Sour Patch Tooth Grenades.

Dammit, dammity, damn damn damn. Of all the the things I procrastinate in doing, going to the dentist is the thing that I am paying for the most.

DEARLY.

I used to love candy as a kid. Candy and cakes. I started with the BS "common candy" as I like to call it...Bazooka Joe gum, Bubbaloo, the spanish "Gum Bol", Butterscotches from Grandma's Dish...and my love for candy just grew and grew.
I never came around to licorice candies, jelly beans and candy corn. YUCK...

...but when I found sour candy? What?! It was a WRAP.
Sour Apple Blow Pops (pause), Blu Raspberry Blow Pops (double pause), Cry Babies, Eye Poppers...they even had this like sour salt type of shit when I moved to Texas called Lucas (gotta google that see if it's still around), but my mom didn't want me eatin that shit because she said it was like salt. That shit was like eating Kool-Aid straight out the packet, son!

Point? I am nearing 24 and cannot fathom eating half of the candy I grew up loving.
I bought $1.25 worth of Sour Patch Kids Watermelon Slices, and got through about 3 of them. My teeth were on fire.

Bombs.

Little sticky, gummy grenades caught in the cracks and crevices of my teeth - exploding in a rush of pain from the cavity unknown.

They really try to warn ya when your young, kiddies.
"Dont' eat all that candy - you'll rot yer teeth out!"
You think, "How is that possible? Rot my teeth? I'd have to eat like 10lbs of sugar straight to rot MY teeth out..."

Nope. All you gotta do is have a sweettooth for about 20 years straight and you'll be wishin' you picked up a celery stick for every Sour Power/Twizzler you devoured...i know I am.

**UPDATE**

So I Googled that Lucas candy salt -ish, right? Turns out that they BANNED that shit because it contained dangerous levels of lead...and I used to EAT that shit! You can read about it here...damn Mexicans and their fucked up candy!

Off The RADAR.

Sometimes, I'll wake up in the morning and want to rip the phone jack out of the wall.

SERIOUSLY.

If it aint TELEMARKETERS wakin' me up at the crack of ass (when I should theoretically be allowed to sleep through most of the day), it's clients, friends, associates and so on.

LEAVE ME BE, I SAY!!

I don't wish to be perceived as a snob, or snobbish. That isn't even my style. I just can't be all "hop to it" like everyone wants me to be. This time period is reminiscent to the summer of 2007 when everybody wanted a piece of H2. When there wasn't a day I could spend by myself, because every circle was pulling me every which way. While I admire being the one always considered for the hang-outs and the get-togethers, sometimes I just need to blend with the shadows for awhile.

This time around, I'm setting my OWN standard.

I will no longer be a victim of the "push&pull" of obligations. I feel that once you are "obligated" to do something, it's like making a promise with that person that you will always be there to get them out of a jam. Nah.

As an artist with talent, you have to realize that talent for what it's worth.

Too many times have I fallen prey to the "obligation" of having to help someone I know, or someone who knows someone that enjoys what I do. These people never come up to me with blank checks like, "Yo H! I'm diggin' ur style, fam! How much do YOU want for that beat?". Never would they. They expect you to help them out until they break out of the same situation you're in as a struggling artist (that's the excuse half of the time - "Yo, you know I would pay you but time's is rough right now...but don't worry tho, I got you when we make it...just keep workin wit me...")

...and all I can do is laugh, really. These kids are actual PERFORMERS and actually get PAID on the regular. I don't have a job or a gig for that matter. They do at LEAST a show a week and see no less than $50 for that show. Now what THEY do with their money is truly on THEM, but where does H2 fit in the equation? RARELY does an artist come out of pocket for my beats (i think the most I ever got from a beat was $20 and 3 bags of Kush), and i'm starting to realize that $10 a session isn't really worth all of the stress that creating music for individuals entails. Nah.

Spoke to Charles on the phone yesterday and it was like talking to a therapist while being a therapist. He is easily misunderstood (as am I) so it's always a joy to talk to him because he is usually helping me put my own fears at ease.

I'm glad he still reaches out because he feels like I understand him (I do a good 85% of the time...I wish I could be as far out in space and time as dude is). He's on the way back from SXSW, and dude is as humble as humble can be. I love it. I remember when he used to just FLOOD us with new shit and we'd be like "Alright! Alright! We know you doin ya thing, Charles!", but now it's like trying to open Pandora's Box to get him to reveal some new shit...he's so coy and humble about his life now, and it's great to see him living his life remotely stress free considering all he's been through. I'd like to think that I had a hand in teaching him some of those lessons, but I won't bother to take credit. ;)

So, back to Squared One. Yeah, I know you're not supposed to start a sentence with SO and it's "Square One". SO what? It's my bloggy and I'll blog how I want to. :)
I wanna say (for the record) that this isn't me being selfish. This is me being self-righteous. I have to have more respect for myself and my craft before I can have others respect it for what it truly is.

Deuces.

Aiight, aiight, aiight...

...so perhaps I was wrong about the white boy?
Perhaps...

Suu-Suu-STUDIO!

I need a studio now. Like, BADLY.

Saturday morning I woke up around 9am for a 11am appointment at a Wonderful Music Studios in SoHo. I've been in studios before. This wasn't my first "studio-experience".
However, I've never felt as comfortable in a studio like I've felt in this one.

I met up with Justin (Pop) @ the studio, and the peeps we were supposed to meet weren't there. Okay. Cool.

"I'm actually kinda calm." Pop says, and I agree with him. I've been put through these "at the door, almost getting the okay to go through it" situations so many times already, that I've lost that inital "nervous anticipation" or "first jitters". We took a stroll real quick to a nearby Halal truck and Pop picked us up some ginger ales to keep us from being parched. We came back to the studio and waited around for a bit, starting to think that we had arrived too early, when this skinny Caucasian fella strolls up like, "Hi, I'm Dan - you guys here to meet with *** about a session?". We agree, and he invites us in.

Now, I had already had my reservations about the studio in my head.
Like most studios, it's a naturally quiet environment that is meant to perfect one's sound in an artificial manner. I usually object to that artificiality because it affects the way I make music. Or at least that's what I used to feel like. This place changed my whole perspective on a "studio experience".

As he's telling us to relax and get comfortable, I notice three things that put my soul at ease immediately.

1: A box full of that good-ole 1960's-1970's thrift shop purchased vinyl.
2: Two turntables, a mixer and what looks to me like Serato Scratch LIVE.
3. A Flatscreen TV hooked up to a Nintendo Wii.

Dan is one of the coolest engineers I've EVER met. I hate when you go in a studio or a studio-like setting and it seems as if the person helping you has your overall intentions in mind, yet is trying to do their job so efficiently that they take on the project as their own, rather then a unity of ideas. I sensed NONE of that from Dan, quite frankly I found that Dan was open to a lot of ideas and we were able to vibe on a musical level very quickly.

We didn't even jump right into the music.
We played some RE4 (Resident Evil 4 for you n00bs) for awhile, listened to some Middle-Eastern vinyl for sample inspiration, and then I inquired about Serato (the latest reason to make you throw away all of your vinyl...lol nah nah, I would NEVER do that) because I never used it before. I've seen DJ's KILL it with Serato, and I always wanted to f**k wit it, just never was around a Serato set for that long and didn't have the $500 to buy it.

Dan starts out by blending some Electro and showing me the ins and outs of the program, then lets me give it a whirl.

Man, let me tell you.
I have not felt that alive with the music since I left The Door and Recess. (for those that don't know, The Door is a community center right below the high school I used to attend where I learned to DJ by going to afterschool classes...and Recess was my first "real" gig, where I would spin Drum n' Bass music every Wednesday night until the wee hours of the morning...)

After spinning together for about 20 minutes or so, Dan was really feeling my DJ style and even invited me to DJ his birthday party coming up this week.

Flattered was I? Yes.
I hadn't even DJed a full 30min set, we just were B2Bing it (back to back) and he was diggin' it. Cool. That's when I realized that DJing is something I will NEVER lose. It will ALWAYS be in my heart to DJ, because that's where this whole obsession with music started.

It stared when I was 3 years old and my mom had bought me a Fisher Price turntable for Christmas. (i need to Google that again to show yall what it looked like - it was SOOOOO tuff!)

I didn't quite know it then, but I knew I loved to play different records and I knew that playing with the speed of the sound was fun too. My love for Hip-Hop would later on have me making mixes in my head. Life would soon cast me into the arms of a father-figure who actually let me experiment with his turntables on a few occassions. (lol - now my dad wouldn't wanna battle me in a mixdown - i would tear him UP!)

Point? Even though the meeting was essentially a "bust", I still gained a lot out of it. It helped revive my love of spinning as well as ignite a new flame of desire...to aquire my OWN studio so that I can have as much fun doing what I love on the REGULAR!

*sigh* Good times...

PS: This is what my first turntable used to look like:

I Guess School Isn't THAT Bad...

(Shouts to B. Yung)

This has made me feel completely small.
Thank you, Ryan Leslie.
Thank you for making me see how an MBA in Music is ACTUALLY something worth shooting for.
Watch and learn, n00bs.



*blown*

The Science of A Black Man's Suicide

So, today I'm checking HipHopDX as usual (thanks Brian), and I stumble upon a headline in relation to "King Tut" of the 730 Dips.

Really don't know who he is like that (these Dipset niggas have like 20 different branches of nigga legislature...Purple City Byrdgang, Skull Gang, 730 Dips...etc.) but It shocked me to read that he had recently commited suicide.

First thought. Damn. Another black man lost? To himself? FUCK...

I read the article further and made a decent post that I'll share with ya:

**from HipHopDX**

730 Dips Affiliate Commits Suicide In Police Standoff
March 18th, 2009 | Author: Allen Jacobs

Darnell "King Tut" Brittingham's battle with the law ended yesterday, after a troubled 2009. Last month, the 730 Dips affiliate was arrested on February 12 for drug charges, as well as connected to another felony stabbing crime one day later.

Yesterday (March 17), in North Elsmford, New York, Brittingham shot himself in a taxi cab, as police patrol cars began to surround the wanted suspect. Hackensack police, the New Jersey department where Brittingham had outstanding warrants, is assisting in the case, says New Jersey's Courier Post Online.

Per reports, the rapper and perceived Freekey Zekey [click to read] affiliate was leaving a motel with a female companion in the taxi. As police approached and demanded the driver and two fares leave the vehicle, Brittingham stayed behind, firing a semi-automatic hand gun once. He was dead when police entered the cab.

As late as last night, police were waiting to confirm the deceased. As the suspect at the time of incident, reports are strongly suggesting that it is indeed Brittingham.

No members of 730 Dips have yet to comment on the situation.

**

I read further down to see a comment made by a Dyce Lo:

R.I.P. to any and all of my brothers and sisters. THIS IS definatly sad. yet i must say as a 20 year old blackman. who has been in and out the system since 11. yes 11 years old. i can understand dude going out how he did. jail/prison. thats a coffin where u are awake. and for a convicted felon wit a new beat. plus you affiliated wit a rapper. its curtains.


please remember suicide is the highest in the black community out of all races.

and he is not the first[nor last artist] to commit suicide. any one feeling suicidal; please talk to someone first. someone who cares.

artists who died from sucide;
KING TUT
HALF A MIL[THE FIRM; DROPPED 2 SOLO LP'S]
KRS 1 SON
X-1 [STICKY FINGAZ BROTHER-ONYX]
OL DIRTY BASTERD
KURT COBAIN
NO ONE WANTS TO SAY IT; BUT PIMP C

PEACE

Now I respect dude's post. Yes, it started out well...he just made a few "errors". While correcting him, I made a very insightful post:

@ Dyce Lo:

Aiight, aiight. Before I even get in on this subject, lemmie make a quick correction. ODB did NOT commit suicide - he swallowed a deadly amount of crack/cocaine in efforts to escape more jail time, but it winded up killing him.

Umm...SUICIDE? No. SUICIDE is the act of one willingly taking their own lives. Not accidental overdose. PIMP C? Another overdose case. Why would PIMP C want to end his life when it was going so well? Wouldn't he have just killed himself in JAIL? *ahem*

================

Now back to this "King Tut" character.

Depression is a real disease, a SILENT killer at that. When that cloud is hanging over you, suicide can seem like the only option. For anyone considering that option, I will say first hand that it isn't even worth the thought. I tried it and failed and I couldn't be more happy that I'm alive today to type this. Things DO get better.

I don't know what was going on in dude's life, nor do I care really. He had a few run-in's with the law, but at the end of the day - the society we live in is dog-eat-dog and is set-up for the downfall of most citizens, especially minorities.

If you come up in the hood in NY, "you either sling crack-rock or u got a wicked jump-shot". Biggie was NOT far off. You cannot perpetuate the stereotype by doing the same dumb shit everyone around you is doing.

It's hard to avoid the temptation. You watch the hustlers get rich, every other nigg-- is trying to be the next 50, Cam or whatever, and the real goals of actually making something of yourself are masked by the ideals of an easy come-up. Doin the "right" thing seems like 10x more effort than doing the wrong thing.


Now the last time I read something on here about this "King Tut" dude, he was going down off of traffikin bud. Okay, that's dumb - yes. Not dumb enough to end your own life, though.

I'm sure if he had someone in his corner telling him to actually make something of himself instead of hanging around with all of these fuck-heads (who probably won't even front the $$$ to pay for a decent burial), he probably would be alive today.

Sad fucking story...I hope Cam has the nuts to say something in his favor.

I don't know why, but right now Lauryn Hill's "Lost Ones" is playing in my head as I write this...

Cudi Hit The Nail...

...on the HEAD. Crazy how people IN the industry still can find issues with it...ummm...maybe because the music industry is as much of a corporate monster as any other corporation? Here's what he said:

**from Kid Cudi's BLOG**

AFTER THE RELEASE OF MY FIRST LP THIS SUMMER, IAM NOT MAKING ANY MORE
SOLO ALBUMS. IAM FALLIN BACK ON BEING A ARTIST. THE DRAMA THAT COMES
WITH IT IS MORE OVERWHELMING THAN THE SHIT I WAS DEALING WIT WHEN I WAS
PISS POOR BROKE. MY FRIENDS GET MAD AT ME, SAY IVE CHANGED, ONE OF THE
ONLY HOMIES I GOT IN THIS GAME, WALE, IS WORRIED ABOUT ME CUZ OF SHIT
HE HEARS. LIKE WTF? WHO CAN SAY IM BEIN HOLLYWOOD? IM NOT AROUND ANYONE
BUT PLAIN PAT AND EMILE. WHO CAN SAY THAT SHIT? MUTHAFUCKAS TALKIN SHIT
HERE AND THERE, SPREADIN RUMORS, MAKIN JOKES, TRYNA JUDGE ME, AND FOR
WHAT? DOES MY MUSIC POKE FUN AT OTHERS? DO I TALK SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE N
MY MUSIC? I ALREADY WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL ONCE, AND GOT EXPELLED CUZ IT
WASNT FOR ME. IMA DROP OUT THIS SHIT BEFORE NIGGAZ TRY AND CRUCIFY ME.

I DONT LOOK AT IT AS QUITTING, FOR I HAVE ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED MY
GOAL. I HAVE A SOLID FANBASE WHO TRUELY APPRECIATES ME AND MY MESSAGES
THRU SONG, I GOT MULTIPLE BIG RECORDS, I HAVE RECIEVED WORLDWIDE
CRITICAL ACCLAIM FROM THE BIGGEST TASTEMAKERS IN THE GAME, 3 FAN MADE
BEST OF MIXTAPES WITHOUT EVEN RELEASING MORE THAN ONE MIXTAPE AND NOT
EVEN RELEASING A ALBUM, I CAN PAY MY MOMS MORTGAGE AND HELP MY SISTER
WITH MY NIECE AND HOLD MY BROTHERS DOWN WITH WUTEVER THEY NEED. THATS
WUT I GOT IN THIS GAME FOR, TO ACCOMPLISH ALL THESE GOALS AND I HAVE.
NO REGRETS
IM SORRY TO THE FANS, IM SO SORRY YALL. I KNO U GUYS WILL ALL HATE
ME, BUT REMEMBER, IM JUS A REGULAR DUDE WHO WAS GIVEN A AMAZING GIFT,
AND NOW WITH THAT AMAZING GIFT CAME MORE UNCALLED FOR PROBLEMS THAN THE
AVERAGE HUMAN BEING SHOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH.

AGAIN, IAM SORRY, BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP ME FROM GOING COMPLETELY
INSANE. IM TOO REAL FOR THIS HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL SHIT. BAK TO THE MOON
I GO
^
^
^
My response:

On some real shit, I kinda feel Cudi right now.

The labels and industries have taken Hip-Hop music as a brand and
have tried to curb it and mold it in a fashion that is against it’s own
foundation. Hip-Hop was built to DEFY the rules, not to co-exist with
them to the point of building a caste system within itself.

Cudi is probably dealing with what most new (and good) artists have
to deal with - and that’s not having a life of your own for awhile.
Having to show up and perform at shows or unscheduled meetings at the
drop of a hat can be physically and emotionally taxing. Especially when
alot of these decisions aren’t necessarily made by YOU but more so your
manager, publicist, etc.

The life of an artist is not just “make that music, make that
money”. It’s the little things that push and pull you along the
way…family…temptation…loyalty…things that can make you and break you if
you don’t stay focused.

I feel him on the industry thing, only because as an upcoming artist
myself - I see the industry for what it is. There’s no REAL room for
creativity and self-expression unless it’s in accordance to what
THEY’RE trying to portray. If you don’t come out swinging with a “hit”,
you’re AUTOMATICALLY shelved and unheard from.

New artists who are actually TALENTED don’t get to see the light of
day because they didn’t make a “ringtone friendly” song, or didn’t
generate enough internet buzz. Producer’s who don’t sound like Polow Da
Don or rappers who don’t rap and dance like Soulja Boy get immediately
labeled as UNDERGROUND.
Is that really what HIP-HOP is? Because I remember being a kid in
the late 80’s - early 90’s, and it seemed alot REALER than this.

My point? HIP-HOP is NOT dead, but it’s having an identity crisis.

So many new artists are trying to emulate the next best thing
because they know this is what will do numbers. They also know this is
what the labels are looking for as well, so are they wrong? I’m sure
HIP-HOP would be alot more diverse and less repetitive if we had more
Cudi’s out there who stood on their own two feet about how they feel
about the the industry robot. More people who actually respected
HIP-HOP as an ART FORM and not just a “get-rich quick” scheme…

…yet, something tells me that in the day and age we live in, this
cycle will continue to perpetuate itself and Kid Cudi will be phased
out by this time next year by the next Lil’ Kid So and So who’s made
that dope single for everyone to bump to. I guess the real lesson here
is don’t bite the hand that feeds you? Hmmm…

…or better yet? Is being REAL to who you are an what you stand for
worth potentially throwing away all that you’ve dreamed of? Hmmm…more
things to paander…

-H