"I got the right. To put up a fight, but not quite. Cuz you cut off my light - but my sight? is BETTER tonight - so i might...see you in my nightmares..."
Sometimes I understand my girlfriend. Alot of times i'm stuck wanting to understand her and wanting to just be as crazy as I can be with her. She's the semi-crazy type, at least where I live. Where she lives is different. She is on the plateau to more while I beat myself for not being responsible. YET - I always know that a stress-free existence is promising alot as well. Fuck that - it's HANDING me the key to my full eternal release.
Sometimes I drift and think suicidially again and it's not healthy, this I already know. Yet, I also think that I should want to be all I can be and be the best for the one I love. I'm torn between self-fufillment and self-assurement that I selfishly consider the option of suicide, yet I'n my head I convince myself that this will alleviate me of the added pressures of the many.
"Hey hey hey...don't say you will...then play you will...i pray you will..."
HAHA - I won't exactly flirt with that. I just wish I could cry as easily as she does. I think the childhood erased my emotions as well as the whole 'outkast until 16' syndrome. When I accepted being weird is when people started understanding me for more than just a nerdy black kid. I had an imagination and it was bigger than this room we sit in.
So what if I was gone? Who would it DIRECTLY affect? Probably Sheree the most, but isn't that why 90% of them do it? To claim revenge or appear spiteful towards the one you love as to say - fine, we'll see how you do without me. It's a shame how pitful us humans can be at times. Going through uneccessary methods just to prove a fucking point.
Now I can march back in there and play GTA as if nothing has come of this and is if I went on a bender. I could be a stupid jackass and try and break my neck on this chandelier so people can turn the lights on me when I've got a rope on my reck.
Or I could just find her pills and swallow them all.
GTAIV is looking SO dope right now.