The Myth of Lovechild Zelda

My Top 25 Cartoon Characters.

2010-11-23T15:46:00.001-08:00

This is a list of 25 of my favorite animated characters of all time. Enjoy.
Feel free to make your own if you feel like I missed out on someone important.

1. Carl Brutananadilewski (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

I know what you're thinking. Really, H? Really? Number ONE is CARL?! Yes. Yes he is. I can comfortably say Carl is my favorite cartoon character of ALL time. Carl is your average middle-aged male from New Jersey (his accent is HILARIOUS), shrewdly placed in the ATHF universe. As a neighbor to the most unforgiving and appalling neighbors ever, Carl is subjected to everything that the ATHF gang has to deal with. Carl is a simple man with no goals (or a future) who is stuck in the 1980's hair band wave amongst other old-school traditions. Cheap and easily pleased with sports and internet porn, Carl somehow always manages to get caught in the mix with whats going on with the Aqua Teens (which usually ends up in his demise). Crude, rude and obnoxious all around - Carl is the perfect man's man...and my favorite cartoon character.

2. Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)

Everyone's favorite diabolical and maniacal baby has secured the #2 spot on my list. Why? Simply put - you have NEVER met a baby like Stewie before. Stewie combines all of the innocence and joy of being a baby with the cynical and stereotypical judgments of an adult, making for a hilarious and classic cartoon character. I honestly didn't like Stewie when I first started watching Family Guy, because I thought his character was monotonous and bland - however, when they brought back the show from cancellation - it was if a new Stewie had emerged. A Stewie with more attitude who was in the spotlight more often - and that made me grow to love him.

3. Goku (DragonBall Z)

Goku is EVERYONE'S favorite hero. He's your favorite hero's favorite hero. As honorable and as noble as they come, Goku's story is as unique as it is impressive. One can say that part of the joy of believing in a cartoon character is knowing that character is fictional in nature - however, Goku is one of those rare characters you could believe actually exists. Goku (aka Kakarot) is the epitome of everything pure and valiant in a hero, while remaining as human and as above-human as possible. Goku has a knack of overcoming unfathomable odds all the while remaining cool and calm under pressure. Passive in nature, Goku is not one to look for conflict - but would rather scoff at it in hopes of a joke. Willing to put anything on the line (including his life - on several occasions) to protect his family and friends, Goku is that selfless and determined hero you can always depend on.

4. Eric Cartman (South Park)

Eric Cartman is that kid you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Offensive in all forms of the word, overtly racist and sexist - Cartman has evolved from a mere troublesome child to a flat-out terrorist on everything sacred. His mother is a hermaphrodite who has been around the block a few times and his father is unknown to him - causing him to be bitter. Spoiled and a glutton, Cartman prides himself in getting what he wants and will often be greedy - taking more than he deserves. Obsessed with money, snacks and authority - Cartman's only weakness is that he still longs for the innocence of being a child. Besides that, Eric Cartman is the All-American Nightmare.

5. Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)

As a boy growing up in the 90's, I needed a child-like animated character to identify with and the first one I can remember is Bart. Bart was your typical bad-boy with no respect for the rules, who was always one step ahead of the game by being so cool and smooth. Being the popular daredevil (me all the way) who has a nerd (Milhouse) as a best friend, Bart cant as much as step out of the bed without doing it in a cool way. Even when he has to look the part of an angel, one can still see the devil in him itching to escape - ready to mark the streets with an "El Barto" tag and a skateboard.

6. Peter Griffin (Family Guy)

This was a hard one because I was torn between Peter and Homer Simpson for this slot, but after analyzing all of the pros and cons - Peter was declared the winner. (that and the fact that I have a plethora of Simpsons characters throughout this list) Peter Griffin is quite possibly the dumbest, rudest, and most thoughtless character you could ever come across - but it's those very factors that makes him lovable. The thing you can always appreciate about Peter is that he keeps it real. Maybe a little TOO real at times, but the REALEST.

7. Master Shake (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

If you haven't watched ATHF (for whatever dumb reason you haven't) you are missing out on one of the best characters ever created in cartoon history. Master Shake is no regular cup with a face. No way. Shake will take something perfect and beautiful and find complete fault and distaste in it. He destroys almost everything he comes in contact with and demands to be respected at all times - even when he's wrong, which is almost all if not all of the time. If you can deal with someone who has no regard for your feelings and will most likely get you into trouble without knowing (then refusing to admit it was he that got you in said trouble) you might be able to handle Shake.

8. Coach McGuirk (Home Movies)

Never has a cartoon character been so unforgiving and unapologetic as John McGuirk. As the coach of a 4th Grade soccer team, McGuirk is a smart-mouthed oaf who couldn't take his job any less seriously. Apathetic in nature and a belligerent drunk who's had a number of run-ins with the law, McGuirk is the bad-boy of Home Movies with very few friends - forcing himself to impose upon parties where he's not welcome. Even though he can't score a date (or a friend for that matter) he still finds a way to be helpful and beneficial to the kids in their films and adventures.

9. Wolverine (X-Men: The Animated Series)

Wolverine by himself makes up for a good 90% of the cool factor for the X-Men, and he knows it. He's the main reason I watched X-Men growing up as a kid and was my favorite X-Man. (it's kind of been tied between him and Gambit, actually) Loaded with an adamantium skeleton and claws, a bad-ass attitude that could only be compared to the toughness of a wolverine and a dark past that only the best of the best could soldier through - Wolverine is easily one of the most complex and inspiring heroes of all time.

10. Zorak (Space Ghost / Space Ghost: Coast To Coast)

Another one of my favorite villians, Zorak is slept on by most. Not only is Zorak a hilarious co-host to the dimwitted Space Ghost and the most rigid of the Cartoon Planet gang, he is a dutiful father and a clever foe. He has an AWESOME evil laugh too, BTW.

11. Daria (Daria / Beavis & Butthead)

Making her first appearance in B&B, Daria is that girl that everybody knows (or is) who just doesn't care about you, what you have to say, or much of anything for that matter. Smart and considered to most as a "nerd", Daria prides herself in her knowledge as well as her ability to cut down her peers with her witty remarks. Her family is dysfunctional, causing her to seek refuge with her equally nonchalant friend Jane - who is the sister of her crush, Trent. I love Daria and I'm glad that it was her character MTV chose to spin-off into a series with. (AND I'm glad they've finally released all of the seasons on DVD!)

12. Iago (Aladdin)

This dude. Funniest parrot character EVER. Many parrots have tried and failed, but Iago owns the crown for best animated parrot. Voiced by Gilbert Gottfried, (who is for some reason HILARIOUS to me) this lil' dude had me laughing for hours on end. I used to run back Aladdin all the time and when the series came out, it was so dope that Gilbert Gottfried kept doing his voice! Iago could be a bit of a sneak and could be grimey when the situation involved jewels or gold - but he had a good heart at the end and always remained loyal to his friends.

13. Moe Szyslak (The Simpsons)

If anybody's got it bad, it's Moe. (i was gonna put Gil Gunderson instead, but Moe is more amusing of a character) Moe is unattractive, crude and about two steps away from a suicidal meltdown, but his established position as the guy who who doesn't take any crap keeps him alive and stable. From his short-tempered cheapskate manners to his hilarious phone hi-jinks with Bart, Moe makes up a decent percentage of the comic relief The Simpsons has to offer.

14. Bender (Futurama)

Bender is a ~~man~~ robot with very little morals and even less respect. He will leave you stranded on a planet of murderous robots and as soon as you are confronted, will turn on you. Why? Because he is a ROBOT with no obligation towards your feelings! Besides being outright rude and abrasive, Bender is hilariously smart and saves the ass of his fellow colleagues when he occasionally feels up to it.

15. Piccolo (DragonBall Z)

I had a hard time picking Goku over Piccolo, only because Piccolo was the first character from DBZ I really liked. Cooler than the other side of the pillow, Piccolo was actually a villain who reformed over time to become one of the good guys. (same with Vegeta - which was why I liked DBZ) Piccolo had originally been training to defeat Goku and winded up joining forces with him and his friends to protect the earth from the Saiyans. After Goku's death, (the first one) Piccolo became a mentor to Goku's son Gohan, helping to toughen him up and raise him in a true warrior's fashion. After fusing with Kame, Piccolo calmed in nature and took position as the owner of Kame's Tower - eventually leaving the fighting to the younger DBZ warriors.

16. Toxie (The Toxic Crusaders)

I don't remember too much about The Toxic Crusaders, but I do remember Toxie and how cool he was. Toxie was the coolest mutant on the block - actually cleaning up the bad guys and doing it with style. Early 90's cartoons were big on pollution control, and this was another great example at artists lending their hands to a good cause. I would later meet a friend of mine who worked for Troma (the people who produced the Toxie movies) and I got to meet Toxie when I was a teenager! Thanks, Guillermo!

17. Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)

If there was such a thing as a good bully, Nelson is the best bully there could be. Equipped with a hilarious catchphrase (it's hard not to be a Simpsons character and NOT have a catchphrase) Nelson is the result of your typical American broken home, but he doesn't let that get him down. Nelson is an astute learner, a wonderful singer and actually has a heart of gold when captivated by pure emotion. Count on Nelson to get you out of a jam if he likes you, or to get you in one if he doesn't.

18. Spike (Cowboy Bebop)

Being a "bad-ass" takes a lot of work, but the main thing about being a bad-ass is making all that work look EFFORTLESS. Spike is a PERFECT example of this kind of character, in which he operates carefree and effortlessly. If his laid back semi-drunken fighting style isn't enough to catch you off guard, he's nonchalant approach towards life and the safety of those around him certainly will. Spike makes it look cool to be a bad-ass, succeeding in an area where most heroes fail.

19. Dexter (Dexter's Laboratory)

Dexter, Boy GENIUS! C'mon, dude...you ALWAYS wanted your own lab. You wanted to build all of the cool things Dexter built, and in secrecy you envied his knack for inventing cool things. While Dexter may appear small in stature and tends to look the part of your average "nerd", Dexter is the coolest of the cool. With a suave attitude as well as a solution for almost every situation, Dexter always comes out of any conflict the victor.

20. Buttercup (The Powerpuff Girls)

I'm kind of mad at myself for putting cute little Buttercup so low on the list, but she is the ONLY Powerpuff Girl who made it on this list - so, oh well. Buttercup is the most level-headed and tough superhero you would want to have on your team...and she's a GIRL who KICKS ASS!!

21. Aisha Clanclan (Outlaw Star)

If I could have an anime crush (and I can - don't judge me, I know some of you have them!), it would be Aisha Clanclan. Cute as a kitty (LOL - she's from a race of CATS), strong as an OX and courageous with a Double D rack to boot (the kind that would make that chick from Slayers blush), Aisha stole my heart and made Outlaw Star worth watching for me.

22. Beavis & Butthead (Beavis & Butthead)

Aahhh...Beavis & Butthead. Many a night has been spent watching back-to-back episodes of B&B - back in the days when MTV actually offered quality television programming (and videos). B&B was the brainchild of a simple animator who struck gold with the misadventures of two misguided adolescents. Coupled with hilarious music video commentary, B&B quickly became a hit amongst American teens - so much so, it was banned. B&B was brought back, but forced to air at a later time on the network because of the result of a few teens in reality trying to mimic what they saw on the show. Butthead is my fave, BTW.

23. T-Bone (SWAT Kats)

When I used to watch SWAT Kats, I would always wait until T-Bone showed up to start getting amped. The other dude was cool, but he didn't have the "bad-assery" that T-Bone had. Great show (DOPE animation for it's time) that should have had a longer shelf life than it did.

24. The Red Guy (Cow & Chicken)

This guy is bad and he knows it. Out of all of the "villans" or "bad guys" in cartoon history, nobody else can make being bad look so good. A "jack of all trades", this devilish fella dons various styles and names (usually referring to his butt or lack of pants - ie: Lance Sackless, Ivan Panced) and lives to scam people and make life miserable for others. With his flamboyant, yet aggressive behavior - The Red Guy makes for a lot of laughs and can even be compassionate when the situation permits.

25. Leon Kompowsky (The Simpsons)

Not a lot of people mention this character, but this was quite possibly one of the most classic characters in the history of The Simpsons. Voiced by Michael Jackson (credited as John Jay Jones) - Michael did all of the speaking parts for this character - a mental patient who links up with Homer after he lands in the looney bin. After leaving the hospital and staying with The Simpsons, Leon teams up with Bart to write a beautiful song for Lisa as the perfect birthday present.

Hope you liked my list and I encourage you to make your own!

-H

Escaping Hell

2010-11-23T11:45:00.000-08:00

The first time I saw demons, I was about 9 years old. My friend Ian McLeod had invited me over to his house which was a den of everything fun, out of my age range and tempting. We had bought baby mice to feed to his pet snake, ate pizza and watched the movie Friday. I was in HEAVEN. Ian wanted to show me this computer game and I wanted to keep watching Friday, but we were pressed for time. When your a kid on a "playdate" you want to do as much as you possibly can with the 3-4 hrs you are spending with your friend. You have the whole week in school to use your imagination and play with toys - now was the time to go BIG.

Ian booted up his mom's computer and started up Doom 2. The graphics were advanced for me at the time (the only games i had at the time were 8-16 bit console games) and I watched him blow through some of the beginning levels, entering cheats and blowing the monsters away without a scratch. Then it was my turn. I sprinted ahead and killed my first Zombieman with a shotgun blast. I felt ALIVE. I ran through the level, shooting and killing monster after monster - becoming more fulfilled with myself with each kill. I knew nothing of "First-Person Shooters" but I knew as long as the game played like Doom 2 did, I would like it.

I left Ian's house with an obsession to play Doom, not knowing at first that it was a game that I shouldn't have been allowed to play. When I got home I couldn't stop talking about it - and my mom wasn't liking what she was hearing...especially the fact that I wanted to play the game. My obsession to play the game only grew and soon enough, my mom called Ian's mom and requested that I not be allowed to play Doom when I would visit Ian. We ALWAYS broke that rule and I just vowed to keep quiet about it. Ian's mom didn't see the harm in us blowing away these 2d pixel based creatures, but my mom was scared I was becoming a kid more violent in nature.

When we moved to Texas, my best friend Daniel had Doom on his computer as well. His dad would play it all of the time and would let us play when we came home from school. It even got to the point to where my dad actually had a copy in our house, and during the summer when he would sneak to work - I would install a copy of Doom 2 on the computer, play it and then DELETE it before he came home. It wasn't until I moved back to NYC in my teenage years that I was able to score a copy of the game for myself.

The reality of the game hadn't settled in yet until I heard about the Columbine shootings and how the shooters had used Doom as an influence behind their murderous motives. I was puzzled to why this game was coming under fire behind the shootings and soon learned that they had built actual MAPS (Doom levels) that mimicked the school. Placing myself in that world and also being influenced by a lot of gothic, dark and sometimes satanic atmospheric disturbances - I delved into the world of Doom and had been stuck there for years.

Doom had become a reality to me - I turned off the cheat codes and tried my hand at the first level, met with failure because I had set the difficulty too high. The demons and zombies of that world were spilling into my own becoming that much more difficult to destroy. Images of pentagrams and demons filled my head as well as the pages of my junior high school notebook. I felt like the lone warrior faced to fight these hellions around me and became swallowed in this world...a world I wouldn't escape until years later.

I've always had a theory that Hell would be just like Doom. Having to fight my way out of hordes of Imps without dying and taking on unbelievable odds only to have to start all over again on the next level. Well, guess what Hell? I just beat you. It took me damn near 10-12 years to do it, but I finally did it. I completed Doom and Doom 2 this year - and it makes me feel like I accomplished something. Like I could actually fight my way out of hell if forced to. It's bittersweet in a way because now it's over, but I feel like any soldier who's won a war they've been fighting forever...accomplished.

Kudos to Doom 2 for being one of the best (and most difficult) games I've EVER played in my entire life.

The Origin of Lovechild Zelda

2010-11-18T02:48:00.000-08:00

It's about 5:51am now and I just woke up to type this.
First off, I'd like to apologize for being such a neglectful parent to this blog. I feel like I have to blow the dust off of this blog every time I make a new post, but when I do it's usually something crucial to the development of the character known as Halo.

This time, I would like to elaborate my "sudden change" on my moniker as well as who I am musically, artistically and spiritually.

Lovechild Zelda was born through my own personal struggle with identity and how I fit within this world that I populate. As the years have gone by, I've gone from asking myself "How will my music flourish in a world that is so blind?" to "How will I survive in an industry that is being taken over by soulless monsters?" and the sobering truth is, my music wasn't meant for this age. Being "ahead of my time" is an understatement in the fullest respect. I now realize that the goals I wished to achieve as DjH2 can be better understood through the guise of Lovechild Zelda.

In an "last-ditch" effort to preserve my position within the world of instrumental art, I've decided to shelve "AerosolHeart" (a DjH2 project) in order for me to fully focus on releasing the all original, all organic material that is Lovechild Zelda. DjH2 has actually returned to doing what he does best - DJing. I am proud to say that I am now a resident DJ at 999 (or NoCo Bar) spinning every Friday and Saturday. My weekly income isn't substantial enough for me to branch out on my own yet, but I'm saving as much as I can for the much anticipated arrival of my daughter. (LOL - yeah that's right...I have a baby girl on the way due to arrive in March 2011. The last post I made here was in May, so I had to catch yall up.)

999 is a great atmosphere and a wonderful place to work, even more-so when the charismatic Mel is bar-tending. The area itself is full of questionable weirdos, but the regulars have great hearts and personalities and it makes DJing there that much more enjoyable. I honestly couldn't ask for a better job. The management is cool and the vibe is always chill because of the diversity of the crowd there...we get a few rumbles here and there, but what could you expect from a place called 999...I play a lot of hip-hop / Top 40 material for the younger crowds and parties, some Salsa for the Latin folk and some Old-School 80's and 90's for the older heads...it's usually around 3:30 in the morning when I start getting experimental and playing whatever feels right. I'm damn proud of myself for making the effort every week to push my cart with my computer and monitor in it (working on getting a laptop before the year is out - *crosses fingers for Dell XPS M1730 Intel Core Duo Laptop*) so that I can get paid doing what I love. Making others happy through the power of music.

As far as my music is concerned, I don't really drop any of it at 999. Maybe later into the night when things start mellowing out. Lovechild Zelda would be too much for anyone in that crowd to handle, so I'll leave that to the people who seek that sound. Even as I listen to some of the songs from the LP, I wonder to myself who will truly understand the energy and meaning behind this project. People expecting to hear a classic H2 sample chopped over some syncopated drums will be disappointed. This is a venture into sounds that put the heart at ease and makes the soul jump out of your body. I really am excited about this project because it has such value to me. I can feel the joy, excitement and love I have for my daughter all throughout this music. Lovechild Zelda is the perfect aural embodiment of the person I've blossomed into over the past few months.

Spiritually, I would like to say that I am currently "omni-religious". This is to say I find faith in the ideals, tales and beliefs of various religions. After learning the tale of Heru (aka Horus) as well as viewing the theological essay entitled "Zeitgeist", my views on religion as well as our whole establishment as a nation has been flipped upside down. I believe in the energy of the sun as most of our universe revolves around this every entity, however - I also believe that a being of great power created the sun and it is that very being that we call God. We are all god's of our own destiny and will, however a force greater than we can possibly comprehend moves us and aligns us with certain people, experiences and lessons so that we may grow in the manner that God sees fit for us.

Well, I'll explain more in the future. For now...be on the lookout for Lovechild Zelda...a sound that may change the way you look at music as well as everything in general.

Stay tuned...

'The End' of LOST (Afterlife Thoughts)

2010-05-25T10:15:00.000-07:00

Watched the series finale of LOST on Sunday and was amazed.

Not so much at the finale as a whole (or the series), but at the ending.
Best way to end a series - EVER.

It just made so much sense...and it makes you look at the other side (the afterlife) in a whole different way. Sure, skeptics will hop on the "ohh, they went all Christian and played the died and went to heaven card" boat, but they showed a stained-glass window containing all of these religious symbols, as to say the place they were now had no religion - no class - none of those earthly constraints, conflicts and contradictions matter when it's all over.

The idea that the people in your life will always remain with you even after you are gone was amazing...that was even further extended into something greater by explaining that there was no "then" or "now" in the afterlife. This time-line that we all follow was now irrelevant because we all will die and be united infinitely - no matter what time our death takes place .

People that hadn't even died yet were still able to be there for you because you've always been a part of their lives. They are a part of you just as equally as you are a part of them. People who you loved, fought with, cried and laughed with, and just overall have experienced life with - would be there for you, because they wouldn't be who they are if it wasn't for their experiences with you. To know that a television show could touch upon that and bring that vision into reality was amazing (and therapeutic) to watch.

Of course, the LOST yuppies and fan freaks are all 'up in arms' about it - but I could care less. Why? Probably because I didn't care about the show in the 1st place, but I got the message it had presented at the end. The phrase 'The End' in itself is an open-ended mystery, because who has the power to say when something is truly over? I've been seeing this phrase more and more during these darker times, almost as an early warning to some impending apocalypse or judgment...but I'm not going to get all pessimistic on yall, tho.

Let's just say - this was a nice way to get a glimpse into ourselves and the "real big picture" without getting too Disney on us. They pulled our heartstrings just the way ABC would and did it in a far-less gay fashion then Grey's Anatomy (ugh - cue sappy song montage).

Great job, LOST. Now i just need to watch all the other episodes when I get a week to myself.

-H

MUTE.

2010-05-19T07:59:00.000-07:00

It's been cold and rainy for the last few days, and I'm sick.
GREAT.
Funny, but I've always made my best beats while being deathly sick and snotty.
Also funny, is how this is the prime opportunity for everybody in the world to show up at my house, ready to work on a project or some beats.

UGH.

Let me get something straight with you folks. I am almost 25 and I still live in the projects with my grandmother. We share a TV (which is in my room) and I don't complain about it because I don't pay rent (or any other bills, for that matter). For more than 4-5 years, my grandmother has been okay with me hopping from job to job (and sometimes not having a job for close to a year) and that's because I help out a lot, I'm dedicated to my music (which she takes seriously when she sees something flourish from it - ie: the Pepsi:Refresh commercial) and I keep things neutral around here. That gravy train is on it's last stop tho, so within the next year - I'm going to have to find a way to support myself - out on my own.

Sooooo, when I have people showing up randomly at my house (that goes for you too, Kesed) - it disturbs the tranquility of my home, resulting in my grandmother being upset, or me being knocked out of my comfort zone. It sucks to be resting in your bed, (in what seemed like a reasonable time to be asleep - 6:50am) in your boxers with your junk rattlin' around, only to be awaken by (not a hot-chick or Publisher's Clearing House saying I won $1,000,000) but the most random of characters. Nah, son. Give me at LEAST 9am to be coherent enough to understand and appreciate your presence. I respect your privacy, I would only hope you do the same.

Charles Hamilton is hitting me up on Facebook saying he's blocks away and I'm ignoring him. Ignorance is bliss. I've pretty much got the world (except for a few people in my close knit of friends) on MUTE. I'm trying to prevent myself from going Super Saiyan 2. Super Saiyan 2 H2 = Complete ASSHOLE, and I don't want to burn any bridges - even though I can't stop playing with the lighter. So, yeah - I've been on my "duck and dodge" shit. Look to the stars to find a Halo. Space is the place and that's where you'll find me.

For all you "starchasers" reading and following my blog in hopes for me to say something about Charles Hamilton - you know what? Fuck it. This is the last time I'll have anything to say on the dude, unless we work together in the future. What can I say that you don't already know? I don't enjoy "airing-out" people I know personally, but I'm getting tired of holding myself back - and that's in all areas of life. Guess I'm finally growing up a bit.

I was watching Illdoctrine's vid "Operation Ignore Charles Hamilton" and I forgot how hilarious yet, insanely on point it was. It's all true (everything from the ridiculous J Dilla claims as well as the thievery of beats on behalf of Black Spade - i remember how crushed I was to hear that "Boy Who Cried Wolf" -my fave CH song - wasn't produced by him, but at least he told me that) and I was well in contact with CH while it all was going down.

I was theoretically in the Demevolist "circle" (lol @ their rumors of me being gay...LOL, sooooo not true - but maybe you should look a bit closer within your group and it's founders), but I never put myself down with that because I'm my own artist. I've always been about that, which is why I only put about 25% of my efforts in producing for other artists. I don't wanna ride the curt-tails of anyone's success; I want to rest in the comfort of knowing I earned everything I have, so this way I'm not subjected to uncomfortably sleeping on the floor of anyone's studio.

Now, don't get it twisted - I'm not ungrateful. Far from it. I'm thankful for all of the positivity that came from being affiliated with Charles Hamilton. CH's blog as well as Dope2Go gave my name a bit of a push - right before the Demev ship took a nose-dive - so I was glad to have been a part of that. We had plenty of chill times in that spooky house in Westchester, (i was convinced that place made me feel like my aura was being drained, until I learned that certain people around you can do that) we smoked maaaaad bud, drank booze and ate pizza until our hearts content. We ran up CH's credit-card something crazy between the cab rides back and forth to the city, but I definitely was no HchO (LOL). We even got into a little bit of beat making up there (the jumping point for Dope2Go) and that was cool. However, one particular incident stood out for me and made me change the way I viewed Charles as a person - forever.

***

We had to go to the store to pick up a few things, so we left the house - just me and CH, leaving the ladies (he was with Briana at the time) in the house. Mind you, walking to a store in Westchester is like walking to a gas station in Texas, so we had plenty of time to rap about some shit...yet, somehow we both were silent. You know, that uncomfortable silence. In an attempt to break the silence, I said to Charles: "So, what's really going on in the world of Charles Hamilton?"

In which he replies, "Nothing really...I just think it's funny how people have to find something to talk about when no one's talking."

Oh, word? Here I am trying to make an honest attempt in figuring out the state of mind this dude's in (because that's an anomaly in itself - yet somehow I cared enough to want to know) as well as attempting to establish a link with him (because we never really understood each other completely, there was always weirdness there - and it still is at times) and this dude is on his pedestal shit. Okay, cool. You don't have to tell me twice in order for me to get the hint. From then on, I had made a silent vow to myself to always keep Charles at an arm's length.

I knew from then on that I had to do me. Sad, because here I am thinking we're friends - only to find out we're "friendly-associates". I knew dude was a bit conceited, but I chose to ignore that about him. I thought that was part of his "rap-persona", not who he was for real. Maybe that's why I have a bit of a "chip on my shoulder" when it comes to everything he's involved in.

***

I still find myself curious to know of his endeavors (as any fan of an artist they admire would), but not to the point in which I'm willing to sacrifice my own comfort and image behind it. Even throughout all of his career fiasco's, I always tried to put in a good word on his behalf, as well as extend my advice to him - because that's what I do with everyone. My name is Halo for that very reason: (check the definition - mainly Section B)

¹ha·lo

Pronunciation: \ˈhā-(ˌ)lō\

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural halos or haloes

Etymology: Latin halos, from Greek halōs threshing floor, disk, halo

Date: 1603

A : a circle of light appearing to surround the sun or moon and resulting from refraction or reflection of light by ice particles in the atmosphere.

B : the aura of glory, veneration, or sentiment surrounding an idealized person or thing; an indication of radiant light drawn around the head of a saint.

I've always prided myself in my ability to help others, and I will continue to do so. Whether it's through music, money, advice or whatever - as long as you are genuine in your approach, I'll be willing to help you. I can no longer try and advise Charles, because he is beyond advisement.

Every time I would try and say something meaningful to this kid, it would be like talking to a child - in one ear and out the other. He tunes you out when he feels like you're attacking his character or his beliefs (even more-so when you're right about it), almost as if you were scolding him - when in actuality, you're just trying to help him. It requires a certain level of humility to be able to absorb and accept advisement - a level I don't think he'll ever reach. He's one of those rare individuals who will convince themselves something is the truth (even though it's been proven time and time again to be false) to the point where he believes his opinion is fact and will remain solid and immobile within his opinion.

Charles Hamilton has made a name for himself by being forthright and honest, however that has bit him in the ass on plenty occasions. That's why Briana snuffed him. Only someone close to him can knock some sense into him by humiliating him and putting him in his place, so I commend Briana for "the punch heard round the world". They both were going through some personal shit at the time - so just because a camera is in your face, that doesn't mean something personal becomes the public's business because you are a public figure. Briana was right in what she did, and I called her the minute after I saw the video and told her so. (LOL - I remember laughing with Briana and hearing Charles in the background saying, "Aww - you fucked up for that one, H...") What do you want me to do? It was funny. I'm just glad he didn't hit her back. That woulda ended him right then and there.

Now, this is where things started getting shaky.

I don't know if it was just him really believing himself again or just sheer insanity, but he does the unthinkable and lists J Dilla as his Executive Producer in the album credits for "This Perfect Life". Nope. Wrong move. I can understand if he was being "over-zealous " or trying to honor the spirit of Dilla within his music, but there are plenty of other ways he could have paid homage to Dilla that are feasible (and are a lot less legally conflicting - damn, am I repeating myself?). As quickly as he made his entrance to the industry, he was just as quickly beginning to sink. He never told me himself that Interscope had planned to drop him as an artist, but I knew. The minute I found out "This Perfect Life" was going to be a free download, I knew.

The fans and the haters alike were beginning to connect the dots of his pathological lies and were given an ultimatum: Either rock with Charles during his decent into obscurity, in hopes for an eventual ascension - or just jump off the boat completely. I chose the former over the latter, but I see myself now leaning in the other direction .

Hence, where we are now. Fast-Forward past all of the drama - past him getting jawwed by Briana, past the Dilla fiasco. Now, we're faced with a Charles Hamilton that is picking up the pieces of a broken career and he's having very little help.
I know I can't help him.
I can't even smoke weed with this dude anymore and enjoy myself, because when he gets high he goes on tangents that rival the patterns of a Spirograph. One of his best-friends/associates in the Demev circle, Sha-liek, hit me up on Facebook and spoke about that very issue.

"Yo, Halo - do not smoke with this dude Charles. He gets crazy when he's high - mad spacey and out of it..."

I'm not going to go into further detail about what Sha-leik said within the rest of the conversation, but it did open my eyes to a lot of shit that Charles does. Even my homie Sciryl (the dude who introduced us to each other) advised me not to smoke with this dude. Why should I? I'm only hindering his growth by perpetuating his downfall. He's not only made me feel uncomfortable on more than a few occasions, but he's made other people around me that don't even know him view me in a different way. I was excited to tell people I was working with Charles in the beginning. They'd be like, "Werd? You know Charles Hamilton? That's DOPE!" and now it's more like, "Charles Hamilton? Isn't that the kid who got dropped before his album came out? What's he doing with himself?"

It's bad enough I've had to borderline kick him out of my house because of him passing out on my bed.
It's bad when I see him dip to the bathroom a good 3-4 times in a 2-3hr span of time, not knowing what the hell he's doing in there.
It's bad when you wear out your welcome and don't know when to leave.
It's just overall bad, and I'm doing too good right now to be affected by all of this negativity around me.

So, for now...MUTE.

-H

F*cking Rihanna by HeroHalo (H2)

2010-05-18T14:29:00.001-07:00

This is what it would sound like if I f*cked Rihanna. :)

F*cking Rihanna by HeroHalo (H2)

What Really Grinds My Gears.

2010-05-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

You know what really grinds my gears, America? ;)

How we kill people to show people that killing people is wrong. Yeah, i know it's not unique - but it still grinds my gears.

Anyone who has more than 3 baby mamas/daddies. Apparently, having the first two kids out of wedlock wasn't enough of a reality check.

Drunk people that are so drunk that they don't know they're drunk, so they accuse you of being drunk. WTF?

These f*cking commercials that like to re-do popular songs like it's cool. I just heard the "slightly-less ethnic" version of The Black Eyed Pea's "I Gotta Feeling" for a Sandals resort commercial and threw up a little.

Kidz-Bop. That is all.

When you walk in a store and you're honestly "just browsing" and a nervous and overly-cautious employee asks you "Excuse me, do you need any help?" Yes, asshole. I need help browsing. What is it - the hoody or the black skin that scares you? Cuz you know, I'm definitely plotting to steal that box of Tide.

DJ's that play a GOOD song for the first minute and a half and then cut right to a BAD one. I've seen bad DJ's make a dance floor clear out faster than a crime scene.

When I'm running late somewhere and I've made it on the train on-time - only for it to be making local stops, stopping at red signals and/or out-of-service due to police investigation or a sick passenger. FML.

People who call me once - I don't pick up - then they call back from a blocked/private number. If I knew it was you when you 1st called, what makes you think I'm going to not know it's you 20 seconds later? *idiot*

People who hint around at something expecting you to get what they're hinting at - and when you don't, they get mad about it. WTF? Stop being a little b*tch and say what you want!!

Panhandlers who try and front like they want money for food when it's CLEARLY for drugs. "Anything will do...money, food, clothes..." Bullsh*t. You know you didn't want that sandwich I gave you half as bad as you want that crack. I know Oscar Mayer didn't make your lips that black.

Those "bathroom butlers" who expect you to tip them for turning on a faucet and handing you a tissue. I'm not giving you a dollar for some shit I learned how to do when I was 5.

People who think "reality" shows are actually reality.
"I feel bad for Ray J! He's really looking for love!"
B*tch, he aint lookin' for love! That nigga's lookin' for RATINGS!

People who get mad at me in real-life for not responding to them on a social network (ie: Facebook, Myspace, Twitter...) Since when did we get so sensitive?

Stop and Frisks. Dead ass. Shit is not cool.

That person who is conveniently always around when you light up, but never lights up. You know who you are - stop your bullsh*t.

People who know they're soooo wrong about something, yet they convince themselves that they're right. Your opinion does not outweigh fact. Fact is, you're an ignoramus.

These ol' heads trying to abolish the word nigger. Nigger, please.

When you ditch the whole "lemmie holla at chu, ma" approach and compliment a lady passing by on the street...and she still acts like a stuck-up b*tch. F*ckouttahere...

People who have OD loud-ass ring notifications for receiving texts . If I hear "I Get Crazy" one more time, I'm gonna go crazy.

Having only a dollar for the dutch, and the man at the deli won't let you slide on the quarter. C'mon, Ack...you dead ass gonna dead me on the dutch, tho? Wow...

When you're walking behind a girl with her butt-crack showing and all of a sudden she's pulls down the back of her shirt...F*ckouttahere...(same thing goes with a skirt...that shit gets me soooooo annoyed!)

What really grinds YOUR gears? ;)

-H

Flying Lotus - Cosmogramma [REVIEW]

2010-05-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

I'm a Flying Lotus fan and I'm real picky about my shit when it comes to him. This being because I see him not only as an artist that shares my train of thought (or at least I'd like to think so) but as competition. He's always been a step ahead of me as far as his musical craftsmanship, so I've always been in admiration of his work.

That being said, when I heard that he was coming out his "2nd" (3rd actually, it's his 2nd on Warp Records) LP "Cosmogramma", I was already stoked. I had already bootlegged "First Friday Funk" (amongst a host of other tunes - kinda miffed that one didn't make the cut for the LP) and bought "Los Angeles" from iTunes, so I was ready for whatever else FlyLo had to throw at me. I actually had grown a little spoiled as a fan and began to fulfill my needs elsewhere within the Brainfeeder camp. I loaded up on Samiyam, Ras G as well as Hudson Mohawke and kind of forgot about FlyLo, until "Cosmogramma" leaked online. I (of course) got duped into that, only to find that wasn't FlyLo's stuff at all - in which I then sighed with relief, because I wasn't impressed much by any of the stuff on there.

I convinced myself that wasn't the final product and made a vow to myself to just cop the retail copy when it dropped. I figured - "Los Angeles" was great, he doesn't disappoint. He deserves the money. It'll be dope.

Needless to say, I wasn't prepared for this.

"Cosmogramma" is a musical opus of what happens when the electronic mind of Aphex Twin, links with the hip-hop soul of J Dilla, flirts with Portishead and has a baby with Radiohead. It is an AMAZING soundtrack for all free-thinkers and emotional activists who long for an escape from the norm. From the intro, right into (arguably my fave track on the CD) "Pickled!" - the energy of an splatter-painter flows freely from track-to-track, allow you a few moments like "MmmHmm (ft. Thundercat)" to catch your breath and actually normalize your ears. Spacey joints like "Satelllliiiiiteee" litter the album and cause the listener to expand it's notion of what music should (and will) sound like in a distant future. Even "...And The World Laughs With You (ft. Thom Yorke)" is a nice nod to those alternalectronica heads. (even though I don't think Thom put much effort into it - he kinda just mumbled on the track)

Overall, the album is as experimental as you could want. With a year like 2010 being filled with alot of re-hashed, over-produced BS filler - it's refreshing to be able to take a break from all of that and dive into a world of unknown sound and merciless exploration. FlyLo has always delivered and continues to do so, setting the bar even higher for those wishing to capitalize on this new movement he's helped to create.

Flying Lotus - Cosmogramma (5 out of 5)
www.flyinglotus.com

-H

My "State of Hip-Hop" Address - Part II

2010-05-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

...and the address continues...

50 Cent - Aaaah, the puppeteer. I think you've efficiently screwed everyone over to the point that NO ONE wants to fuck with you. I don't know how you got Beans on your side (oh wait, yeah I do - that manipulative device called MONEY) but as you can see - the results you were looking for weren't achieved. Jay is way too far gone to give a fuck about your "jabs". Stop pouting about not being a member of the "billionaires" club, you wouldn't look right on Oprah's couch. Your last album TANKED, your latest mix-tapes are "sub-par" at best. Face it - America is done with 50 cent. You tried to keep up with the times, but never quite got back up after that 1-2 punch from Kayne outselling you. Guess he was a bit more arrogant than you were, and you weren't ready. Luckily for you, the same kind of fans that want Nas back on his "Illmatic" shit, are in your corner - hoping one day you'll leave the flashy and flossy lifestyle, and get back on that "Get Rich Or Die Trying" shit. The problem is, that hunger to get out there does not EXIST any longer. The fuck does this nigga have to be hungry for? He's gonna eat for everyday of his life! My advice is this: Cater to your REAL audience, those hungry street niggas who still think hustlin' is cool. Leave the Beamer, Benz & Bentley shit to Banks.

The Game - Game, beef rap is over and you know it. 50 aint worth it. Jay aint worth it. And you worth less than both of 'em. Better get on the "classy-gangsta" boat with Snoop. Flip some Eric B & Rakim, or The Fat Boys and get PAID.

Kanye West - This nigga Kanye is in the same underground bunker they found Hitler in. Goin' in. Waiting for his day to surface and take the game back over...and if he DOESN'T use Auto-Tune, (the 2nd person I've given this advice to) he will. It's been enough time. Honestly, we forgot about Taylor Swift about as quick as we forgot about Haiti. I would say something about that girl of yours, but she's kinda bangin'. Kinda like a Bald-Headed Eagle with a fatty.

CamRon/Dipset - The battle is over. Cam, you won. Jimmy, you tried. Afraid niggas wasn't "Ballin" wit you for long. 50 played you (like he does everyone he wants to use - him and Jay have that "puppeteer" thing in common) and you were left Praying IV Reign. *ahem* (please excuse that bad pun) Jimmy, you were one of the few that actually hopped on the Auto-Tune bus and didn't use it. Ron Browz & Webstar found you in the ocean of Koch (oops, I mean E1) and threw you that lifesaver. Now the Auto-Tune bus is pulling out of the station and it seems like the sea of flopped artists is growing deeper...will you survive the tide? LOL...

Cam, good hustle. You didn't miss a beat - even though you didn't really get much better, either. At least you didn't get worse. I know you had dues to pay, under-produced indie flicks to film and bitches to fuck - but at least you squeezed some decent rhymes in between all of that. I definitely support you and you efforts, Cam.

Juelz, I need you to keep doin' what you do - but just with less intoxication. You got caught up in the middle, but I'm glad you just chose to do you rather than pick sides. I only have one question in all of this, WTF happened to Skull Gang? Cuz, you know. They suck.

Bow-Wow - Not that you are much of a relevant force in this list, but you need to stop making music dude. It's over. Not only are you pissing me off with your attempts at trying to sell a record (I wouldn't even break up weed on New Jack City II) but your last few efforts belong in the bin right next to Yung Berg. You're not little any more, Omarion is IRRELEVANT - your last album TANKED and you ARE Lil' Mama. Maybe you'll get more shine if you interrupt an awards show performance...

Roscoe Dash - Nigga, you sound like a character from a 1990's Saturday morning cartoon on ABC. How did Spike Lee say it? "Coonery and Buffoonery"? Yeah. All the way turnt OFF.

Soulja Boy - See "Roscoe Dash". Actually, no. I've come a long way from hating you (much like I have with Gucci Mane) so honestly - if this is about having fun and getting money, okay. I get it. I'll admit, your approach bothered me at first - but after seeing the business end of things and how you handled your career, I have no choice but to commend you. I honestly didn't think your career would have any longevity after the success of "Crank Dat", but it seems you've set the standard for all sorts of niggerish dances and catchphrases. You've paved the way for iconic singles like "Your A Jerk", "My Dougie" and "O Let's Do It" (note the BLATANT sarcasm) and who could be mad at that? :|

Charles Hamilton - My nigga, please stop using drugs. Please. I cannot have you wandering into my home at 6:50 am any longer. You are a valuable asset to Rap and your flow is UNIQUE - please find you way (the right way) and get back where you should be. You never followed the format, why start now? You stopped making your beats and started rhyming on this industry-packaged shit, and that was the last straw for me. I've gone from looking forward in earnest to your latest projects and adventures to worrying the hell about you, to now just not giving a fuck. You took away the key to that wild mind of yours - your blog - from the public. Bad move. Now that it's gone (it was your life blood even when you were dying), it's become even more difficult for the ones who care to keep up with you. People now exploit you every chance they get (ie: the whole "LadyDoom" fiasco) hoping these wild antics will thrust you back into the mainstream. They will not. For now, I'm sleepin' on Charles Hamilton. Wake me up when the Charles I know is back.

My "State of Hip-Hop" Address

2010-05-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

As we all know, Hip-Hop is currently in a vegetated state. If Hip-Hop had a name right now, it would be Terri Schiavo. (too soon?) Anyway, all jokes aside - I figured I would personally address all of the "figures" in hip-hop at this moment to vent my ever-growing frustrations with the Hip-Hop culture, as well as the industry.

*ahem* Who first?

Eminem - You've never let me down, and you continue to keep me interested in your work. I'm not one of those fans who's like "Man, fuck 'Em - he'll never be the same" or some d*ck-ridin, bandwagon hopper like "Ohh man! It's so iLL to see Em on a song with Drizzy & Weezy!" Nope. Fuck all that. I respect this nigga for being a man and still doin' what he loves...because he does it WELL. His style is forever versatile, abrasive, unforgiving and direct. I read a news headline about how he recently received an award for the Artist of The Decade...well, Em...you DESERVE it. Much respect.

Lil' Wayne - Hope jail is treating you well. Leave Auto-Tune alone when you get out and I might like you again. Might. Nah. Probably not. I can't forgive you for creating Young Money.

Drake - You know what's funny about you? Your formula WORKS. My nigga, Jimmy Brooks. You figured out the game quick and moved your chess pieces in the right direction. I can't be mad. Now, I just need your lyrics to have more substance. When you are on your "who the f*ck are yall" and "baby, you the best" type of sh*t, I f*cks wit you. When you're "throwin hunneds" and "reppin for your town" (who the f*ck reps Toronto?) is when I jump ship. I won't give you the advice I gave Wayne, because those hooks you drop NEED Auto-Tune.

Gucci Mane - You just got OUTTA jail. Hope you can stay out. I've taken the sniper-rifle beam off of you and aimed it at Waka Flocka Flame. Be grateful. I ain't mad at you man, get your money. Just as long as you know you are an ENTERTAINER and not an Hip-Hop artist. Art actually requires CREATIVITY.

Nicki Minaj - OMG, where do I start? First of all, you don't really talk like that - so stop frontin'. Overall, stop frontin'. You are about as fake as the rhymes you write, and I'm well aware that fake is what sells - so keep on sellin' out. I had a shred of respect for you when I had first saw your B.I.G. freestyles on YouTube years ago, but I lost it the minute I heard "I Get Crazy". This isn't about the fact that you give chickenheads an excuse to be themselves, but it's more of an attack on your image. The fact that the public buys into the facade that is you, bothers me. It gets under my skin. Your annoying voice and horrible lyrics are easy to avoid, just turn it off. It's your face that I can't stand to see. I even caught myself feeling a shred of compassion towards you while reading your article in XXL, only to realize it was me being sympathetic over the fact that you'll never be able to be yourself. I can only hope that those album sales, quest appearances and royalty checks are enough to fill the hole in your soul.

Solar - You're a fucking goon. You know this. A dirty, soul-sucking, bitch-made goon who chose to profit off of your "friend"s demise. Fuck you, Solar. I love Gangstarr. I love Hip-Hop. Guru and Gangstarr are Hip-Hop. You are not. Stop trying to muscle your way in by not paying your dues and remixing Guru's LP's with your GARBAGE production. You disgust me. I would go into further detail of all the grimy and unorthodox shit you've done over the time you've known Guru until now, but I'm not even going to feed into that. You'll reap what you've sown...and like most real niggas, don't let me catch you in the streets on I'm mappin' you. Yeah. We still MAP bitch-ass niggas out here. R.I.P Guru.

Jay Electronica - PLEASE keep doing what you do. You're one of the few left who I can honestly say is actually paving the way for REAL hip-hop and change within this genre. You speak truth and have dealt with the hardships of humanity enough to know how to convey that pain into poetry, so I will continue to be fan of your work. PLEASE don't hop on the bandwagon with the rest of these faggots.

Fabolous - My homie says you're the best in the game right now...ehh, I beg to differ. My homie also likes Joe Budden, so I guess that's not really saying alot. Anyway, Fab - your wordplay has always been on point. I've enjoyed your flow since the "Holla Back" days and your swag has increased sevenfold over the years. Keep doing what you do, and don't associated with the lames *ahem* ya boy PLIES!! *ahem ahem*

Young Jeezy - You are my dude and I've held you down for a minute. Trap star, mixtape murderer, overall great artist. Don't follow Gucci. Let him do him. You still got this. Niggas BELIEVE in you and that's all that matters. You're the best thing to come out of ATL, since OutKast...LOL, oh yeah - and B.O.B.

Kid CuDi - WTF happened to you fam? You just like...vanished from Hip-Hop or something. Guess we couldn't top "Day N Nite", hmm? Get at me. We should talk. You know, when your done acting or whatever.

Nas - My nigga, you shoulda NEVER put your dick in Kelis. Now she RAPIN' you for that paper. Untitled didn't sell that much...where is this magical "child-support" coming from? LOL - You need to holla at Jay and do a couple tour runs with that nigga...but I know how that dude feels about people outshining him, so I doubt that'll happen. Best of luck with that project with Damien Marley. I still have faith in you.

Jay-Z - Okay, before I go in - fuck all that "Jay-Z Deception" shit. They like to confuse you too. I already know your a freemason and you sold your soul to the devil for riches. I know this. You do stupid shit like letting your b*tch walk around with a Baphomet ring and throw Illuminati symbols in your videos and clothing...how long did you think we'd be blind to this shit? I for one am not an idiot so don't assume I am, and in all actuality - I never really liked you anyway. I like a few of your joints, not gonna lie, but something always felt off about liking you. Now the more I hear you, the less i like you. It doesn't help that you've made that succubus Rihanna, your siren of the occult. I can hear the subliminal messages in the songs you make, but my ear was always keen to such nonsense. I will continue to educate others so that they too may hear the screams amongst the singing.

I'm not done. I'll post Part II when I have another free moment.

-H

When I Go Super Saiyan, My Hair Turns Purple.

2010-05-12T15:41:00.000-07:00

1nce again, I've been on my super-duper grind and I've abandoned this blog. I just remembered it was here because I tweeting on Twitter (yeah, yeah - i do that shit now) and looked to see that my web link directed back to this page.

Well, as usual - I'll try to recap the last few months of my life in a few measly paragraphs. The most major thing would be the rift in my relationship with my girl. I got into a "fight" (for lack of better words) with her moms, and that was that really. Her mom's is still not over it and won't mention my name ever again. Whatevs. I'm moving on with my life.

I produced a beat a for a Pepsi: Refresh commercial and also rhymed on the track with the Urban Word artists who were in the commercial as well. It ran for a nice while. It seems as if that gravy train has arrived at it's last stop though, so I'm onto the next hustle. Been trying to shop my music to people up here, but alot of my new sh*t goes right over their heads - so now my focus is to make it to LA, meet up with Flying Lotus and the Brainfeeder gang and let them hear my stuff, personally.

There are days when I walk the streets with a purple afro wig on. Why not. We live in 2010 and people still act like it's fucking 1985. Purple hair is not WEIRD, you just fear what you don't understand. I literally had to hold myself back from fucking up these homo-thugs on the block trying to call ME gay for walking in NYC with a purple wig on. I kept it moving tho, only because I can no longer afford to waste my energy trying to change the mindset of those that don't want to be changed. Either transcend this reality mentally and adapt like the chameleon or dick-ride with the times. Either way, judgment is no one's right. We are all ourselves and should accept who we are by setting unique standards of individualism, rather than attempting to duplicate the style of others.

BTW. Life is GREAT. Couldn't be better.
Sure, I could be in LA right now, in my own crib, touring the nation playing my music for everyone like I've always dreamed of...but I'm alive and happy, right?

To me, that's all that matters.

-H

Silent Nomad.

2009-10-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

I'm at a point in my life where my back is against the wall. I've spend so much time wandering, not knowing where I'm going or why im even walking in that direction. It's time for this to end.

I need to get back to focusing my energy towards other things, towards other sources of energy. My life force has been pulled in so many directions that I don't even know the name of the path I was once destined to walk down. Success? Happiness? Money? These are all things I had at one point that have, much like everything else in my life, slipped through my fingers. No longer. I will now take control of this destiny and not allow those close to me, far from me and right in front of my face to shape my destiny for me.

I've asked all of the others for advice not realizing that they too do not hold the answers - they are merely relating their own shadows of misfortune to mine. I do not wish to appear "depressed" for I am not - I just feel a great weight being lifted off of my shoulders. I feel as if the blinders are being pulled from my eyes and I no longer have to suffer from tunnel vision. If I wish to make something of myself in this society we live in, I will have to assume responsiblity for my own actions and stop allowing myself to be pampered and comfortable with my current setting.

I am TIRED of others looking to me as a model of perfect achievement, for I merely exist. I get by through the assistance of my family and I get high to elude the reality of things not being half of what they seem. There was a time where I could allow this recreational lifestyle to continue, however my time is now up. I am 24, living with my grandmother, unemployed and not enrolled in school. On the outside looking in, I have NOTHING going for me. However, I am no different from you - I just do not allow life's strains and constraints to keep me from shining and being as flourescent as I will always be. Things tend to roll off of me, but not this. This is becoming too regular...too often am I chastized for not being enough of a man - yet I'm looked upon as an angel. I put my faith in God and he has yet to let me down, so with him my faith shall remain. I only pray that he give me the strength to perservere so that I may prove all of my doubters wrong.

This future is MINE to command, and command it I shall.

No more talking now, only movement. Silence is GOLDEN.

Secret Crush: Leah Remini

2009-10-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah - I know she's married...but so am I. She's still frickin' HOT tho.

Catch Up, Katsup.

2009-07-20T01:44:00.000-07:00

Hey, you. It's been awhile. How YOU doin'? LOL - I admire Wendy Williams.

It's about 4:45am here @ Ree-Ree's and I'm awake watching Koyaanisqatsi (I love this movie, I should watch it waaaaay more) on YouTube this Monday morning.

Ahhh. Monday morning. I draw in a big whiff of the fresh air knowing that I will gladly be inserting my foot in someone's rectum if I am not paid tomorrow or given a plausable explanation as to why my last two checks were "direct deposited" without my acknowledgement or consent.

Oh yeah, BTW - I got a JOB if you didn't notice. Another goal scratched off of the "goals" list.

I now work at an alcohol warehouse called Empire Merchants based in Brooklyn. It's a bit of a trek and being that I'm a Night Loader, I work during the late night hours. There are days when I punch in at 6:30pm and don't leave until 9:30 the next morning. The work is REAL labor (lifting boxes, carrying wooden palletes, etc) but it's quite rewarding. The people I work with are real cool, manly folks who would rather encourage you to stick it out (pause) and finish your job out completely rather than throwing in the towel, but that doesn't mean that this job isn't competitive in nature.

The workers that are lazy and slow and that complain usually don't last long, and being that the company operates on an "as they need you" basis, you're not always guaranteed to work. You have a quota of cases to finish by the end of your shift and if your co-workers in your lane choose to leave early, you are then stuck doing the bulk of the work. However, this is one of the BEST jobs I've EVER been fortunate to have and it's helping my progression in a lot of areas in my life. It can be physically straining at times, but that physical strain has only helped me realize how much I've been physically stagnant over the years and how now is the perfect time in my life to start training my body to be healthier, stronger and overall better.

Thank you Kesed, for putting me on to such a DOPE opportunity, as well as opening my eyes about alot of life's lessons - mainly on accepting responsiblity and living your life working to achieve comfortablity within your own excellence. That dude Kesed is a WISE dude - kind of the diamond in the rough that just kinda floated right by me at first, but with a second glance I've realized how complex and intuitive he really is. Thank you for seeing the talent in me and not putting me in the "mindless money-hungry nigga" box.

*sigh* What else...what else...well, I'm 24 years old now, and while I have damn near another quarter of a century left before I'm "over the hill", I will say that the hill is in eye range. It's crazy but until now, I didn't really feel old. I ran away from responsiblity and maturity for so much of my adolescent and early-adult years that my fading youth kinda just snuck up on me. All the "DAMN! You gettin' OLD!" and "Ohh lawd! Josh isn't our little baby anymore..." remarks don't really help, either. I can't jump around obstacles and hop over ledges and fences like I used to and when I do something strenuous or physically out of my range, I feel it ALL-OVER. Even skating (which I'm back into heavily now that I've got myself a NEW SKATEBOARD - my first Element deck, baby - whoooooo!) It might be the job that's wearing on my body, but it's also buiding me up alot - lookin' all buff and stuff helps my confidence as well as my self-esteem.

Didn't do too much for the birthday this year, just had some fun out on the town with Ree and the boys (Frank and Z). My mom is up here visiting until August, so we've been hanging out alot together. I'm glad my mother sees me as the child she raised so well morally as well as the adult with the ability to live my life prosperously on my own. My grandmother will ALWAYS have this preconcieved notion that I am still her prepubescent grandson who she must shield from any harm, but I know this is only because she loves me so much. Love you too, gramma.

What else, what else...OH YEAHHH!! WE GOT A KITTY!! *jumps* Yes, yes, yes...after a good three weeks trying to secure the kitten with us (the owner didn't want to let her go - I don't blame him, the kitten is ADORABLE) the owner finally turned her over to us so we could welcome her into our home. She is an IRRESITABLE orange tabby named Blanket (in honor of MJ - I know I haven't talked about his passing yet, but I will) and she has taken to us and her new home VERY well. It will be almost a week since she's been here, but she already knows her way around the house, knows where her litter box is and uses it and is just overall a really smart and intuitive cat (wow - guess that's my word for the night...INTUITIVE...).

MJ. Michael Jackson. The King of Pop. Whatever you want to call him, Michael Jackson was an anomaly which we will never completely have the innocence and purity to understand. This is not to say that Michael was completely pure and angelic, no. Yet, it was his perfect balance and equalities and inequalites, perfections and imperfections that made him such an unmatchable force. When I heard the news of his passing, I thought a co-worker was playing a cruel joke. Before I had left the house that afternoon I was listening to the radio, and Wendy Williams was referring to someone (i couldn't hear the name) in cardiac arrest and possibly in a coma, and I just left the house saying to myself "Damn, these celebs are dropping FAST. I hope whoever it is they'll be okay..." and I left the house without even a thought that it could be Michael Jackson or that Michael had possibly been on his way out of this plane of existence.

After the idiot joker at my job (he says "I heard your cousin died and you cried." referring to MJ - SMH @ lame Italian humor) says this, again - I shake it off like, "Nah. This is just rumors. There's always some new bullshit out there. Maybe they got it confused with Farrah Fawcett." I was already sad that Farrah was gone, but (sad to say) it was only a matter of time with her. We knew she was in a battle with cancer, and that's a battle that most don't win. It was just holding on to a fleeting hope and a dream of a beautiful exit at that point. I'm sorry she and her guyfriend didn't get married like they had hoped to, but I guess it wasn't supposed to work that way.

I got to work that night and as the night went on, nothing but Michael was played on each station. It was then where it started to sink in for me. Michael is...dead...? Damn. This ain't real...that's all I kept telling myself...this ain't real, this ain't real...

My shift ended and Kesed and I walked to the L train, but stopped in a store on the way there to pick up the paper and get their coverage of the story. I still was skeptical inside, almost like I wanted it to be a bad dream and me not seeing him on the cover would be like me waking up from it. Then I read headline of the Daily News only to see the words "KING OF POP DEAD" in bold, white letters - placed upon a background of a glitter-gloved Michael reaching up towards the sky while singing his heart out. It was at that moment where I finally accepted that he was truly gone.

I spent the next few days immersed in the media coverage as well as sinking in the disbelief that he was dead. My mind had quickly gone to tribute mode, because that was a form of healing for me. While sleeping, I had come up with the idea of making an MJ stencil where I would paint his image all over town, specifically this blue wooden wall adjacent to The Apollo. I wanted to fill the whole wall with replicates of the stencil, but hadn't even come up with the design yet. I was up and at work early for some reason (I had gotten to work on the stencil as soon as I woke up), and had first had the idea of making a stencil with Michael's face as a child. However, the more I looked at it , the more the idea didn't stick with me. I scoured the net looking for MJ images and came across one with him in his "Smooth Criminal" get-up, caught in mid-lean as done in the infamous video for "Smooth Criminal". I studied it a few times, played with it in Photoshop until I got it monochrome and then stepped away from it. Yup. This is it. This is the one. I had said that out loud and my mom (who was sitting nearby watching the news) agreed. "Yeaaaah...now THAT'S the one, Josh..."

Focused and dead-set on making this happen, I called Ree and Z to ask for their assistance in the project. I printed the image at Ree's house, cut the first stencil there, then after purchasing one can of flat white Touch & Tone spray paint, traveled to the blue wall near the Apollo to start my work. I was supposed to be on my way back to the house to meet up with my mom the see our cousin Pat, but this project was calling out to me. I felt the unresistable urge to start and complete this project, so I just went with it. My mom wasn't too happy at first that I was ditching our original plans, but I couldn't deal with that then. I was focused and determined to get started and that I did, setting the stencil up against the board and starting to paint.

Now, there was already a decent gathering of people outside of the Apollo at this time, but I didn't want to make much of a scene by doing this because I wasn't sure what the cops would say. Well, I didn't need to make a scene, because the scene came to me...I'd say after the 2nd stencil was on the wall, about 3 different photographers rushed me and started taking pictures of me painting the stencil on the wall. I felt so happy seeing them there because I knew my heart was in the right place with this one. More people started to gather and I could hear them behind me saying "WOW - now THAT's dope..." and "Is that Michael Jackson? WOW - what a GREAT work of art...". By the 8 or 9th stencil the stencil had become damp and useless (it was only on one sheet of paper - printer paper no less), and I had ran to get started on another one to finish my work.

It started POURING (and when I say pouring, I mean the sky had about a trillion Super Soakers aimed at the earth) so we rushed inside a nearby Manna's where they were playing "Thriller" and watched the storm come down. It was an eerily fitting soundtrack to the storm which just seemed to grow ever more fierce (I think I saw some HAIL? hmmm). By the time the storm calmed, we used that break to run back to the house and get started on the next stencil.

While at home working on the next stencil to use, I was listening to radio play Michael's hits as well as interviews with fans at various locations paying homage to Michael and his legacy. The radio show host had them play an interview with a fan at the Apollo who said some really touching words about Michael and who had begun to weep while she was speaking, and it was at that very moment when it TRULY hit me. I hadn't cried the whole day and a half after hearing Michael had passed away, but just hearing the sound of her voice explan how much Michael meant to her as she cried was enough to break down that inner-wall I had created, telling myself I couldn't or wouldn't cry anymore - and I started to sob uncontrollably.

All of the emotions of how I felt when listening to his music or watching him perform, seeing him deal with all of the media's disgusting accusations and portrayal of his character and how he didn't give in to any of it just rushed over me in that moment. It was then that I realized that the world had not just lost another celebrity; we had lost on of the most wonderful humanitarians and performers to ever grace the world with his prescence. I cried and cried, partially sad for the loss, but more happy that he was now where he belonged and thankful for all that he did and acomplished while he was here with us. I hadn't cried in what seemed like years, so for his death to invoke such emotion from me was a release I had needed for a long time. I had felt as if I just lost someone close to me and someone I knew well. I didn't feel as if some celebrity had just died, or that "it was just his time", because to me, it wasn't.

I wasn't ready for him to leave us, just like most of the world wasn't. We looked at Michael Jackson as something MORE than human, a being that was untouchable by death and unscathable by slander. However, Michael was just as human as any of us and it took his death for us to understand that he wasn't a god or an angel so to speak, he just was himself so well and so purely that we built him up to be more than what he was. Which is also why the media was so quick to tear him down, because they couldn't fathom the notion that he could be "human" and be so perfect with his imperfections. I cried so much because Michael was one of the few people left that I admired for just living thier life selflessly for others as well as himself. He used his powers for good and never sold out for a paycheck. His music not only brought people together, but it laid the groundwork for people to want to achieve more. The first multi-platinum selling record, the first fully-choreographed video, his life-changing messages in his music - all these are his staples of pushing the envelope and being real behind everything he did.

It's getting late (early? LOL) and I'm beginning to get tired, so I'll end this entry on that note. Michael Jackson was the BEST to EVER do what he's done and there will NEVER be another like him. I'll catch up with you kittens in the later hours...

-H

Get Wild, Wild, Wild!

2009-06-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

I dunno...I love Dilla with all my heart, but it's hard to choose sides on this one.

All I can say is that - yes. Better avenues should've been taken on this. Dilla would never produce my LP from the grave, but I believe in being INFLUENCED by him.

*ahem*

INFLUENCED.

If you've known Charles as long (or as short? - no homo) as I have, you just come to expect all of these cosmic, otherworldy, sonic/sun-ra-ish ideas he can come up with. He's a mainiac-brainiac rapper cat who is just assured in the style of living he's created. No one can "bust his pink bubble" so to speak, because there's no pink bubble there. So - I say let him believe that a vinyl element added to his sound is an "influence" from J Dilla. Of course - in all eyes of the law this does not constitute J Dilla inhibiting a 'Executive Producer' slot on CH's album. He knows this - he just wanted to test how far he could let you in his "pink bubble" - BZZZT!!

Charles Hamilton - that sir, is where you messed up.

Humble thine self! I speak through the blog because even as a human being in the flesh on this earth I cannot communicate to you through speech. You are too far gone. Don't allow fear to allude you from being a humble individual! It works!

*sigh* I love Dilla. I won't say I always did, because a large part of my life I didn't know dude. But I knew that sound and loved that sound - and if you're trying to say that by giving him props on your album, cool. Just go about it a better way. Don't trap yourself in a corner with lies, it's NOT a good look.

J Dilla: Beat Savior

2009-05-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

Call me old-fashioned I guess, but nothing is better to me than coolin' out on an weekend afternoon, smokin' a blunt and listening to Dilla beats. I have my reserved theories when it comes to religion and whatnot, so I won't bother bending your mind with those. (if your one of those religious freaks that can't quite handle a transcendual comparison please stop reading this) However - while listening to some Dilla joints this afternoon, I was feeling regretful that I never once got to meet the dude, but it still seems as if I've known him my whole life.

Then it hit me.

J Dilla was Hip-Hop's Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ was supposedly a carpenter who just happened to make miracles, right? Constantly building and constantly teaching others to enjoy life for what it is, not what the kings and queens were trying to make of it...he was an social outcast, yet appreciated by the few who truly understood his message and purpose. Alas, like Dilla - his work was only fully appreciated after his tragic (and early) death.

I feel as if Dilla had to bear the cross when it came to Hip-Hop (real hip-hop, yall), because his style wasn't always accepted...especially not through mainstream. This is the same bullshit any REAL artist would have to deal with, because the mainstream controls so much of where you go and how many people are exposed to your talents. Mainstream even then had the audacity to finally bend towards Dilla's sound, but chose not to give him any credit WHATSOEVER. It wasn't until he was reunited with the earth that people started realizing the body of work he left behind and how he had NEVER stopped working, even until his last days on earth - making beats in ICU, on his death bed.

It's always the great ones who go unnoticed, but is it because we choose not to notice their greatness - or is it because we have taught ourselves to be completely oblivious to all that is great, so that when a miracle occurs its seems almost unbelievable? Dilla didn't just create music - he created miracles. Soul-shaking, heart-taking, spirit-captivating miracles. I will NEVER be able to do what Dilla has done, all I can do is learn from what he has given me - something I had in my soul my whole childhood, from the day I was born.

It's a shame I came up on Dilla so late, because I liked Dilla's stuff before I even knew who Dilla was - that's how much of an impact on my life his music made. I had been hearing Dilla my WHOLE LIFE and didn't even know it. The same vibe, the same swing you get when you hear a Dilla joint - that vibe has been in my bloodstream my whole life...

...so to me, Dilla is like a brother I never knew, or very similar to Jesus in alot of ways. Here today, gone tomorrow - but they live on forever through the lessons they've left for us. I guess it's up me and the folks who actually care out there to progress and move forward - to do what we love so that we may too leave something behind worthwhile for the future generations to appreciate.

Dilla, I'll meet you someday.
And when I do - I'm twistin' one up while you're diggin' in the crates.
(can you believe Madlib and Jay once had a 30 blunt cypher? craaaaazy...)

-H

PS: Totally off topic, but Cam'ron's new album is kinda dope. Like REALLY dope. Harlem, all day. ;)

Artists I'd Like To Work With (Here and Posthumous)

2009-05-05T12:14:00.001-07:00

Since this topic always takes a "Fantasy Football" approach, I figured I'd give it a whirl accompanied with a slight explanation for each collaboration.

J-Dilla (obvious reasons; it would be more of a learning session on my end tho)
Madlib (blunted in the bomb shelter; crate diggin; b2b DJing)
Busta Rhymes (lyricist; old-school; pure energy; realist)
Chrisette Michelle (modern day Billie Holiday; fly; soulful)
Kanye West (idealist; thinker; natural genius; acts on emotion)
Common (realist; old-school; resemblance (?))
Ol' Dirty Bastard (spirited; unique; good-natured; lyricist; wild)
Eminem (talented; lyricist; realist; crazy; limitless)
Flying Lotus (adviser; kindred affection for video games; b2b DJing)
MF Doom (blaze trees; adviser; crate diggin')
Danger Mouse (funky; limitless; b2b DJing; crate-diggin)
Jamiroquai (funky; soulful; expressive; blunted; preserver)
Kurt Cobain (leader of expression; acts on emotion; idealist)
Dibiase (beatsmith; crate diggin')
Black Milk (beatsmith; b2b DJing; crate diggin)
Fatboy Slim (adviser; b2b DJing; crate-diggin)
Georgia Anne Muldrow (spacey; afro-centric; expressive; limitless)
Jill Scott (fly; good-natured; rooted; fun; inner-beauty)
Pharell (business minded; precise; fun yet efficient)
Nas (prophet; thinker; wordsmith; purist)
Slick Rick (dope; lyricist; character; realist)
Q-Tip (realist; lyricist; humble; multi-talented)
Christopher Wallace (lyricist; realist; adviser)
9th Wonder (beatsmith; adviser; old-school; b2b DJing)
James Brown (innovator; soul-power; selfless)
DJ Shadow (innovator; true-artistry)
Liam Howlett (multi-talented; advisor; b2b DJing)
Styles P (old school; realist; hardest out)

That's all I can come up with right now. I'm sure I'll be adding more as time goes on.

MajesticallyModest.

2009-04-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

Humility is such a difficult virtue to obtain, yet it is one of the most valuable treasures life has to offer.

This world turns ever so fast.
Haven’t posted in a few, only because so much has been going on. What exactly? Too much to sit here and write about right now, so I’ll just go into what I logged on here to rant about.

I love how the truth is coming to light now that “industry” artists are now outing the industry for what it is.

SHADY!

The SAME industry everyone wants me to break ground in, the same industry that cuts the big checks and makes all the decisions regarding YOUR future as an artist on THEIR label. Basically, I’ve come to the decision that while I would have no trouble producing a track for a major label artist, I myself won’t be signing ANY papers to join a major label. I enjoy the freedom and versatility that comes with being an indie artist so much that I can’t ever see myself giving that up for the mental and creative “shackles” that would accompany a few extra zeroes.
I wish I could help my family and friends see that point clearer, but the only way I can truly accomplish this goal is by making it as an independent artist and living truly happy.

The thing these record label execs have to realize about me (and I’m sure I’ll make it abundantly clear once I get in the position to do so) is that I am a man of simple pleasures and hospitality. All I need is a home (not a HOUSE – but a home) and my own space to make music/perform, and it would be all I ever ask for. With the revenue my music would generate, I would do things like create beat making seminars and DJ lessons/sessions so that teens and aspiring musicians could learn how to make music and truly find their own sound. I was making music before I learned how to DJ, but when I actually started attending a DJ class – I found a home away from home. I would want to give BACK if anything – and as long as I have a constant supply of food, a stylish way to get around (never would I blow more than $100,000 on a car) and a roof over my head, I’m GOOD.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m sure I’ll be quite content with releasing an LP on a Stones Throw or Nature Sounds type of label. Yes, I know this limits the audience that is exposed to my work – but I kind of like it that way. When I first heard of Dilla, MF Doom and Madlib – I had to FIND them, but I had heard their style of music all my life. This special sound that you identify with that (as an artist) makes you say to yourself “Yes. This is what I’ve been looking for my whole life. This is the music I WISH I could make”. That’s the same feeling I hope to reciprocate in others when listening to my music. I feel as if I would be watering myself down if I aspired to be the “Next Hit” maker or if I attempted to tailor my sound to meet a generalized standard. Not my style at all.

Anywhoo, life has been good and busy. Spending a lot more time with my girlfriend (quality time at that) and it’s causing me to reconsider the fashion in which I live. I am nearing twenty four years of existence on this plane, and wifey is nearing twenty three. We love our family and most importantly we care about the family we live with dearly. However, as our relationship progresses and as time goes on (we’ll be TWO years on July 14th! WHOOOOOOO!) I’ve begun to re-evaluate our current living situation.

A little monkey (yes – not a monkey wrench, but the whole monkey) has been thrown in the “comfortable” gears that is my life at home, and that monkey is none other than my mom. Hah! I know, right? That’s fucked up, H…but no, all jokes aside – my mom is coming up in June and I don’t know exactly when (or if) she’s going to bounce (damn - I should be looking forward to my mom coming up more earnestly. I miss her and my sis to death and I'm always excited to see her, I just know that with me being unemployed and constantly in and out of the house, we're going to be breathing down each other's neck).

Anyway – it’s already enough that my grandmother and I share a TV so when she wants to watch something, I’m usually making plans to be somewhere else – but now my MOM is coming up to stay (and possibly bringing my sister) and while I love my mom and my sis with ALL of my heart – ummm, I’m going to have to figure something out – FAST.

As much as I hate the workforce and ANY form of corporate labor, I feel this is my only exit strategy until something better comes along. I need to start looking at my future as something that is impending rather than I dream waiting to come true. I’ve spent almost a year being lazy and inactive as far as obtaining a new occupation is concerned, and with the economy in the state of disrepair that it is – I’m honestly scared to return to the workforce. Yet, in order to meet the personal and creative goals I have set for myself, I need to just bear down and bite the bullet on this one. Yeah, yeah – I’m an ARTIST – blah, blah, NATURAL TALENTS.

Yeah. Wish I could get an apartment with just talent.

The day they start givin’ away these $2,000 a month condos based on how well you can make a beat, sign me the fuck up. Until then, I guess I’ll keep being a optimistic dreamer in an modest reality.

-H

Royal Reality Checks

2009-04-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

Yo.
First off, what up.
It's been awhile.

I'm going to stop issuing Reality Checks to people who can't cash them. I do that alot, which is why (essentially) I keep my opinions (checks) to myself.

Hmmm! Got alot to catch up on...

Let's seeee...ummm...got my Tax Refund which was complete shite because the WHOLE thing hasn't even come in yet. Fuckin' stimulus. I LOVE how those ritzy white folk get bailed out with the quickness, but it's always a waiting game with the common man.

Anyway, it was fun while it lasted.
Some good came from it, I got Resident Evil 5 for the 360 and TRUUUUUUUUST me, shit is DOPE. I wasn't in the least bit disappointed (storyline had me laughin' - they bit off of everything from Gears to The Matrix) and it helps that my girlfriend LOVES Resident Evil. I installed RE3 on her computer awhile back and she was killin' it! She's not a fan of the 360 controls (blame my earlier Halo days for me being so used to the XBOX control scheme - believe me, it was weird for me too at first), so that and getting a game she actually would become immersed in was always an ordeal. With RE5 tho, she does everything herself and all I do is watch and occasionally help. It always makes me smile and feel like I've met my companion when we share a connection doing something we BOTH enjoy.

Yeah, son.
So yeah, I got that, another memory card and the new GOW2 maps.
See - this is what makes people HATE Xbox/Microsoft.
Not even the fact that it's probably the least popular of the "Big Three" (PS3/Wii/360), but because you have to pay for EVERYTHING. Add-Ons? Gotta pay for 'em. Full internet capability? You payin' for dat.
I frickin bought Resident Evil 5 one day, bought a Microsoft 1600 points card for $20, purchased the new GOW2 maps and wasted ALL my points, then the very NEXT day they issue a Versus Add-On for RE5 for 400 points. WHAAAAT?! I was FURIOUS. I woulda bought that Versus add-on if it had came out sooner instead of those dumbass maps that half of the time i can't play because my GOW2 disc is all of a sudden "unreadable"...Uggggh.

Altogether, that ran me about $100 roughly. Out of $300? Hah. That was my little treat to myself, because I knew I couldn't spread that money. $300 is about the amount I wanted to spend on getting my CD duplicated (AerosolHeart), so once that went belly-up I just decided to have fun with it. We saw my dude Q and his Girl (and his little daughter! que lindo! she is sooooooo adorable...little tiny thing full of life and wonder...) and winded up blowing money on 42nd street at Applebees (one place I NEVER will feel obligated to go to again...X THAT...the whole Forty Deuce strip can kiss my ass, because shit is WAAAAAAY too X-Spensive down in them parts of town...) then we got the crazy idea to go downtown and look for tattoos and piercings, so we headed to the village and my girlfriend got a nice "snakebite" by her lip.

I wanted a tattoo of the GOW symbol (a gear), but the dude first wanted to charge me $85 for it, then when he sketched it out - it was too small and I told him i wanted it to cover my whole bicep, he raised the price to $120. My girl felt some sort of way (which in turn made me overthink the situation, which was good because I was going off of drunken instinct) and it wasn't THAT hot of a sketch, so I decided against it. Good thing I did, because now I remember that I wanted the Gears symbol with the wings on the side.

So, between cabbin it, coppin trees, gettin hammered on drinks and feeding myself - the rest of the money kinda just evaporated.

The April Fools

2009-04-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

Okee doke. In the cab w/ CH on the way to the cop spot. Yes, there is NO weed man in West Bumbafuck so we must venture into the big city for the big score. LOL.

Seems like the gossip of everyday existence still effects those who are anxious enough to stoke that fire. Shame, because all the Miss Info's and Karen Civil's in the world will never possess the very thing that they sought after...and that thing is RAW talent. Now really. In all seriousness. A WALE and Charles Hamilton beef? That's like Kid Cudi beefin wit Drake. Its unbelievable how these non-industry people try to create friction with new up-and-coming artists. Can we let them drop an ALBUM first before we start this hypothetical shit?

I'm glad CH is a heartfelt dude, because rather then black and murder someone who just got caught up in the moment (ahem Soulja Boy ahem) he decided to be a man and confront dude on the phone with Karen on the line so he could see the leech for who she is. Karen Civil, get a REAL job. Done.

Hangin' With The Hamiltons

2009-04-01T19:09:00.000-07:00

Hey.

Reporting live from Mr, Hamilton's humble abode here in West Bumbafuck AKA Green Hill Zone, in the kitchen.
Bri and Ree are hooking up the ILLEST Chicken Parm - Charles is upstairs releasing "At Most I'm Just..." for all the world to hear...it's been a WONDERFULLY CRAZY last 3 days at this dude's crib...on some real WOODSTOCK shit.

Really dope.

So umm...back to reality. SOON. Until then, me and the REE are here blackin' out...

Sour Patch Tooth Grenades.

2009-03-23T19:00:00.000-07:00

Dammit, dammity, damn damn damn. Of all the the things I procrastinate in doing, going to the dentist is the thing that I am paying for the most.

DEARLY.

I used to love candy as a kid. Candy and cakes. I started with the BS "common candy" as I like to call it...Bazooka Joe gum, Bubbaloo, the spanish "Gum Bol", Butterscotches from Grandma's Dish...and my love for candy just grew and grew.
I never came around to licorice candies, jelly beans and candy corn. YUCK...

...but when I found sour candy? What?! It was a WRAP.
Sour Apple Blow Pops (pause), Blu Raspberry Blow Pops (double pause), Cry Babies, Eye Poppers...they even had this like sour salt type of shit when I moved to Texas called Lucas (gotta google that see if it's still around), but my mom didn't want me eatin that shit because she said it was like salt. That shit was like eating Kool-Aid straight out the packet, son!

Point? I am nearing 24 and cannot fathom eating half of the candy I grew up loving.
I bought $1.25 worth of Sour Patch Kids Watermelon Slices, and got through about 3 of them. My teeth were on fire.

Bombs.

Little sticky, gummy grenades caught in the cracks and crevices of my teeth - exploding in a rush of pain from the cavity unknown.

They really try to warn ya when your young, kiddies.
"Dont' eat all that candy - you'll rot yer teeth out!"
You think, "How is that possible? Rot my teeth? I'd have to eat like 10lbs of sugar straight to rot MY teeth out..."

Nope. All you gotta do is have a sweettooth for about 20 years straight and you'll be wishin' you picked up a celery stick for every Sour Power/Twizzler you devoured...i know I am.

**UPDATE**

So I Googled that Lucas candy salt -ish, right? Turns out that they BANNED that shit because it contained dangerous levels of lead...and I used to EAT that shit! You can read about it here...damn Mexicans and their fucked up candy!

Off The RADAR.

2009-03-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I'll wake up in the morning and want to rip the phone jack out of the wall.

SERIOUSLY.

If it aint TELEMARKETERS wakin' me up at the crack of ass (when I should theoretically be allowed to sleep through most of the day), it's clients, friends, associates and so on.

LEAVE ME BE, I SAY!!

I don't wish to be perceived as a snob, or snobbish. That isn't even my style. I just can't be all "hop to it" like everyone wants me to be. This time period is reminiscent to the summer of 2007 when everybody wanted a piece of H2. When there wasn't a day I could spend by myself, because every circle was pulling me every which way. While I admire being the one always considered for the hang-outs and the get-togethers, sometimes I just need to blend with the shadows for awhile.

This time around, I'm setting my OWN standard.

I will no longer be a victim of the "push&pull" of obligations. I feel that once you are "obligated" to do something, it's like making a promise with that person that you will always be there to get them out of a jam. Nah.

As an artist with talent, you have to realize that talent for what it's worth.

Too many times have I fallen prey to the "obligation" of having to help someone I know, or someone who knows someone that enjoys what I do. These people never come up to me with blank checks like, "Yo H! I'm diggin' ur style, fam! How much do YOU want for that beat?". Never would they. They expect you to help them out until they break out of the same situation you're in as a struggling artist (that's the excuse half of the time - "Yo, you know I would pay you but time's is rough right now...but don't worry tho, I got you when we make it...just keep workin wit me...")

...and all I can do is laugh, really. These kids are actual PERFORMERS and actually get PAID on the regular. I don't have a job or a gig for that matter. They do at LEAST a show a week and see no less than $50 for that show. Now what THEY do with their money is truly on THEM, but where does H2 fit in the equation? RARELY does an artist come out of pocket for my beats (i think the most I ever got from a beat was $20 and 3 bags of Kush), and i'm starting to realize that $10 a session isn't really worth all of the stress that creating music for individuals entails. Nah.

Spoke to Charles on the phone yesterday and it was like talking to a therapist while being a therapist. He is easily misunderstood (as am I) so it's always a joy to talk to him because he is usually helping me put my own fears at ease.

I'm glad he still reaches out because he feels like I understand him (I do a good 85% of the time...I wish I could be as far out in space and time as dude is). He's on the way back from SXSW, and dude is as humble as humble can be. I love it. I remember when he used to just FLOOD us with new shit and we'd be like "Alright! Alright! We know you doin ya thing, Charles!", but now it's like trying to open Pandora's Box to get him to reveal some new shit...he's so coy and humble about his life now, and it's great to see him living his life remotely stress free considering all he's been through. I'd like to think that I had a hand in teaching him some of those lessons, but I won't bother to take credit. ;)

So, back to Squared One. Yeah, I know you're not supposed to start a sentence with SO and it's "Square One". SO what? It's my bloggy and I'll blog how I want to. :)
I wanna say (for the record) that this isn't me being selfish. This is me being self-righteous. I have to have more respect for myself and my craft before I can have others respect it for what it truly is.

Deuces.

Aiight, aiight, aiight...

2009-03-22T20:24:00.000-07:00

...so perhaps I was wrong about the white boy?
Perhaps...

Suu-Suu-STUDIO!

2009-03-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

I need a studio now. Like, BADLY.

Saturday morning I woke up around 9am for a 11am appointment at a Wonderful Music Studios in SoHo. I've been in studios before. This wasn't my first "studio-experience".
However, I've never felt as comfortable in a studio like I've felt in this one.

I met up with Justin (Pop) @ the studio, and the peeps we were supposed to meet weren't there. Okay. Cool.

"I'm actually kinda calm." Pop says, and I agree with him. I've been put through these "at the door, almost getting the okay to go through it" situations so many times already, that I've lost that inital "nervous anticipation" or "first jitters". We took a stroll real quick to a nearby Halal truck and Pop picked us up some ginger ales to keep us from being parched. We came back to the studio and waited around for a bit, starting to think that we had arrived too early, when this skinny Caucasian fella strolls up like, "Hi, I'm Dan - you guys here to meet with *** about a session?". We agree, and he invites us in.

Now, I had already had my reservations about the studio in my head.
Like most studios, it's a naturally quiet environment that is meant to perfect one's sound in an artificial manner. I usually object to that artificiality because it affects the way I make music. Or at least that's what I used to feel like. This place changed my whole perspective on a "studio experience".

As he's telling us to relax and get comfortable, I notice three things that put my soul at ease immediately.

1: A box full of that good-ole 1960's-1970's thrift shop purchased vinyl.
2: Two turntables, a mixer and what looks to me like Serato Scratch LIVE.
3. A Flatscreen TV hooked up to a Nintendo Wii.

Dan is one of the coolest engineers I've EVER met. I hate when you go in a studio or a studio-like setting and it seems as if the person helping you has your overall intentions in mind, yet is trying to do their job so efficiently that they take on the project as their own, rather then a unity of ideas. I sensed NONE of that from Dan, quite frankly I found that Dan was open to a lot of ideas and we were able to vibe on a musical level very quickly.

We didn't even jump right into the music.
We played some RE4 (Resident Evil 4 for you n00bs) for awhile, listened to some Middle-Eastern vinyl for sample inspiration, and then I inquired about Serato (the latest reason to make you throw away all of your vinyl...lol nah nah, I would NEVER do that) because I never used it before. I've seen DJ's KILL it with Serato, and I always wanted to f**k wit it, just never was around a Serato set for that long and didn't have the $500 to buy it.

Dan starts out by blending some Electro and showing me the ins and outs of the program, then lets me give it a whirl.

Man, let me tell you.
I have not felt that alive with the music since I left The Door and Recess. (for those that don't know, The Door is a community center right below the high school I used to attend where I learned to DJ by going to afterschool classes...and Recess was my first "real" gig, where I would spin Drum n' Bass music every Wednesday night until the wee hours of the morning...)

After spinning together for about 20 minutes or so, Dan was really feeling my DJ style and even invited me to DJ his birthday party coming up this week.

Flattered was I? Yes.
I hadn't even DJed a full 30min set, we just were B2Bing it (back to back) and he was diggin' it. Cool. That's when I realized that DJing is something I will NEVER lose. It will ALWAYS be in my heart to DJ, because that's where this whole obsession with music started.

It stared when I was 3 years old and my mom had bought me a Fisher Price turntable for Christmas. (i need to Google that again to show yall what it looked like - it was SOOOOO tuff!)

I didn't quite know it then, but I knew I loved to play different records and I knew that playing with the speed of the sound was fun too. My love for Hip-Hop would later on have me making mixes in my head. Life would soon cast me into the arms of a father-figure who actually let me experiment with his turntables on a few occassions. (lol - now my dad wouldn't wanna battle me in a mixdown - i would tear him UP!)

Point? Even though the meeting was essentially a "bust", I still gained a lot out of it. It helped revive my love of spinning as well as ignite a new flame of desire...to aquire my OWN studio so that I can have as much fun doing what I love on the REGULAR!

*sigh* Good times...

PS: This is what my first turntable used to look like:

I Guess School Isn't THAT Bad...

2009-03-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

(Shouts to B. Yung)

This has made me feel completely small.
Thank you, Ryan Leslie.
Thank you for making me see how an MBA in Music is ACTUALLY something worth shooting for.
Watch and learn, n00bs.

*blown*

The Science of A Black Man's Suicide

2009-03-18T17:44:00.000-07:00

So, today I'm checking HipHopDX as usual (thanks Brian), and I stumble upon a headline in relation to "King Tut" of the 730 Dips.

Really don't know who he is like that (these Dipset niggas have like 20 different branches of nigga legislature...Purple City Byrdgang, Skull Gang, 730 Dips...etc.) but It shocked me to read that he had recently commited suicide.

First thought. Damn. Another black man lost? To himself? FUCK...

I read the article further and made a decent post that I'll share with ya:

**from HipHopDX**

730 Dips Affiliate Commits Suicide In Police Standoff
March 18th, 2009 | Author: Allen Jacobs

Darnell "King Tut" Brittingham's battle with the law ended yesterday, after a troubled 2009. Last month, the 730 Dips affiliate was arrested on February 12 for drug charges, as well as connected to another felony stabbing crime one day later.

Yesterday (March 17), in North Elsmford, New York, Brittingham shot himself in a taxi cab, as police patrol cars began to surround the wanted suspect. Hackensack police, the New Jersey department where Brittingham had outstanding warrants, is assisting in the case, says New Jersey's Courier Post Online.

Per reports, the rapper and perceived Freekey Zekey [click to read] affiliate was leaving a motel with a female companion in the taxi. As police approached and demanded the driver and two fares leave the vehicle, Brittingham stayed behind, firing a semi-automatic hand gun once. He was dead when police entered the cab.

As late as last night, police were waiting to confirm the deceased. As the suspect at the time of incident, reports are strongly suggesting that it is indeed Brittingham.

No members of 730 Dips have yet to comment on the situation.

**

I read further down to see a comment made by a Dyce Lo:

R.I.P. to any and all of my brothers and sisters. THIS IS definatly sad. yet i must say as a 20 year old blackman. who has been in and out the system since 11. yes 11 years old. i can understand dude going out how he did. jail/prison. thats a coffin where u are awake. and for a convicted felon wit a new beat. plus you affiliated wit a rapper. its curtains.

please remember suicide is the highest in the black community out of all races.

and he is not the first[nor last artist] to commit suicide. any one feeling suicidal; please talk to someone first. someone who cares.

artists who died from sucide;
KING TUT
HALF A MIL[THE FIRM; DROPPED 2 SOLO LP'S]
KRS 1 SON
X-1 [STICKY FINGAZ BROTHER-ONYX]
OL DIRTY BASTERD
KURT COBAIN
NO ONE WANTS TO SAY IT; BUT PIMP C

PEACE

Now I respect dude's post. Yes, it started out well...he just made a few "errors". While correcting him, I made a very insightful post:

@ Dyce Lo:

Aiight, aiight. Before I even get in on this subject, lemmie make a quick correction. ODB did NOT commit suicide - he swallowed a deadly amount of crack/cocaine in efforts to escape more jail time, but it winded up killing him.

Umm...SUICIDE? No. SUICIDE is the act of one willingly taking their own lives. Not accidental overdose. PIMP C? Another overdose case. Why would PIMP C want to end his life when it was going so well? Wouldn't he have just killed himself in JAIL? *ahem*

================

Now back to this "King Tut" character.

Depression is a real disease, a SILENT killer at that. When that cloud is hanging over you, suicide can seem like the only option. For anyone considering that option, I will say first hand that it isn't even worth the thought. I tried it and failed and I couldn't be more happy that I'm alive today to type this. Things DO get better.

I don't know what was going on in dude's life, nor do I care really. He had a few run-in's with the law, but at the end of the day - the society we live in is dog-eat-dog and is set-up for the downfall of most citizens, especially minorities.

If you come up in the hood in NY, "you either sling crack-rock or u got a wicked jump-shot". Biggie was NOT far off. You cannot perpetuate the stereotype by doing the same dumb shit everyone around you is doing.

It's hard to avoid the temptation. You watch the hustlers get rich, every other nigg-- is trying to be the next 50, Cam or whatever, and the real goals of actually making something of yourself are masked by the ideals of an easy come-up. Doin the "right" thing seems like 10x more effort than doing the wrong thing.

Now the last time I read something on here about this "King Tut" dude, he was going down off of traffikin bud. Okay, that's dumb - yes. Not dumb enough to end your own life, though.

I'm sure if he had someone in his corner telling him to actually make something of himself instead of hanging around with all of these fuck-heads (who probably won't even front the $$$ to pay for a decent burial), he probably would be alive today.

Sad fucking story...I hope Cam has the nuts to say something in his favor.

I don't know why, but right now Lauryn Hill's "Lost Ones" is playing in my head as I write this...

Cudi Hit The Nail...

2009-03-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

...on the HEAD. Crazy how people IN the industry still can find issues with it...ummm...maybe because the music industry is as much of a corporate monster as any other corporation? Here's what he said:

**from Kid Cudi's BLOG**

AFTER THE RELEASE OF MY FIRST LP THIS SUMMER, IAM NOT MAKING ANY MORE
SOLO ALBUMS. IAM FALLIN BACK ON BEING A ARTIST. THE DRAMA THAT COMES
WITH IT IS MORE OVERWHELMING THAN THE SHIT I WAS DEALING WIT WHEN I WAS
PISS POOR BROKE. MY FRIENDS GET MAD AT ME, SAY IVE CHANGED, ONE OF THE
ONLY HOMIES I GOT IN THIS GAME, WALE, IS WORRIED ABOUT ME CUZ OF SHIT
HE HEARS. LIKE WTF? WHO CAN SAY IM BEIN HOLLYWOOD? IM NOT AROUND ANYONE
BUT PLAIN PAT AND EMILE. WHO CAN SAY THAT SHIT? MUTHAFUCKAS TALKIN SHIT
HERE AND THERE, SPREADIN RUMORS, MAKIN JOKES, TRYNA JUDGE ME, AND FOR
WHAT? DOES MY MUSIC POKE FUN AT OTHERS? DO I TALK SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE N
MY MUSIC? I ALREADY WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL ONCE, AND GOT EXPELLED CUZ IT
WASNT FOR ME. IMA DROP OUT THIS SHIT BEFORE NIGGAZ TRY AND CRUCIFY ME.

I DONT LOOK AT IT AS QUITTING, FOR I HAVE ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED MY
GOAL. I HAVE A SOLID FANBASE WHO TRUELY APPRECIATES ME AND MY MESSAGES
THRU SONG, I GOT MULTIPLE BIG RECORDS, I HAVE RECIEVED WORLDWIDE
CRITICAL ACCLAIM FROM THE BIGGEST TASTEMAKERS IN THE GAME, 3 FAN MADE
BEST OF MIXTAPES WITHOUT EVEN RELEASING MORE THAN ONE MIXTAPE AND NOT
EVEN RELEASING A ALBUM, I CAN PAY MY MOMS MORTGAGE AND HELP MY SISTER
WITH MY NIECE AND HOLD MY BROTHERS DOWN WITH WUTEVER THEY NEED. THATS
WUT I GOT IN THIS GAME FOR, TO ACCOMPLISH ALL THESE GOALS AND I HAVE.
NO REGRETS
IM SORRY TO THE FANS, IM SO SORRY YALL. I KNO U GUYS WILL ALL HATE
ME, BUT REMEMBER, IM JUS A REGULAR DUDE WHO WAS GIVEN A AMAZING GIFT,
AND NOW WITH THAT AMAZING GIFT CAME MORE UNCALLED FOR PROBLEMS THAN THE
AVERAGE HUMAN BEING SHOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH.

AGAIN, IAM SORRY, BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP ME FROM GOING COMPLETELY
INSANE. IM TOO REAL FOR THIS HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL SHIT. BAK TO THE MOON
I GO
^
^
^
My response:

On some real shit, I kinda feel Cudi right now.

The labels and industries have taken Hip-Hop music as a brand and
have tried to curb it and mold it in a fashion that is against it’s own
foundation. Hip-Hop was built to DEFY the rules, not to co-exist with
them to the point of building a caste system within itself.

Cudi is probably dealing with what most new (and good) artists have
to deal with - and that’s not having a life of your own for awhile.
Having to show up and perform at shows or unscheduled meetings at the
drop of a hat can be physically and emotionally taxing. Especially when
alot of these decisions aren’t necessarily made by YOU but more so your
manager, publicist, etc.

The life of an artist is not just “make that music, make that
money”. It’s the little things that push and pull you along the
way…family…temptation…loyalty…things that can make you and break you if
you don’t stay focused.

I feel him on the industry thing, only because as an upcoming artist
myself - I see the industry for what it is. There’s no REAL room for
creativity and self-expression unless it’s in accordance to what
THEY’RE trying to portray. If you don’t come out swinging with a “hit”,
you’re AUTOMATICALLY shelved and unheard from.

New artists who are actually TALENTED don’t get to see the light of
day because they didn’t make a “ringtone friendly” song, or didn’t
generate enough internet buzz. Producer’s who don’t sound like Polow Da
Don or rappers who don’t rap and dance like Soulja Boy get immediately
labeled as UNDERGROUND.
Is that really what HIP-HOP is? Because I remember being a kid in
the late 80’s - early 90’s, and it seemed alot REALER than this.

My point? HIP-HOP is NOT dead, but it’s having an identity crisis.

So many new artists are trying to emulate the next best thing
because they know this is what will do numbers. They also know this is
what the labels are looking for as well, so are they wrong? I’m sure
HIP-HOP would be alot more diverse and less repetitive if we had more
Cudi’s out there who stood on their own two feet about how they feel
about the the industry robot. More people who actually respected
HIP-HOP as an ART FORM and not just a “get-rich quick” scheme…

…yet, something tells me that in the day and age we live in, this
cycle will continue to perpetuate itself and Kid Cudi will be phased
out by this time next year by the next Lil’ Kid So and So who’s made
that dope single for everyone to bump to. I guess the real lesson here
is don’t bite the hand that feeds you? Hmmm…

…or better yet? Is being REAL to who you are an what you stand for
worth potentially throwing away all that you’ve dreamed of? Hmmm…more
things to paander…

-H

Fuck! My old Blog is GONE!

2009-02-17T13:42:00.000-08:00

Man, this is gay.

The fudge-packers over @ Journalspace.com (a old school blogger site I used to drop science on around 2002-2004) just like, DELETED mad blogs in attempt to make space (i guess) and guess who's blog was on the chopping block?

That SUCKS. I rarely read it now, but I always thought it'd be some sort of time capsule for me. Hmm...does that mean that this one has an expiration date on it as well? Fuck...

Man, this DangerDoom song has been stuck in my head the whole weekend! I barely give ANY producer props (Madlib & J Dilla excluded), but Danger Mouse BLACKED on this beat. It's in my playlist on the right side of my blog..."Social Distortion" is the name of it.

Sheree and I are back on our youth shit. LOL - like in a very funny, cool and relaxed kinda way. She has this cool new "scene" haircut that makes her look like the crazy EmoSoul chick I've always yearned for. Valentine's Day was nice - I'll blog about that in a few.

We got to chill @ Isaac's (LOL - well Isaac and The Gang's) crib, and I was VERY thrilled and relieved to see Ingrid & Sheree getting along so well. Without the tension in the air, I feel alot less guilty going over there without her.

Ree copped the FADER mag with Charles (Charles Hamilton) on the cover - they got this dude SHININ'!! I'm ULTRA proud to be in the company of such creative excellence, and I'm REALLY glad that dude reaches out still! We chat on the phone like he still lives in harlem, and is a block away with a bag of the trees. I applaud ANYONE who breaks in the industry, yet still makes time for the people who care.

Anywhoo - bout to cop the Dutch to engage in the daily habit. I mean - SERIOUSLY. I've realized that since I've lost my job, there has probably been a WEEK (in total) in which I haven't smoked weed. 7 days. That's fuckin sad...but you know...at least it's not Heroin. I was watchin Oprah while in line to pay the phone bill (oddly crowded today, BTW) and apparently Ohio has a REAL bad Heroin problem...GOOD.

YEAH, I SAID IT.

People need to get it through their naive and fucked-up racist heads that this shit does NOT just happen to ghettos and black communities. This drug epidemic is fucking up the most rural and surburban communities in America. Meth, Heroin, Oxy, Pills...that's that WHITE people shit. Never would you EVER see H with some H in his arm...

...Roll that blunt, tho. ;)

-H

Tell Everybody That You Know

2008-12-05T22:44:00.000-08:00

"I got the right. To put up a fight, but not quite. Cuz you cut off my light - but my sight? is BETTER tonight - so i might...see you in my nightmares..."

Sometimes I understand my girlfriend. Alot of times i'm stuck wanting to understand her and wanting to just be as crazy as I can be with her. She's the semi-crazy type, at least where I live. Where she lives is different. She is on the plateau to more while I beat myself for not being responsible. YET - I always know that a stress-free existence is promising alot as well. Fuck that - it's HANDING me the key to my full eternal release.

Sometimes I drift and think suicidially again and it's not healthy, this I already know. Yet, I also think that I should want to be all I can be and be the best for the one I love. I'm torn between self-fufillment and self-assurement that I selfishly consider the option of suicide, yet I'n my head I convince myself that this will alleviate me of the added pressures of the many.

"Hey hey hey...don't say you will...then play you will...i pray you will..."

HAHA - I won't exactly flirt with that. I just wish I could cry as easily as she does. I think the childhood erased my emotions as well as the whole 'outkast until 16' syndrome. When I accepted being weird is when people started understanding me for more than just a nerdy black kid. I had an imagination and it was bigger than this room we sit in.

So what if I was gone? Who would it DIRECTLY affect? Probably Sheree the most, but isn't that why 90% of them do it? To claim revenge or appear spiteful towards the one you love as to say - fine, we'll see how you do without me. It's a shame how pitful us humans can be at times. Going through uneccessary methods just to prove a fucking point.

Now I can march back in there and play GTA as if nothing has come of this and is if I went on a bender. I could be a stupid jackass and try and break my neck on this chandelier so people can turn the lights on me when I've got a rope on my reck.
Or I could just find her pills and swallow them all.

Hmm.

GTAIV is looking SO dope right now.

-H

Goals

2008-11-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

NEW JOB
Midnight - Sister Souljah
XBOX 360
Gears of War 2
DRIVERS LICENSE
CAR
COLLEGE (City College)
APARTMENT

The New Harem.

2008-11-06T13:39:00.000-08:00

About three years ago, I made a post in my older blog (yes - this is NOT my first blog - actually my 3rd) about who I would have in a 20 woman harem which you can read here.

After reviewing the old Harem, I figured I would post a new one being that most of those girls i'm not too crazy over anymore.

Remember, these are for amusement purposes only.
I love my girlfriend faithfully and nothing will EVER change that.

The NEW Harem is as follows:

20. Sarah Silverman

Okay, so I'll start this one off with Sarah Silverman.
Why? Because she's this totally underrated hotness.
For me, CRAZY=SEXY. Yeah she's Jewish, so what? Girl has one of the fattest Jewish asses I've EVER seen.
Keep kickin' ass Sarah, and big-ups for supporting Barack!

19. Kiss Promise

Who said I didn't like black chicks?
When it comes to me and black girls, it's all about the "cute" factor. Cute plays into your sexy which therein - makes you sexy. Why do girls get so offended when you call them "cute"?
Anywhoo...I found Kiss Promise online perusing the net for upskirts and whatnot, and she's a cutie. I love a chick who can tease well (most of her pics aren't nude) and she also gets points for the bucky-buckteeth. Super-CUTE in my book.

18. Kim Kardashian

I know what yall thinkin'. Damn, H?? Why you put Kim all the way on the BACK of the list? Well, honestly - I'm not too wild about Kim Kardashian the way the rest of the male population is.
She's a sexy girl - kind of a freak (lol - Ray J proved that), but all she's got to me is that booty. Overall, she's a Paris Hilton with an ass. Out of my tax-bracket.

17. Charlize Theron

Always been a fan of Charlize, since "Monster" dropped - hell, even before that. It just bewildered me how she could look so atrociously-gross in that movie (i think she gained like 20 extra pounds for the role?), and then right after - look just as hot as she ever has.
She's fallen down my list over time, but I don't think she'll ever fade. She's also an activist, and there's nothing hotter than a rich, hot chick fighting for the little man.
Keep kickin' ass, Charlize.

16. Gabrielle Union

My girlfriend is DEFINITELY going to have something to say about this one.
(LOL - one of a few I'm sure)
Something about a woman with power who knows how to call the shots and look sexy while doing it just presses my buttons. Miss Union has mastered this craft and even though she can appear to be a bit of an 'itch' with a B at the end, she pulls off the sexy marvelously - usually reducing her male counterpart to mush. It's like when a girl beats you at arm-wrestling.
Not even to mention that she's recovered from a really rough issue to tackle...rape. :(

15. Christina Ricci

Man, I've been hot for Christina Ricci since "The Addams Family". No joke.
She's always been a natural beauty, even when she played a dyke in "Monster". (LOL - funny how I have BOTH chicks from that movie on this list) She really stole it though, when she was in "Black Snake Moan".
She's blossomed into a fine actress for sure, but to me she'll always be cute lil' Wednesday.

14. Amerie

Wow. I mean, wow-wee. African-American AND Korean. She's smart as all hell AND she can blow. (She can SING, assholes.) When she first dropped "Why Can't We Fall In Love", I was in love with the vocals...then when I was able to put a face to the music, it was mind-blowing. My lady put me on to a few other joints by her including "Rolling Down My Face" which I really like alot.
Haven't really heard much from her lately, but I hear she's on Def Jam now workin on a new LP.
Should be cool.

13. Eva Mendes

One thing about latin chicks is that they have this unspoken sexuality. Like, this glare they give ya. Even before her nude flash in "Training Day", I was oogling over Eva in "All About The Benjamins". She's like the tom-boyish Mexican Cindy Crawford.
She's a rough-and-tumble kinda girl (always the kind i like) yet still a graceful and beautiful model...and she knows how to keep it real with the dudes too.

12. Bjork

Yeah, yeah. I know.
How you jump from Eva Mendes to Bjork?
Sure, Bjork is a little older.
However, Bjork is also graceful, beautiful, talented and crazy...and like I said earlier - CRAZY=SEXY. If you check out her older work and when she was in the Sugarcubes, you'll see a vivacious and spunky Bjork who doesn't have a care in the world. Her voice sails as she bounces around playing around with the camera, yet putting on operatic perfomances.
Even with all of the responsiblity of being considered one of the "innovators" of experimental rock, she's still a playful girl and now a playful and loving mom.
For some reason, that innocence and glee is enough to make me smile.

11. Amanda Bynes

I don't really rock with the pop-sensation "teeny-bopper" style girls, but Amanda Bynes is different. When she got her show on the WB, I saw a mature and way-yyy hotter Amanda who knew how to work her sexy into her goofy character.
Nothing hotter than a sexy goof (see: Sarah Silverman), so while she would act like a clown one second - she could just as easily switch that into impervious seduction. Haven't really seen much of her in a bit, but she could be doing other things.
She's like a hotter version of an Olsen twin.
Those Olsens are a bit too boney for my liking.

10. Brenda Song

Surprisingly, if I would've done this list about a year ago, she would be alot higher. Ehh. I dunno. I've kinda lost the fire I had for cute lil' London Tipp from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
The "asian curse" that once held me captive has finally been lifted, and I guess this one left right along with it.
My sister would watch that show and London would be the only reason I'd even be interested in a Disney show. Nope. Scratch that. Last list, I had Raven-Symone on it - but she's fallen off. Hard.
Brenda doesn't replace her, but she's earned her spot this time...I guess. (She kinda looks like she has a mustashe in this pic tho...OH NO!) ;)

9. Rachel I.

Oh man, am I gunna catch hell for this one.
Rachel I is one of those girls ya just KNOW not to mess with. Like eating candied corn when you have like 10 cavities. I always say a pretty face and a smile works for miles - and she's got it - but that also means having to beat away dudes with a bat.
I would mention her other features, but I don't want my neck broken.
It's hilarious how you can hug girls yet not touch them with a 10ft pole. (I say this metaphorically - we're cool, but my hands never leave my side, ya dig?)
She's a cool friend - so I try to be real cautious when I'm speaking in a flattering manner about my "friends".

8. Stacey Dash

How in the FUCK did I miss this one last time?
Stacey Dash?!
Is she not the HOTTEST MILF you've ever seen?
Funny, because when she was in "Clueless" I wasn't really phased by her. I was all over Alicia, tho.
Man, I'm glad i stopped sweatin' white chicks.
I think it took me having to see her in Kanye's "All Falls Down" video to finally be like "Ohh. Oooookay...she got it". I mean...if the picture above doesn't tell you that "she got it", I think you need your eyes checked.

7. Rihanna

Ahhh. Nothin' hotter than a famous hottie playing video games.
I didn't care for Rihanna when she first dropped, I was a real hater. So, much like all of the pop-sensations (and gnomes, fairies and all other imaginary creatures), I forgot she existed and she dissapeared for awhile.
Then "Umbrella" dropped.
I was like "Who dat??", and it was Rihanna. Lookin fly as ever. She had that cute lil' emo cut, and was killin it in them fishnets. Hot. She's continued to get dudes hot and bothered, including a certain 'Transformer' star?
(*cough* Shia Labeouf! *cough*)

6. Liz

Okay, I'm ready to catch MORE hell about this one.
Liz is another friend. Very cool, very sweet - just the person you can kick it with on some intellegent, funny classy-ghetto-hoodrat ISH. Yet, much like Ms. Silverman, she's another Jewish girl with a bangin' body.
I think her attitude makes her look and seem hotter (she's real laid back and cool) but I still keep that "10ft pole" rule in full effect when she's around.
No offense, but I just don't need my head handed to me on a platter.

5. Megan Fox

Hmm, speaking of "Transformers"?
Ya gotta love those girls who look as girly as they come, yet they can't cook a damn meal and NEVER touched a broom in thier lives. Straight beer-drinkin hotties, who have no problem talkin about the chicks as if she were one of the dudes.
Enter, Megan Fox.
Of course, she's on EVERYONE'S hot list, but I still don't know enough about her to feel totally comfortable with her being on the list. She's still good eye candy, tho. ;)

4. Raelene

LOL, another one falls victim to the "10ft pole" rule.
Raelene is more like a little sister to me, that is just young enough to not follow me around everywhere. A girl who can punch and kick you like she's one of the fellas is a nice friend to have. Just like Liz, her attitude makes her more attractive than her looks; she's more of an outspoken, sporty gymnast who has a model hidden under her belt. However, the model side of her is only masked by her interest in fashion, a field I can see her becoming heavily involved in.
Go on, girl. I see you strivin' for ANTM status.

3. Scarlett Johannson

Whooooo, look at Scarlett kill 'em!
Scarlett has been one of my faves for a long time, even before "Lost In Translation" dropped. If it wasn't for her, I think Selma Blair would have this spot (whaaaat? Selma Blair?? YEAAAH, Selma Blair! You know you saw 'Cruel Intentions'!).
Scarlett knows how to work her sexy JUST ENOUGH to have you comming back, begging for more.
She's a temptress, using her eyes as tools of seduction, leading you on with her Jolie-esque lips (yeah, I wasn't gunna cop-out and put Angelina on the list, but I did think about it)...AND if that's not enough for ya, she's a die-hard Barack supporter!
That's what im talkin about!
Pretty in politics!

2. Halle Berry

Okay, okay. Before you even START about how "cliche" it is to have Halle Berry at damn near the #1 spot, I ask you this:
How many women (besides Jessica Alba) can just push out a baby, and then a week later be lookin just as fine as they did before they got pregnant? Halle Berry, son.
Yeah - she had to get nailed by Billy Bob to grab an Oscar, but she EARNED that Oscar. She's got that SPECIAL kinda sexy, a mix of innocence topped off with a dash of seduction and eyes that can peer right into your soul. She's had to deal with alot of asshole dudes that she's dated, but that hasn't set her back a bit.
She's still as hot as she was when I first saw her in "Boomerang". You're not a black man if you don't like Halle. Sorry.

1. Sheree

Now look at this sexy piece of hot-chocolate right here.
This is MINE. ALL MINE.
All you fool-ass, corny motherfuckers that try to holla at my Ree-Ree cause you see her flossin now, can all eat a dick.
Sheree is my perfect mix of sexy, soulful, sweet and seductive chocolate that is in NO way afraid to tell you how it is. If anybody gave it to you straight, it was Ree.
When I first met Ree, I knew she wasn't like the rest. She got the booty (oh my gaaaawd do she), but it wasn't even about that. It was about how she was the most stunning girl in the park that day and that moment; and she walked around already knowing it. Confidence radiated through her aura and that drew me to her.
I was afraid at first, because I thought I was gonna get shut down by this queen. Yet, when we started talking - I found out something that made me want to follow her forever. That something was that she had a heart as big as a 10,000 piece puzzle and she was looking for that last jigsaw piece to complete it. So was I. So when we found each other, we knew we had found our piece and we weren't letting it go.
I picked this picture of her, not just because she having so much fun, but because she's looks so beautiful while doing it. We were in our own world (as we always are) and she was struttin' her stuff just for me. She's got the bad-ass glam of a "Hills" superstar, yet the down to earth ghetto-soulbird you'd find in a Lauryn Hill song. Club ready and scene-shreddin', she's always got somebody's neck breakin - which i's why I always gotta have my eyes open, like hustlas on forty-deuce. She's got a smile that no-one could outdo and a style no one can match. She's my baby girl, my hunnylumps and whatever new pet name I come up with for her.
She's my all. And no - you cannot have her.

That's it!

Tune in around 2011, and maybe I'll put up Part III!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Peace, yall!

-H

Told Yall!!

2008-11-06T13:30:00.000-08:00

Told yall Obama-hatin', McCain praisin', Sarah Palin ass kissin' mo'fuckas that we was gunna TAKE this shit, and TAKE IT we did!

Not only are the republicans pissed off that they lost, they're pissed because they lost by a LANDSLIDE!

A LANDSLIDE ladies and gentlemen.

That means more than HALF of the country voted this man in - that means that America is TRULY ready to take a step in the right direction.

I was nervous the whole night watching them tally the states. Then I saw that Obama had 195 electoral votes to John McCain's 90. I told myself - it's okay - alot of important states havent been counted yet. I took a break, smoked an L, came back and the numbers had only shifted a little. Obama 207, McCain 135. I was nervous then - damn, McCain is gobbling up these southern states...shit...will this be the determining factor? Obama winning Ohio gave me more hope (Ohio was the breaking point for the last election) so I just watched anxiously.

Then it happened.

ABC came back from a commercial break. Charlie Gibson had said that the polls were now closing in California. 10 seconds. 9.8...
..."Okay, we are now ready to predict that Senator Obama has won California."

Then, the image of Barack Obama with the words "President-Elect Barack Obama" showed up on the screen. I was confused, because they didn't do this with the other states.

Charlie Gibson's words froze me.
"We are now ready to say that Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States of America."

I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be true.
I needed to see numbers.
I switched the channel to CNN to make sure what I had heard wasn't false...
...and indeed, they too had displayed on their ticker:
"Barack Obama Wins Presidency"
and to the side of that said, McCain - 150, Obama 298.
He needed 270 to win.

At that moment, my soul jumped so high - but my feet never left the ground. I yelled SOOOOOO loud, and was joined by people were feeling how i felt all over my neighborhood. I opened my window, and people were screaming. Running through the streets - yelling at the top of thier lungs.
Cars were in mass rally, honking ever so loudly and rapidly.
The magic was real and you could feel in the air.
We had finally taken the step as a country to break down these barriers so that our children could have a better future.
All around the globe, the world cheered simultanously...and in that moment, I knew that we all wanted the same thing: a brighter future with no boundaries and no discrimation aganist anyone. A beautiful world where a white family and a black family can stand on stage together and hug each other as if they were all the same people. Human beings. No matter your race or creed, we can look towards our future with common goals and ideas.

Now, I'm not celebrating TOTALLY yet. We still have alot of work to do as a country and considering the mess George W. Bush Jr. left behind, it's not going to be easy. However, we look towards these challenges a bit more earnestly knowing and believing we have the right commander-in-chief in office.

My last words are this:
We've just watched history being made. Being alive for 23 years, I haven't got to experience anything like I have last night. An UNDESCRIBABLE feeling overcame me last night. The only time I had felt this connection with my country were after the horrible events of 9/11. Last night just reafirrmed how much I care for this country and how sometimes it may seem like the odds are against you, yet righteousness still will prevail.

McCain tried his best. He did. No lie. Even Sarah Palin.
Now they both get to fuckin' dissapear! Hahahaha!

Nah, I wont be a bastard about it. However, that concession speech McCain tried to throw on was HORRIBLE.
"I understand that this is an important victory for African-Americans"
Whaaat? Nigga, this is an important victory for the whole COUNTRY!
The whole WORLD!

So, I'll wrap-up my ranting and say this: All you racist, country-bumpkin, anti-abortion, same-sex marriage hatin', ignorant ass americans who REALLY thought that this historical event would NOT take place...i got two words for ya...

SUCK IT! (Ummm - i mean) TOLD YA!!

WE IN HERE!! OBAMA '08!
WHOOOOOOOO!!

-H

Change Is Here.

2008-11-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it. It's actually happened.
Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States.
It's such a wonderful feeling.
A feeling that only our ancestors could feel through us,
our parents and thier parents.
America, the land that I love...
...has chosen the RIGHT president.

I love this country.
I love my hood.
I love my block, my building.
I love. My life.

Thank you god for keeping me alive on this earth to witness this.
Thank you.

-H

I Love America.

2008-11-04T19:22:00.001-08:00

No matter what happens, I still love this land.
I still love america...
...and I believe that it will make the right decision.

-H

Anxious and Amped

2008-11-04T18:07:00.000-08:00

Well, the results aren't in yet - but it's looking kinda tight.
Of course, the hick states are in full support of McCain.
I still have PLENTY hope that Barack is going to take this thing.
The moment he does, I'm shouting - then I'm smoking.

I voted. I'm sick as hell, but I voted.
Change. Change I believe in.
Change we ALL can believe in.

It's here.
-H

Hours Away From A New Day

2008-11-03T20:01:00.000-08:00

I can feel it. I can feel it rising up in all of us.
This change is realer than real - and dammit, as americans and humans alike - we NEEDED this. We needed a reason to believe in something. Something that was unlike anything we've ever experienced as a country before.

Thus, Barack Obama.
He is here. We are here.
CHANGE is here.

-H

Yo, PANDORA is TUFF!

2008-11-02T13:34:00.000-08:00

Man, I like this Pandora thing! I know, I know - I'M LATE as usual - but this shit is really the jumpoff!

My lady tried to put me onto Pandora awhile back, but I was bein ignorant and not worried about "online-radio" stations, but shit - when I'm bloggin', I don't wanna have to constantly be switchin' tracks and shit - there should be a radio station that just plays hot joints they KNOW I would like. Thus, PANDORA.

I typed in two words: J Dilla.
The rest was like magic. It just went off - straight to Dilla, then to Madlib, then to Jazzy Jeff - shit was bananas. Like it just KNOWS your style. It tells you why too:

Why was this song chosen?
Based on what you've told us so far, we're playing this track because it features sampledelia compositional qualities, east coast rap roots, r&b influences, headnodic beats and swingin' beats.

Fuckin' TUFF! I'll be messin with this hard while playing SF2(Rb).
I'll put you onto that later.

-H

Guess Who's Back

2008-10-30T15:10:00.000-07:00

OMG - It's Eminem.

After wondering "where the hell is my favorite rapper of all time" for FAAAAAR too long, it's the edge of 2008 - Kanye is making the most heartfelt (and unfortunately the most misunderstood) album of 2008, but the "WilD-as-F*CK" award will ALWAYS go to Em.

Whether on his most serious of the serious (ie: "Mockingbird") or silly of the silly, (see above video) Em is always going to be the lasting impression of what it is to take perfection and creativity outside of the limits. Dealing with the struggles of being in a game that is becoming less and less of what he got in the game for, this album should be a breath of fresh air in an otherwise smoggy hip-hop year. I hope it's called "King Mathers". That'd be ill.

"Im Having A Relapse" is the first single off the new album, and it's fuckin' retarded. Em is DEFINTELY back on his shit - no matter how many pounds he mighta had, he still sounds like the skinny, psycho Slim Shady we all once adored.

So laugh, and get ready for a good end to a bad year. We gettin' Em, Jay, Kanye & Obama - in my opinion, things can't look any better. Shit - if McCain was in office, this might be all I could look forward to.

-H

And Though It Seems Heaven Sent

2008-10-30T15:04:00.000-07:00

...I choose not to finish that one. Instead, I say that Tuesday night will prove all of the critics wrong. All of the naysayers humbled. All of the passerby's gasping for breath. The day is fast approaching. History will be made.

A black president will be here. The RIGHT president.
Obama '08.

Inspiration: REVS

2008-10-30T06:31:00.000-07:00

The first REVS joint I ever ran into, was this joint right here. I went to school in SoHo - my first real eye-opener for the city, because I didn't really see much of NYC outside of midtown and uptown.

When you come from Harlem, most of the time Harlem is all you know. When I returned to NYC from TX, I was rushed into an alternative school that my cousin attended (Unity High School) located near Spring St (though I wouldn't learn this until months later). Instead, I would take the A to Canal St and walk about 4 blocks over and just marvel at the amount of graffiti that littered SoHo. This is when I first ran into REVS.

REVS is one of the main reasons I still do graffiti. REVS didn't write for fame or to be respected by other writers, he wrote to DESTROY shit. To let the world know - I'M HERE - I EXISTED - I LIVED. REVS's work was different too - which is why I guess I was so drawn to it. I questioned how these huge, blockbuster rollies (graffiti done by paint rollers) could've even been acomplished - like, who DIDN'T see this man rolling his name on the side of a building? The beauty of it all is that it's something so simple that makes the normal side of a building so abstract.

All I knew of REVS were rollies at first and then as my obsession with graffiti grew, I learned that he was places I didn't even realize. Around me constantly, and I didn't even know. One day, I decided to take the A train back uptown from school, yet this time I decided to go to the front of the car so I could peer into the tunnels. Who's work did I see all over the tunnels? None other then the tunnel king (aside from JA) King REVS.

Analogy: REVS:Graffiti / EMINEM:Rap
Now you get it.

Not only was I surprised to see is rollies underground, but I also was shocked to learn that not only was he using the tunnels as his artistic playground - he was using it as his diary was well. As the train came to a slow speed between 50th and 59th st, I saw a huge white space high over the pillars separating the downtown and uptown side. In that white space were these sloppy scrawls of REVS's past, a little clue to the mystery of who REVS was. Before I could finish reading the first sentence, the train sped off - and I wondered to myself, "How in the hell did he find the time to do that?" To my amazement, I would later learn that before REVS was apprehended by the MTA as well as the NYPD Vandal Squad, he had accomplished painting 225 of the 270 subway tunnels in NYC.

What a feat. REVS is now a retired graffiti artist (something I hope to be soon) who is a full-time wielder and mechanic. He often referrs to his graffiti past as the good 'ole days where he an COST used to run the city. I remember seeing the COST/REVS bills posted thoughout the city, long before I knew what they were. It's THAT reason why he's such an inspiration to me. Graffiti isn't supposed to be something that is an EYESORE. It's supposed to awaken your third-eye so this way you can appreciate all of the little things around you. This city is full of garbage, why not brighten that garbage up a bit with a twist?

Thank you, REVS. Your work has not only changed the lives of graffiti artists, but New Yorkers all over.

-H

Real McMotherf**kin' Talk

2008-10-29T16:43:00.000-07:00

OMG - I've just been schooled. It's Face from the Geto Boys ("My Mind's Playing Tricks on Me") kickin' some REAL shit about McCain. Like, I didn't even look at it like that.

This dude is somethin else. This old ass dude voted AGAINST a King Jr. Holiday? Like, do you republicans REALLY care about black folks?

I don't think I know a SINGLE black republican in my 20 mile radius.
Son.
I put this on my life.
When Barack Obama wins it - I'm lighting it up SOOOO heavy.
Outside with the blunt in hand, jumping, celebrating. Passin' off. Passin' out.
We IN THERE. Obama '08.

Fuck all yall haters.

Burning Angels

2008-10-29T16:21:00.000-07:00

"...it feels like a burning angel..."

http://www.tube8.com/share/gia-paloma-enema-accident/22210/

WTF? I think that was when I really started questioning my morality with porn and how deep it was getting. That shit sucks you in. They do some pretty filthy shit, and I think this is by far the filthiest of the filth that I've gotten off to. I don't expect too much respect for this, I just think it's time to start being honest with myself.

What the fuck is the matter with you, Halo?
I don't remember where the lines got blurred and I said to myself "tittie shots and girl on girl action just doesn't do it for me anymore...".

Here's some of the comments on this vid:

JerkFace, added 4 months ago Okay, seriously? Are some of you dudes jerking to this? Because if you are I salute what sick, desensitized fucks you have all become thanks to the magic of the internet! : )

Doobie09, added 4 weeks ago Now THAT is the the kind of real, genuine, to the core piece of shit whore that I need.

jbuff420, added 3 months ago I LOVE GIA PALOMA. Yes she's on meth in this scene, but what a great little whore!

Man, I don't know what to say. I got off to this, but I didn't know about the meth. I just figured to myself - how could somebody just ultra-degrade themselves like this? I think my brain was warped severely due to Flare's submissive behaviour, but the fact that we kept pushing it is what always made me hunger for something sicker...something nastier...but lately I've been really questioning morally where that's taking me.

I used to go to church when Ree and I first started kicking it and much further into it as well, but I've been slackin hard. I think if I go soul searching, I can shake the porn and the sick shit - but I also know this is a hard demon to tame. LOL - fuck, I sound like Kirk Franklin and shit. Im not like - ADDICTED to porn, I just think I'm FASCINATED by the sick shit. They ran an episode of South Park where Stan's dad Randy was addicted to porn and South Park had ran out of internet. Then when he got internet he looked up Japanese girls vomiting on each other and Brazilian fart-fetish sites - all shit that I have seen before. I felt like, so disgusted in myself then - but then when I said I would just rock with the regular shit, I was right back on the crazy shit.

I dunno, bro...I dunno. I just need to fix this shit, fast. School commin. Until then, I'm playin Max Payne. Heard the movie sucked. Go figure.

-H

Throwback Joint of the Day: 10/29/08

2008-10-29T16:09:00.000-07:00

Nothin' like some old school Doom. I have the KMD instrumental EP, and this is one of the illest joints on there ("Peachfuzz" by KMD). For those that don't know, Zev Love X (first rapper in the vid) is better known as the one and only, MF DOOM. Man, how hip-hop has evolved.

Speaking of evolve:
Zev Love X?
X evoL veZ?
X-Evolves?

Hmm... ;)

-H

See? This is the fuckin shit I be talkin about.

2008-10-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

Sister says suspect in Obama plot is sorry

Click the link. Go ahead, just click it...and read about how DUMB and IGNORANT some white, middle-class americans are.

Fuckin' little 18 year old pricks trying to be the next Lee Harvey Oswald.
Get it through your head, retards - Hitler's DEAD. He been dead.
Dead as a doornail. So, why the fuck are we still going though this Nazi shit? In AMERICA no less?!

*in retard voice*
"Oh, hummdy dum-dum, let's be NEO-NAZIS, yeah THAT'S cool..hummdeedum..."

Get a fucking life. Better yet, give me your life - and I'm sure I'll find something productive to do with it. Little bastards said they wanted to kill 88 black students and behead 14 of them. WHAT? Are we STILL really taking steps BACKWARDS as a nation?!

PARENTS - WATCH YOUR FUCKING KIDS. I'm pretty sure had the dumb hick fuckers they call parental figures actually been that, this idea wouldn't have even entered their minds. "He 'disliked' black people". HAH! Shit, I 'dislike' dumb ass racist fucks that figure they can take another human's ability to live freely, just because of some stupid 'cause'. Man, I wish I could hang these kids upside down for 88 hours and just let black folks WAIL on them.

Whatever. In a week - Barack Obama will be president, and we will be THAT much closer to becoming a nation of united individuals.

Apparently, we still have ALOT of work to do.

Throwback Joint of the Day: 10/28/08

2008-10-28T14:15:00.000-07:00

"Microphone checka, 1-2 checka..."

Man, this shit takes me BAAAACK! ;)

-H

Hopefully Not The Last

2008-08-23T18:42:00.000-07:00

Well, my heart is gluping and my mind is trying to convince me from steering down the dark chasm at the end of my life. It's like i know where I'm going is a dead end, but it's a dead end that leads somewhere. Somewhere purhaps, where my heart isn't quite prepared to go - but my soul keeps pulling me.

Dearest Ree, I apologize for being the sex-crazed fiend you could never housebreak. I don't know why I'm so weird and so awful at sex, and I never thought I would drive you to the point where you wouldn't enjoy sex or crave it. I'm sorry.

Don't blame the others - it was my mind warped so badly always. I watch gruesome and otherwise sick things and gain arousal from this imagery. My heart craves to be outside of the norm so much sometimes that I can't control it. Curiosity is also a vice that I have difficulty controlling.

If I was a juvenile boyfriend, I apologize for that as well. My graffiti expeditions should be over, yet alas - they are not. This is the hardest addiction I've had to face, and the rebellous spirit of my expression keeps excusing the juvenile nature of this sport.

To my soul, it's bigger than paint on a wall or a tunnel. It's the exploration of your existence somewhere where your have been told you cannot be. The soul-searching and bond that you have with the youth inside you and the thrill of existance. If my existence were to be cut short after this night, I would hope you have remorse upon my soul. I didn't die to make you sad or to hurt my family or intentionally hurt myself. This was a choice of my own to walk into a dark, risky and dangerous situation in order to fully grasp my purpose of being alive on this planet.

I wish I could just have it all - I wish my talents could shower all of the money and value the universe could bring, yet in this society - it is sometimes those with the most talent that are easily overlooked. Those that have had to struggle internally with what they are becoming and how far off it really is from what everyone wants you to become. My music started in a dark land and sometimes this is where my best work comes from. I never wanted to be a serious artist within visual art, yet i loved it all the same when i became an artist with sound. In the same vain, I took that dark shelter and lended it to the world of art - being involved with graffiti and vandalizm. It's a comfort zone.

I want you to have everything I own if I'm gone. My records, my beats, my equipment - EVERYTHING. You were always concerned YOU were dying, but sometimes I feel I'm dying on the inside. If I could have it my way, we'd be hippies - living free of any cares and enjoying the beauty that is nature. This world is not for us. I hope change really is coming though, and I hope to god this is just a precautious letter and that I my live to see another day. If I live to see tomorrow, I would like to go to church tomorrow. I need a soul cleansing, I need to see the value in my existance once again. God is everywhere, a mystical force that leads divine souls to his embrace.

...Sheree, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not calling for the last few days, I'm sorry for not listening and I'm sorry that this may very well be the end of everything we've worked hard for. I want to start this new life, but I cant turn the page confidently without putting my ugly past behind me. I hope to see you after this is all over.

-Josh

PS: I'll always love you Sheree. I love your mom, my mom, my grandma, my little sister, my dad, all my niggas (you know who you are), hip-hop, graffiti, the 80's, music, J Dilla and God. God, god, god. To the fullest. I believe in the watchful eye of Jesus Christ, and I accept him as my Lord and Savior.

AerosolHeart // PRELUDE (Arraignment.)

2008-08-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

As she grabbed my hand, extending my finger with excessive force, I wondered to myself; Is this all necessary? And even more importantly, was it even all worth this?

Rolling my index finger in the dark ink, she then asked me for my thumb. For a millisecond, the thought crossed my mind to use this un-cuffed and potentially vulnerable opportunity as my chance to dash to freedom.

Then the thought of the overweight, meat-head cop hovering near the exit pouncing on me before I even got my first hand on the door handle, squashed that daydream like a roach. The sound of a dog whimpering ran though my mind, and I sheepishly gave her my thumb - abandoning all thoughts of escape. My eyes shifted from the door back to the counter where my paperwork was being filled out.

I sighed a long and heavy sigh.
I was here now, and it was bound to happen eventually.

I looked to my right to see another young man being arraigned, he looked about nineteen at the oldest. I shot him a glance to offer him some sort of hope - as to say we were in this together, but he refused to return the favor. Instead, you would've thought someone had killed his puppy the way eyes were glazed over with sadness. He looked defeated, as if he had given up the fight the moment the cops had placed the cuffs on him. The bond I was searching for was nowhere to be found and that did nothing but cement the clear fact that I was stuck in this by myself.

The days and nights of striking back at society were all adding up quicker than the clock could move. The seconds and minutes I spent trying to prove something to myself and the world proved all for naught, for they had the power. They were intent on showing me that now; forcing me to extend my ring finger for another dirty ink print. I've heard crazy stories of people biting the skin off of their fingers or sanding them down to remove their fingerprints, and the idea flashed in my head. Nah. Not that serious. At least not serious enough for what I'm in here for.

"Do I get to wash my hands at least?" I asked. I wanted to see how far my liberties as a detainee went. She rifled around her box of police goods and tossed me an Alcohol Swab.

"Here. We're done." I wondered why she was wearing rubber gloves - I mean, it's not like she's a doctor or some shit. You're a cop. A DT at best.

"What about the bathroom?" I asked. "You gotta let me take a piss." She flashed what seemed to be a grin for a second, signaling to me that she had a sense of humor. Shit, At least cops can feel something.

"Toilets are in the cells."

I hate how short cops are with you, like it's their job to be dicks. This was a bitch-cop (policewoman) too, so I was expecting a little bit of kindness and nurturing. You know. Even though in her eyes and in the eyes of the law, I'm a criminal and all. I guess a cop is a dick no matter the gender.

I was growing impatient, but that wasn't my call here.
"What time am I gettin' out?" I spouted. She rolled her eyes. "You asked me that earlier and I told you it depends on what the charges are and what the judge tells you. You need to be transferred to Central to see the judge for a proper arraignment. Right now they've got you with 'Making Graffiti' and 'Possession of a Graffiti Instrument' which are both misdemeanor offenses. When they transfer your case to Central and the courtroom, the judge will let you know what your punishment is."

Hmph. Punishment. Because that's what happens when you express yourself freely, right? You get punished.

My stomach began to grumble a bit with a mixture of unease and hunger. All the nights I had coached myself to be as hard a stone when this day came, meant nothing now that the day was actually here. I got myself into this shit and now it had become too late to get myself out. I felt the ground beneath me rumbling as a train roared into the station, and I wondered to myself what kind of grub I would be served in this hell-hole. More of the dicks (cops) began to crawl out from the back of the headquarters, bitching about shifts and joking to each other about their "collars". I was getting more and more sick of the place by the minute.

"So, when I do get sent to Central - I'll be able to go home after that, right? Because I'm ready now. I got a lotta shit to do."

"I'll ask you not to use that language with me, sir" Officer Bitch-Cop replied. "You'll go to Central as soon as we can get you processed here. As you can see - you are not the only one here, so you'll just have to be patient."

That was something I didn't want to hear.
Be patient.

I had already decided that my "complimentary" phone call would go to my girlfriend, I just didn't know what to say. What could I say that wouldn't result in her flipping out and making me even more frustrated? I can see the conversation now:

"Hey baby, guess what? You'll never believe what happened. Remember all those nights I used to go out late and go bomb the city with graffiti? Well, it finally caught up to me!"
Yeah, that would go over well.

Why did this have to happen to me?

Of all of the people in New York that write, why did I have to get bagged? Stupidity? Cockiness? Karma? I didn't want to believe all of that, so I just settled with it being a bad coincidence.
Wrong place, wrong time I guess.

"Were done with all of your paperwork." the bitch-cop stated. "I need you to empty out your pockets and take off your shoes."

Take off my shoes? The fuck do my shoes have to do with graffiti?
"Why do you guys need my shoes?" I asked. "I'm supposed to walk around barefoot in here?"

"It's not your shoes we need, it's the shoelaces" she said. "We've had incidents where former prisoners have used the shoelaces for, umm - suicidal behavior, so it's now become standard procedure to confiscate the laces of our detainees."

Wow. That's crazy.
I smirked at her, "C'mon miss. Really. Do you really think I'm going to hang myself over some graffiti?"

"I don't know sir, but if you want to keep your shoes on you're going to have to give me your laces."

Being cynical is in my defense mechanism, so this incident was no different - except that this time I was dying of worry inside. How long am I really gonna be here? Are they gonna give me real time? Have they started to figure out that I'm the one responsible for over 75% of the vandalism in this area?

I sat down near the desk where they were processing my information and holding the materials they had confiscated from me. Trying not to smirk or smile, I watched them zip-lock my belongings in a plastic "evidence bag".
My black KRINK marker I had just bought from Scrap Yard.
My Ultra-Flat Black and White Rusto cans.
My black-book.
Watching them carelessly bag away and toss my supplies in a Tupperware-like bin, was like a parent watching his kids being taken into custody by ACS. Those tools are my babies.

"Are they going to keep all that, or can I get it back after I get out of here?" I asked while removing my shoelaces. "Oh no, we keep all of that stuff as evidence in our vaults." She replied. "You can come back and obtain your personal belongings like your keys, your wallet and your iPod, but we keep all of the other stuff for our records. They are criminal instruments."

My black-book?! FUCK!
I could replace all of the other shit, but my black-book?
Man, that was my opus...my claim to fame.
That black-book was like a graffiti yearbook. I had cats I looked up to in there...JA, OJAE, MISS17, GOAL, SKUF, VFR, EARSNOT...even a COPE2 piece, who's style I had admired ever since I bought my first Tribal T-Shirt with one of his pieces on it. No one could replace the art that blessed those pages.

"Daaaamn...My black-book too?" I stammered. "I can't just keep that? I mean, it's paper, it's not hurtin' nobody..."

"Sorry." She said, with a dead cold stare. "I can't make an exception to the rules on your behalf."

It was like she didn't even mean it.

"That evidence actually goes straight to the Vandal Squad so they can investigate your case further." she continued.

FUCK, FUCK, FUUUUCK.
Vandal Squad? Now, they'll definitely know. Damn, this shit is WACK. They can't take my black-book, that aint right. That's my shit that I paid for. Who the fuck gives them the right to just do as they please with my stuff? Who the hell do they think they are?
Oh yeah, that's right. They're the cops. Cops are dicks.

The bitch-cop opened up my wallet to examine it thoroughly, somehow ignoring the pungent smell of bud attached to it. Thank god I had gotten rid of all of my clips that I usually would stash in the inner pocket.

She examined my keys next and started to throw them in the bag, but then paused.

"Oh, we need to keep these too..." she said, pointing to the Sharpie MINI's I had attached to my key-chain. "For real?" I replied, trying to play dumb. She laughed, "Yes, these are graffiti instruments as well."

She gave me a smile as to try and sympathize with me, but I hated that bitch. She's the one who arrested me - said i was "stupid" for writing graffiti and she that "could" make a big deal out of this (you know, because I'm some sort of terrorist or some shit) but wouldn't even listen to me when I tried to plead my case. It was like she found this to be some kind of a joke, but wouldn't laugh it off enough to give me a slap on the wrist and let me leave.

Whatever.
These people aren't my friends. All I got is me in this and that's who I trust.

She signaled for me to get up and led me towards the cell room where they held all of the other prisoners. I scanned the faces of my cellmates, and they all adorned the same look of despair and hopelessness that the kid getting processed earlier had. As the cell door locked behind me, I looked down at my hands...staring at the red paint. It seemed to almost resemble blood. Wounded and bleeding with ink, I took what felt like my last breath...as the artist inside me began to writhe and die.

Icons & Influences: Ol' Dirty Bastard

2008-07-08T07:46:00.001-07:00

Man, I can't even imagine how life would've been had I not discovered the natural beauty that is Ol' Dirty Bastard. This man was one of the most gifted and supernatural human beings on the planet. Quite possibly my favorite individual, next to Dilla.
Enjoy this final documentary that captures the true essence of Russell Jones (ODB) called, "Dirty Minded":

RIP - Russell Jones. You will INDEED be missed.

Birfday Celebration.

2008-07-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

So, my lovely lady Sheree stealthly hooked up this surprise BBQ/Party on Morningside for me - decked out with beers and blunts and all of the cool kids that I could've ever wanted to be there. Danny and Shanae were the first people there (lol - that's how she got me - "look! who's that?") and then more people came as time rolled on.

Frank came, (dammit - some asshole stole his camera before the night was over, which was NOT cool - I hate that we all can't have a good time without so shady shit goin down) Sciryl and Charles Hamilton were there (always a good look), Xiara & Bella came (awwww - Bella can be so bad but so cute), Liz, Shannon (hadn't seen her in 4ever it seemed), Kels, Brian, Dep, Z, Lauren, Isaac, Ingrid and a whole slew of other people I might not have known but was in someway cool with.

Overall, yesterday was a fun and exciting surprise. I rarely got suprise birthdays when I was a kid, and I had already told myself that I was over the bar for those. My Ree-Ree came through though, and made it all work out so well. She's amazing, and I'm soooo happy to have her in my life.

I have to give myself at least a week to recover from all the brain cells I've lost over the weekend. I'm running late for work. I'll get up with yall soon.

-H

News Disasters.

2008-07-05T20:56:00.000-07:00

My new craze has defintely gotta be viral-videos of real life things, not your stupid re-made version of "Friends" or your friend Shameika singing "Lollipop" while shaking her 'web-cam ready' ass. My first craze installment is newscaster bloopers, blunders and slip-ups. I adore the fact that we rely on a "live-feed" source of news and I love it even more when that system is put into a tense and unnerving moment when something goes wrong during a live performance. Here are a few of my faves:

And this guy is my favorite guy, ever.

Mission Objective

2008-07-05T18:15:00.001-07:00

This song takes me back further than it needs to.
This is my own personal time capsule. Enjoy it.