I'm at a point in my life where my back is against the wall. I've spend so much time wandering, not knowing where I'm going or why im even walking in that direction. It's time for this to end.
I need to get back to focusing my energy towards other things, towards other sources of energy. My life force has been pulled in so many directions that I don't even know the name of the path I was once destined to walk down. Success? Happiness? Money? These are all things I had at one point that have, much like everything else in my life, slipped through my fingers. No longer. I will now take control of this destiny and not allow those close to me, far from me and right in front of my face to shape my destiny for me.
I've asked all of the others for advice not realizing that they too do not hold the answers - they are merely relating their own shadows of misfortune to mine. I do not wish to appear "depressed" for I am not - I just feel a great weight being lifted off of my shoulders. I feel as if the blinders are being pulled from my eyes and I no longer have to suffer from tunnel vision. If I wish to make something of myself in this society we live in, I will have to assume responsiblity for my own actions and stop allowing myself to be pampered and comfortable with my current setting.
I am TIRED of others looking to me as a model of perfect achievement, for I merely exist. I get by through the assistance of my family and I get high to elude the reality of things not being half of what they seem. There was a time where I could allow this recreational lifestyle to continue, however my time is now up. I am 24, living with my grandmother, unemployed and not enrolled in school. On the outside looking in, I have NOTHING going for me. However, I am no different from you - I just do not allow life's strains and constraints to keep me from shining and being as flourescent as I will always be. Things tend to roll off of me, but not this. This is becoming too regular...too often am I chastized for not being enough of a man - yet I'm looked upon as an angel. I put my faith in God and he has yet to let me down, so with him my faith shall remain. I only pray that he give me the strength to perservere so that I may prove all of my doubters wrong.
This future is MINE to command, and command it I shall.
No more talking now, only movement. Silence is GOLDEN.
3 comments:
Wassup Halo
Yo man u prob startin 2 think ima stan or wateva
but dats not the case
i believe (abd have experienced) God puts certain people in my life 2 teach me things and open my eyes 2 things
it started way back wit me wanting to persue writing
meetin people learning new things
good and bad
all the way to me persuing music
goin to MTSU
stumbling on Charles Hamilton
feeling close to him
an his music
thru ways i cant even begin 2 explain
like everything happening to me is Deja Vu
i dont kno man
but as i write this im gettin teary eyed realizing this
(dont call me crazy plz)
but 4rm me stumbling on CH "by chance"
to stumbling on my now brother
4rm New York's blog
Precyse (Sean)
and him featuring your
"AndILikrMyPsychEasterPink" mixtape
to me finding u
bruh i've grown so closer to God thru all this
and jus recently man wen u put that Jay-Z Deception on your facebook
i have been on a ever quest 4 knowledge man
and i thank the Lord 4 dat cause it opened up my eyes 2 all the evils in the world
but where im tryin 2 go wit this is even more shockin
I promise u everything u jus said was goin thru my mind last night
wen my fiance was havin horrible contractions and we thought my son was comin (De'Shun Harlem Robinson God works in mysterious ways)
I'm not exactly in yours shoes but i am
20
recently unemployed
stayin wit my gurl and her mamma
and people still believe i have a great ability wit my writing
so i get lazy and kinda cut myself short of my potential...
i set out and made a plan last night 2 get myself right
things have already started
lookin brighter
H2 i kno everythin will b good 4 u
i have a feelin your life will play out more then fine
shit man we on the same path
in different areas
u should read the book
The 33 Stratagies of War by Robert Greene
didnt spell the title right but thats the author i've read all his books to equip me wit knowledge 2 take on and defend myself against everyday
"Niggas feel u ova here my nigga word. Niggas need u ova here my nigga"
- CH
I am, yours sincerely,
The Poet
Joe Cool
man i 4got 2 tell u i was writing Simone also and she helped me 2 see things i was doin wrong in my life....
hey man like i said not tryin 2 sound like a stan
its jus crazy how all the these played and continue 2 play out in my life
i wanna tell u everything thats happened but i can get 2 dat l8r
I am, yours sincerely,
The Poet
Joe Cool
all i can say is thanks, im in the verbatim of what u just wrote. 24, unemployed, living at home, no school, and the weight of others criticizing. its hard but it has to get better after it gets worse right...this spoke volumes to me i thought i was the only one and shouts to Smitty i feel you my nigga, im right there wit you.
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