Sometimes, I'll wake up in the morning and want to rip the phone jack out of the wall.
If it aint TELEMARKETERS wakin' me up at the crack of ass (when I should theoretically be allowed to sleep through most of the day), it's clients, friends, associates and so on.
LEAVE ME BE, I SAY!!
I don't wish to be perceived as a snob, or snobbish. That isn't even my style. I just can't be all "hop to it" like everyone wants me to be. This time period is reminiscent to the summer of 2007 when everybody wanted a piece of H2. When there wasn't a day I could spend by myself, because every circle was pulling me every which way. While I admire being the one always considered for the hang-outs and the get-togethers, sometimes I just need to blend with the shadows for awhile.
This time around, I'm setting my OWN standard.
I will no longer be a victim of the "push&pull" of obligations. I feel that once you are "obligated" to do something, it's like making a promise with that person that you will always be there to get them out of a jam. Nah.
As an artist with talent, you have to realize that talent for what it's worth.
Too many times have I fallen prey to the "obligation" of having to help someone I know, or someone who knows someone that enjoys what I do. These people never come up to me with blank checks like, "Yo H! I'm diggin' ur style, fam! How much do YOU want for that beat?". Never would they. They expect you to help them out until they break out of the same situation you're in as a struggling artist (that's the excuse half of the time - "Yo, you know I would pay you but time's is rough right now...but don't worry tho, I got you when we make it...just keep workin wit me...")
...and all I can do is laugh, really. These kids are actual PERFORMERS and actually get PAID on the regular. I don't have a job or a gig for that matter. They do at LEAST a show a week and see no less than $50 for that show. Now what THEY do with their money is truly on THEM, but where does H2 fit in the equation? RARELY does an artist come out of pocket for my beats (i think the most I ever got from a beat was $20 and 3 bags of Kush), and i'm starting to realize that $10 a session isn't really worth all of the stress that creating music for individuals entails. Nah.
Spoke to Charles on the phone yesterday and it was like talking to a therapist while being a therapist. He is easily misunderstood (as am I) so it's always a joy to talk to him because he is usually helping me put my own fears at ease.
I'm glad he still reaches out because he feels like I understand him (I do a good 85% of the time...I wish I could be as far out in space and time as dude is). He's on the way back from SXSW, and dude is as humble as humble can be. I love it. I remember when he used to just FLOOD us with new shit and we'd be like "Alright! Alright! We know you doin ya thing, Charles!", but now it's like trying to open Pandora's Box to get him to reveal some new shit...he's so coy and humble about his life now, and it's great to see him living his life remotely stress free considering all he's been through. I'd like to think that I had a hand in teaching him some of those lessons, but I won't bother to take credit. ;)
So, back to Squared One. Yeah, I know you're not supposed to start a sentence with SO and it's "Square One". SO what? It's my bloggy and I'll blog how I want to. :)
I wanna say (for the record) that this isn't me being selfish. This is me being self-righteous. I have to have more respect for myself and my craft before I can have others respect it for what it truly is.