As we all know, Hip-Hop is currently in a vegetated state. If Hip-Hop had a name right now, it would be Terri Schiavo. (too soon?) Anyway, all jokes aside - I figured I would personally address all of the "figures" in hip-hop at this moment to vent my ever-growing frustrations with the Hip-Hop culture, as well as the industry.
*ahem* Who first?
Eminem - You've never let me down, and you continue to keep me interested in your work. I'm not one of those fans who's like "Man, fuck 'Em - he'll never be the same" or some d*ck-ridin, bandwagon hopper like "Ohh man! It's so iLL to see Em on a song with Drizzy & Weezy!" Nope. Fuck all that. I respect this nigga for being a man and still doin' what he loves...because he does it WELL. His style is forever versatile, abrasive, unforgiving and direct. I read a news headline about how he recently received an award for the Artist of The Decade...well, Em...you DESERVE it. Much respect.
Lil' Wayne - Hope jail is treating you well. Leave Auto-Tune alone when you get out and I might like you again. Might. Nah. Probably not. I can't forgive you for creating Young Money.
Drake - You know what's funny about you? Your formula WORKS. My nigga, Jimmy Brooks. You figured out the game quick and moved your chess pieces in the right direction. I can't be mad. Now, I just need your lyrics to have more substance. When you are on your "who the f*ck are yall" and "baby, you the best" type of sh*t, I f*cks wit you. When you're "throwin hunneds" and "reppin for your town" (who the f*ck reps Toronto?) is when I jump ship. I won't give you the advice I gave Wayne, because those hooks you drop NEED Auto-Tune.
Gucci Mane - You just got OUTTA jail. Hope you can stay out. I've taken the sniper-rifle beam off of you and aimed it at Waka Flocka Flame. Be grateful. I ain't mad at you man, get your money. Just as long as you know you are an ENTERTAINER and not an Hip-Hop artist. Art actually requires CREATIVITY.
Nicki Minaj - OMG, where do I start? First of all, you don't really talk like that - so stop frontin'. Overall, stop frontin'. You are about as fake as the rhymes you write, and I'm well aware that fake is what sells - so keep on sellin' out. I had a shred of respect for you when I had first saw your B.I.G. freestyles on YouTube years ago, but I lost it the minute I heard "I Get Crazy". This isn't about the fact that you give chickenheads an excuse to be themselves, but it's more of an attack on your image. The fact that the public buys into the facade that is you, bothers me. It gets under my skin. Your annoying voice and horrible lyrics are easy to avoid, just turn it off. It's your face that I can't stand to see. I even caught myself feeling a shred of compassion towards you while reading your article in XXL, only to realize it was me being sympathetic over the fact that you'll never be able to be yourself. I can only hope that those album sales, quest appearances and royalty checks are enough to fill the hole in your soul.
Solar - You're a fucking goon. You know this. A dirty, soul-sucking, bitch-made goon who chose to profit off of your "friend"s demise. Fuck you, Solar. I love Gangstarr. I love Hip-Hop. Guru and Gangstarr are Hip-Hop. You are not. Stop trying to muscle your way in by not paying your dues and remixing Guru's LP's with your GARBAGE production. You disgust me. I would go into further detail of all the grimy and unorthodox shit you've done over the time you've known Guru until now, but I'm not even going to feed into that. You'll reap what you've sown...and like most real niggas, don't let me catch you in the streets on I'm mappin' you. Yeah. We still MAP bitch-ass niggas out here. R.I.P Guru.
Jay Electronica - PLEASE keep doing what you do. You're one of the few left who I can honestly say is actually paving the way for REAL hip-hop and change within this genre. You speak truth and have dealt with the hardships of humanity enough to know how to convey that pain into poetry, so I will continue to be fan of your work. PLEASE don't hop on the bandwagon with the rest of these faggots.
Fabolous - My homie says you're the best in the game right now...ehh, I beg to differ. My homie also likes Joe Budden, so I guess that's not really saying alot. Anyway, Fab - your wordplay has always been on point. I've enjoyed your flow since the "Holla Back" days and your swag has increased sevenfold over the years. Keep doing what you do, and don't associated with the lames *ahem* ya boy PLIES!! *ahem ahem*
Young Jeezy - You are my dude and I've held you down for a minute. Trap star, mixtape murderer, overall great artist. Don't follow Gucci. Let him do him. You still got this. Niggas BELIEVE in you and that's all that matters. You're the best thing to come out of ATL, since OutKast...LOL, oh yeah - and B.O.B.
Kid CuDi - WTF happened to you fam? You just like...vanished from Hip-Hop or something. Guess we couldn't top "Day N Nite", hmm? Get at me. We should talk. You know, when your done acting or whatever.
Nas - My nigga, you shoulda NEVER put your dick in Kelis. Now she RAPIN' you for that paper. Untitled didn't sell that much...where is this magical "child-support" coming from? LOL - You need to holla at Jay and do a couple tour runs with that nigga...but I know how that dude feels about people outshining him, so I doubt that'll happen. Best of luck with that project with Damien Marley. I still have faith in you.
Jay-Z - Okay, before I go in - fuck all that "Jay-Z Deception" shit. They like to confuse you too. I already know your a freemason and you sold your soul to the devil for riches. I know this. You do stupid shit like letting your b*tch walk around with a Baphomet ring and throw Illuminati symbols in your videos and clothing...how long did you think we'd be blind to this shit? I for one am not an idiot so don't assume I am, and in all actuality - I never really liked you anyway. I like a few of your joints, not gonna lie, but something always felt off about liking you. Now the more I hear you, the less i like you. It doesn't help that you've made that succubus Rihanna, your siren of the occult. I can hear the subliminal messages in the songs you make, but my ear was always keen to such nonsense. I will continue to educate others so that they too may hear the screams amongst the singing.
I'm not done. I'll post Part II when I have another free moment.