Funny, but I've always made my best beats while being deathly sick and snotty.
Also funny, is how this is the prime opportunity for everybody in the world to show up at my house, ready to work on a project or some beats.
Let me get something straight with you folks. I am almost 25 and I still live in the projects with my grandmother. We share a TV (which is in my room) and I don't complain about it because I don't pay rent (or any other bills, for that matter). For more than 4-5 years, my grandmother has been okay with me hopping from job to job (and sometimes not having a job for close to a year) and that's because I help out a lot, I'm dedicated to my music (which she takes seriously when she sees something flourish from it - ie: the Pepsi:Refresh commercial) and I keep things neutral around here. That gravy train is on it's last stop tho, so within the next year - I'm going to have to find a way to support myself - out on my own.
Sooooo, when I have people showing up randomly at my house (that goes for you too, Kesed) - it disturbs the tranquility of my home, resulting in my grandmother being upset, or me being knocked out of my comfort zone. It sucks to be resting in your bed, (in what seemed like a reasonable time to be asleep - 6:50am) in your boxers with your junk rattlin' around, only to be awaken by (not a hot-chick or Publisher's Clearing House saying I won $1,000,000) but the most random of characters. Nah, son. Give me at LEAST 9am to be coherent enough to understand and appreciate your presence. I respect your privacy, I would only hope you do the same.
Charles Hamilton is hitting me up on Facebook saying he's blocks away and I'm ignoring him. Ignorance is bliss. I've pretty much got the world (except for a few people in my close knit of friends) on MUTE. I'm trying to prevent myself from going Super Saiyan 2. Super Saiyan 2 H2 = Complete ASSHOLE, and I don't want to burn any bridges - even though I can't stop playing with the lighter. So, yeah - I've been on my "duck and dodge" shit. Look to the stars to find a Halo. Space is the place and that's where you'll find me.
For all you "starchasers" reading and following my blog in hopes for me to say something about Charles Hamilton - you know what? Fuck it. This is the last time I'll have anything to say on the dude, unless we work together in the future. What can I say that you don't already know? I don't enjoy "airing-out" people I know personally, but I'm getting tired of holding myself back - and that's in all areas of life. Guess I'm finally growing up a bit.
I was watching Illdoctrine's vid "Operation Ignore Charles Hamilton" and I forgot how hilarious yet, insanely on point it was. It's all true (everything from the ridiculous J Dilla claims as well as the thievery of beats on behalf of Black Spade - i remember how crushed I was to hear that "Boy Who Cried Wolf" -my fave CH song - wasn't produced by him, but at least he told me that) and I was well in contact with CH while it all was going down.
I was theoretically in the Demevolist "circle" (lol @ their rumors of me being gay...LOL, sooooo not true - but maybe you should look a bit closer within your group and it's founders), but I never put myself down with that because I'm my own artist. I've always been about that, which is why I only put about 25% of my efforts in producing for other artists. I don't wanna ride the curt-tails of anyone's success; I want to rest in the comfort of knowing I earned everything I have, so this way I'm not subjected to uncomfortably sleeping on the floor of anyone's studio.
Now, don't get it twisted - I'm not ungrateful. Far from it. I'm thankful for all of the positivity that came from being affiliated with Charles Hamilton. CH's blog as well as Dope2Go gave my name a bit of a push - right before the Demev ship took a nose-dive - so I was glad to have been a part of that. We had plenty of chill times in that spooky house in Westchester, (i was convinced that place made me feel like my aura was being drained, until I learned that certain people around you can do that) we smoked maaaaad bud, drank booze and ate pizza until our hearts content. We ran up CH's credit-card something crazy between the cab rides back and forth to the city, but I definitely was no HchO (LOL). We even got into a little bit of beat making up there (the jumping point for Dope2Go) and that was cool. However, one particular incident stood out for me and made me change the way I viewed Charles as a person - forever.
We had to go to the store to pick up a few things, so we left the house - just me and CH, leaving the ladies (he was with Briana at the time) in the house. Mind you, walking to a store in Westchester is like walking to a gas station in Texas, so we had plenty of time to rap about some shit...yet, somehow we both were silent. You know, that uncomfortable silence. In an attempt to break the silence, I said to Charles: "So, what's really going on in the world of Charles Hamilton?"
In which he replies, "Nothing really...I just think it's funny how people have to find something to talk about when no one's talking."
Oh, word? Here I am trying to make an honest attempt in figuring out the state of mind this dude's in (because that's an anomaly in itself - yet somehow I cared enough to want to know) as well as attempting to establish a link with him (because we never really understood each other completely, there was always weirdness there - and it still is at times) and this dude is on his pedestal shit. Okay, cool. You don't have to tell me twice in order for me to get the hint. From then on, I had made a silent vow to myself to always keep Charles at an arm's length.
I knew from then on that I had to do me. Sad, because here I am thinking we're friends - only to find out we're "friendly-associates". I knew dude was a bit conceited, but I chose to ignore that about him. I thought that was part of his "rap-persona", not who he was for real. Maybe that's why I have a bit of a "chip on my shoulder" when it comes to everything he's involved in.
I still find myself curious to know of his endeavors (as any fan of an artist they admire would), but not to the point in which I'm willing to sacrifice my own comfort and image behind it. Even throughout all of his career fiasco's, I always tried to put in a good word on his behalf, as well as extend my advice to him - because that's what I do with everyone. My name is Halo for that very reason: (check the definition - mainly Section B)
A : a circle of light appearing to surround the sun or moon and resulting from refraction or reflection of light by ice particles in the atmosphere.
B : the aura of glory, veneration, or sentiment surrounding an idealized person or thing; an indication of radiant light drawn around the head of a saint.
I've always prided myself in my ability to help others, and I will continue to do so. Whether it's through music, money, advice or whatever - as long as you are genuine in your approach, I'll be willing to help you. I can no longer try and advise Charles, because he is beyond advisement.
Every time I would try and say something meaningful to this kid, it would be like talking to a child - in one ear and out the other. He tunes you out when he feels like you're attacking his character or his beliefs (even more-so when you're right about it), almost as if you were scolding him - when in actuality, you're just trying to help him. It requires a certain level of humility to be able to absorb and accept advisement - a level I don't think he'll ever reach. He's one of those rare individuals who will convince themselves something is the truth (even though it's been proven time and time again to be false) to the point where he believes his opinion is fact and will remain solid and immobile within his opinion.
Charles Hamilton has made a name for himself by being forthright and honest, however that has bit him in the ass on plenty occasions. That's why Briana snuffed him. Only someone close to him can knock some sense into him by humiliating him and putting him in his place, so I commend Briana for "the punch heard round the world". They both were going through some personal shit at the time - so just because a camera is in your face, that doesn't mean something personal becomes the public's business because you are a public figure. Briana was right in what she did, and I called her the minute after I saw the video and told her so. (LOL - I remember laughing with Briana and hearing Charles in the background saying, "Aww - you fucked up for that one, H...") What do you want me to do? It was funny. I'm just glad he didn't hit her back. That woulda ended him right then and there.
Now, this is where things started getting shaky.
I don't know if it was just him really believing himself again or just sheer insanity, but he does the unthinkable and lists J Dilla as his Executive Producer in the album credits for "This Perfect Life". Nope. Wrong move. I can understand if he was being "over-zealous " or trying to honor the spirit of Dilla within his music, but there are plenty of other ways he could have paid homage to Dilla that are feasible (and are a lot less legally conflicting - damn, am I repeating myself?). As quickly as he made his entrance to the industry, he was just as quickly beginning to sink. He never told me himself that Interscope had planned to drop him as an artist, but I knew. The minute I found out "This Perfect Life" was going to be a free download, I knew.
The fans and the haters alike were beginning to connect the dots of his pathological lies and were given an ultimatum: Either rock with Charles during his decent into obscurity, in hopes for an eventual ascension - or just jump off the boat completely. I chose the former over the latter, but I see myself now leaning in the other direction .
Hence, where we are now. Fast-Forward past all of the drama - past him getting jawwed by Briana, past the Dilla fiasco. Now, we're faced with a Charles Hamilton that is picking up the pieces of a broken career and he's having very little help.
I know I can't help him.
I can't even smoke weed with this dude anymore and enjoy myself, because when he gets high he goes on tangents that rival the patterns of a Spirograph. One of his best-friends/associates in the Demev circle, Sha-liek, hit me up on Facebook and spoke about that very issue.
"Yo, Halo - do not smoke with this dude Charles. He gets crazy when he's high - mad spacey and out of it..."
I'm not going to go into further detail about what Sha-leik said within the rest of the conversation, but it did open my eyes to a lot of shit that Charles does. Even my homie Sciryl (the dude who introduced us to each other) advised me not to smoke with this dude. Why should I? I'm only hindering his growth by perpetuating his downfall. He's not only made me feel uncomfortable on more than a few occasions, but he's made other people around me that don't even know him view me in a different way. I was excited to tell people I was working with Charles in the beginning. They'd be like, "Werd? You know Charles Hamilton? That's DOPE!" and now it's more like, "Charles Hamilton? Isn't that the kid who got dropped before his album came out? What's he doing with himself?"
It's bad enough I've had to borderline kick him out of my house because of him passing out on my bed.
It's bad when I see him dip to the bathroom a good 3-4 times in a 2-3hr span of time, not knowing what the hell he's doing in there.
It's bad when you wear out your welcome and don't know when to leave.
It's just overall bad, and I'm doing too good right now to be affected by all of this negativity around me.
So, for now...MUTE.