okay, I'm ready to catch MORE hell about this one.
Liz is another friend. Very cool, very sweet - just the person you can kick it with on some intellegent, funny classy-ghetto-hoodrat ISH. Yet, much like Ms. Silverman, she's another Jewish girl with a bangin' body.
I think her attitude makes her look and seem hotter (she's real laid back and cool) but I still keep that "10ft pole" rule in full effect when she's around.
No offense, but I just don't need my head handed to me on a platter.




5. Megan Fox

Hmm, speaking of "Transformers"?
Ya gotta love those girls who look as girly as they come, yet they can't cook a damn meal and NEVER touched a broom in thier lives. Straight beer-drinkin hotties, who have no problem talkin about the chicks as if she were one of the dudes.
Enter, Megan Fox.
Of course, she's on EVERYONE'S hot list, but I still don't know enough about her to feel totally comfortable with her being on the list. She's still good eye candy, tho. ;)




4. Raelene

LOL, another one falls victim to the "10ft pole" rule.
Raelene is more like a little sister to me, that is just young enough to not follow me around everywhere. A girl who can punch and kick you like she's one of the fellas is a nice friend to have. Just like Liz, her attitude makes her more attractive than her looks; she's more of an outspoken, sporty gymnast who has a model hidden under her belt. However, the model side of her is only masked by her interest in fashion, a field I can see her becoming heavily involved in.
Go on, girl. I see you strivin' for ANTM status.




3. Scarlett Johannson

Whooooo, look at Scarlett kill 'em!
Scarlett has been one of my faves for a long time, even before "Lost In Translation" dropped. If it wasn't for her, I think Selma Blair would have this spot (whaaaat? Selma Blair?? YEAAAH, Selma Blair! You know you saw 'Cruel Intentions'!).
Scarlett knows how to work her sexy JUST ENOUGH to have you comming back, begging for more.
She's a temptress, using her eyes as tools of seduction, leading you on with her Jolie-esque lips (yeah, I wasn't gunna cop-out and put Angelina on the list, but I did think about it)...AND if that's not enough for ya, she's a die-hard Barack supporter!
That's what im talkin about!
Pretty in politics!




2. Halle Berry

Okay, okay. Before you even START about how "cliche" it is to have Halle Berry at damn near the #1 spot, I ask you this:
How many women (besides Jessica Alba) can just push out a baby, and then a week later be lookin just as fine as they did before they got pregnant? Halle Berry, son.
Yeah - she had to get nailed by Billy Bob to grab an Oscar, but she EARNED that Oscar. She's got that SPECIAL kinda sexy, a mix of innocence topped off with a dash of seduction and eyes that can peer right into your soul. She's had to deal with alot of asshole dudes that she's dated, but that hasn't set her back a bit.
She's still as hot as she was when I first saw her in "Boomerang". You're not a black man if you don't like Halle. Sorry.



1. Sheree

Now look at this sexy piece of hot-chocolate right here.
This is MINE. ALL MINE.
All you fool-ass, corny motherfuckers that try to holla at my Ree-Ree cause you see her flossin now, can all eat a dick.
Sheree is my perfect mix of sexy, soulful, sweet and seductive chocolate that is in NO way afraid to tell you how it is. If anybody gave it to you straight, it was Ree.
When I first met Ree, I knew she wasn't like the rest. She got the booty (oh my gaaaawd do she), but it wasn't even about that. It was about how she was the most stunning girl in the park that day and that moment; and she walked around already knowing it. Confidence radiated through her aura and that drew me to her.
I was afraid at first, because I thought I was gonna get shut down by this queen. Yet, when we started talking - I found out something that made me want to follow her forever. That something was that she had a heart as big as a 10,000 piece puzzle and she was looking for that last jigsaw piece to complete it. So was I. So when we found each other, we knew we had found our piece and we weren't letting it go.
I picked this picture of her, not just because she having so much fun, but because she's looks so beautiful while doing it. We were in our own world (as we always are) and she was struttin' her stuff just for me. She's got the bad-ass glam of a "Hills" superstar, yet the down to earth ghetto-soulbird you'd find in a Lauryn Hill song. Club ready and scene-shreddin', she's always got somebody's neck breakin - which i's why I always gotta have my eyes open, like hustlas on forty-deuce. She's got a smile that no-one could outdo and a style no one can match. She's my baby girl, my hunnylumps and whatever new pet name I come up with for her.
She's my all. And no - you cannot have her.



That's it!
Tune in around 2011, and maybe I'll put up Part III!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Peace, yall!

-H

1 comment:

Hi my name is Bubbles and I'm an addict said...

I like your blog. We share some of the same tastes in music too. But you're in New York and by default, way more closer to the scene than I am. But I digress.

I dig this idea. But I can't believe you posted your friends on there. They are essentially "friends who could get it". Maybe I'll jack your idea and do my version of your harem and do "Guys who can get it" but I won't put my friends on it. (Cuz then they might try something)