Friday, December 5, 2008

Tell Everybody That You Know

"I got the right. To put up a fight, but not quite. Cuz you cut off my light - but my sight? is BETTER tonight - so i might...see you in my nightmares..."

Sometimes I understand my girlfriend. Alot of times i'm stuck wanting to understand her and wanting to just be as crazy as I can be with her. She's the semi-crazy type, at least where I live. Where she lives is different. She is on the plateau to more while I beat myself for not being responsible. YET - I always know that a stress-free existence is promising alot as well. Fuck that - it's HANDING me the key to my full eternal release.

Sometimes I drift and think suicidially again and it's not healthy, this I already know. Yet, I also think that I should want to be all I can be and be the best for the one I love. I'm torn between self-fufillment and self-assurement that I selfishly consider the option of suicide, yet I'n my head I convince myself that this will alleviate me of the added pressures of the many.

"Hey hey hey...don't say you will...then play you will...i pray you will..."

HAHA - I won't exactly flirt with that. I just wish I could cry as easily as she does. I think the childhood erased my emotions as well as the whole 'outkast until 16' syndrome. When I accepted being weird is when people started understanding me for more than just a nerdy black kid. I had an imagination and it was bigger than this room we sit in.

So what if I was gone? Who would it DIRECTLY affect? Probably Sheree the most, but isn't that why 90% of them do it? To claim revenge or appear spiteful towards the one you love as to say - fine, we'll see how you do without me. It's a shame how pitful us humans can be at times. Going through uneccessary methods just to prove a fucking point.

Now I can march back in there and play GTA as if nothing has come of this and is if I went on a bender. I could be a stupid jackass and try and break my neck on this chandelier so people can turn the lights on me when I've got a rope on my reck.
Or I could just find her pills and swallow them all.

Hmm.

GTAIV is looking SO dope right now.

-H

1 comment:

trampledheart said...

I wouln't suggest swallowing all of the pills. My mom swallowed a whole bottle and a half of a gallon of vodka in an attempt to prove the same parsimonius point. Did she just disappear? We have schemas in life, allow yourself to acheive your destiny to its FULLEST extent.